Hated Love
by Aleka
Summary: *Now Complete!!*A popular girl falls for Chris, but Chris can't stand her because of how her group of friends treats people like him. Also some Gordie romance stuff.
1. Ren

Ren Rasmussen walked into Castle Rock High and let the conformity wash over her. She'd lived in Castle Rock all her life but she was feeling caged lately. As he friends spotted her and began rushing over to her, she decided she'd give just about anything for marginal excitement to come into her boring, small-town life. 

"Omigod, Ren, I think I'm going to die," her friend Sue Arnold griped, latching herself on to Ren's arm like a leech. 

"Well, I'll be sure to come to the funeral," Ren said, hoping that Sue wouldn't indulge her in a great big sob story about the latest boyfriend that broke up with her. 

Another friend of hers, Caroline Jennings, put a death grip on Ren's other arm. "Whatever, your death can wait. Ren, do you think that Michael Perkins would want to take me to the dance on Friday?"

"You want Michael to take you to the dance?" she asked. 

"Yeah, he's so cute," Caroline giggled. "You don't mind, do you?"

"Go ahead, he's all yours," she said. "It's not like I care or will be jealous or anything."

Michael Perkins was the boy that Ren had had a monstrous crush on for as long as she could remember. He had big blue eyes and curly blond hair and he played football and he wasn't all that smart but he was really nice to look at…She couldn't believe that Caroline was actually asking for permission to go to a dance with him when she knew how much Ren liked him. Sometimes Ren hated being a part of the popular crowd. It was like who she was got erased a long time ago as far as everyone else was concerned. Her friends expected her to check her feelings at the door apparently. But she didn't know who else to be. 

After she'd gotten the books she needed from her locker, Ren waited around for the morning bell to ring. When it did she moved her way through the sea of people down the hall to first class. 

Taking her usual seat, she opened her math notebook, not incredibly excited when Mr. Benfield jumped directly into today's lesson. 

"The formula for calculating the surface area of a sphere when radius is known is…" Mr. Benfield looked around the class, searching for a vacant-eyed victim to ask for the answer. "Chris Chambers? Care to venture a guess?"

Chris sat beside Ren. She'd been watching as he filled in his best friend Gordie on last night's assignment, and now she watched as he paled. He hadn't heard the question, and he knew that people would laugh at him if he said something stupid. 

"Uh…" he began, looking at Gordie expectantly. But Gordie hadn't been listening either. 

"No, that would be incorrect," Mr. Benfield said. Some people around them snickered, but most of them weren't paying attention. "Caroline, do you know?"

"Surface area equals four times pi times radius squared," she replied pertly. She smirked at Chris and whispered, "Maybe you'd be better at building birdhouses."

It still disgusted Ren how much of a bitch Caroline was. She'd gone her whole life thinking that other people didn't have as many feelings as she did, and she had always treated this Chambers guy like shit. Ren didn't really know the guy, just that he came from a bad family and one time he supposedly had stolen some milk money when they were in grammar school, but she had never talked to him. As far as she was concerned, he could be the nicest guy in the world, but she'd never know because her friends would never let her get close enough to find out. 


	2. the cafeteria

Setting his tray down and spilling a bit of his orange juice, Gordie continued telling Chris about his weekend in Portland with his parents at lunch that day. "I had to sleep in this room with this huge dog, right, and every night, my great uncle Pete, he's gotta be close to ninety--anyway, he'd march up and down the halls ranting about how he'd lost the kick in his Jockeys and he blamed fabric softener for his impotence--Chris? You listening?"

Chris, who had been watching the popular girls kick a freshman doing his homework alone out his seat so that they could have his table, said, "Uh, yeah, but then I heard the word impotence and I didn't want to hear it." He shook his head as the girls held the boy's math book too high for him to reach. They just laughed. "God, don't you just wish they'd get fat?"

Looking surprised, Gordie asked, "Who?"

"Those girls," he replied, taking his eyes away from them. "I can't believe guys like them. I'd like to see them have to live a day in someone else's life and see how they like getting shit on all the time."

Shrugging, Gordie took a bite of his sandwich. "They won't be perfect forever, if that's some consolation." He grinned. "I kinda think that that Rasmussen chick's kinda hot."

"Who, Ren?" Chris rolled his eyes. "She's great to look at, but she's never spoken a word to me and we've known her since grammar school. I don't know, maybe it's just me, but snobs aren't really one of my major turn on's."

"Of course not, you prefer long walks on the beach and a self-confident woman, without facial hair, preferably slightly seasoned to show you the ropes--"

Chris laughed. "Hey, screw you, I know the ropes." 

That was one of the reasons why Gordie was such a good friend to him. Chris could say what he was thinking and Gordie would understand, and then say something light-hearted so that he'd know that what he was worrying about shouldn't be taken too seriously. 

But Chris really was sick of the bullshit the popular group put people through on a regular basis. Usually, he didn't make judgements about people, but he'd grown up with these assholes and two-cent whores, and he had finished trying to give them a chance years after they'd decided he was trailer trash. 

He could try and tell himself that he didn't care about them, but that was a lie. Every day they surprised him with how low they could stoop. And he would have to be both blind and ignorant to not see how many people they hurt. They thought they were so much better than everyone else was, and Chris couldn't help not being hurt over that. People had always believed that he was less than, never greater than, and he was sick of it. 

"You know what I love about life?" Elizabeth Jacobs asked conversationally, seating herself down on the bench next to Gordie. "It can never get so bad that it can't get worse."

Gordie smiled at her. "Having a nice day, Elizabeth?" 

"_No,_" she sighed. "Do you have something that I could kill myself with by any chance?"

"So, what did you do today?" Gordie asked, still grinning. 

"Well! First I failed my math test. I am in the underachiever math class and I failed my test. Do you know who Thomas Green is? Yeah, well, he's an idiot and he got eighty-eight per cent. And _then_ I'm standing in line and I just got my food and I was waiting for my change and some retard behind me bumped my damn arm and I spilled cranberry juice on myself, so now I have a large red stain on my skirt. Do you _know_ what that _looks_ like?"

"No," Gordie replied. 

"That's because you're a boy. You're not good for sympathy." She sighed again dramatically. "I'm looking forward to the afternoon. I'll probably get thrown down a flight of stairs with my luck."

"Hey, maybe you'd break your neck and die," Gordie said cheerfully. "There's always a silver lining."

"Nah, I'd probably just end up getting paralyzed from the neck down and being a vegetable for the rest of my life."

Chris watched the exchange. Ever since Elizabeth had moved to Castle Rock about five years ago, he'd adored her. Sometimes she talked so fast in such long run on sentences that he didn't know what the hell she was talking about, but at least she had a personality. Chris wasn't sure if he had romantic feelings for her, but he did know that he would do pretty much anything to make sure nothing hurt her. But it didn't really matter if he was interested in her or not because she and Gordie had this unspoken thing for each other. The only reason why Gordie hadn't asked her out was because her father wouldn't let her date until she turned sixteen, which was in about six months. Their borderline estranged friend Teddy occasionally felt the need to tell Gordie that when you're seventeen like they were, you weren't supposed to settle down and wait for a girl; you were supposed to roam the fields. But, so far, Gordie hadn't taken Teddy's wise advice. 

Ryder Rasmussen, this guy who made up for his lack of height by having the biggest mouth, strolled past their table with his twin Ren at his side. He scooped up the quarter Chris had set down on his napkin for milk later. 

"Hey!" Chris barked. 

"Oh, sorry, Chambers, was that your milk money?" Ryder turned back. "Sorry for the misunderstanding." He did not return the quarter, just kept walking. 

Ren looked at Chris, appearing confused as to why he didn't try and get his money back. Chris just shook his head at her and looked away in contempt. 

"Why did you do that?" Ren demanded. "What makes you think you can do that?"

"Oh, it's pocket change, Ren," he said dismissively. 

"Yeah, and it's pocket change he doesn't have a lot of!"

"What are you, chairman of the Good Samaritans all of a sudden?" he asked, laughing. They came to his locker, where he got a dollar bill out for her since she'd forgotten her lunch. "What's your problem?"

"It was mean, Ryder," she snapped. "It just was."

"Fine, then, take it," he said impatiently, pressing the quarter into his sister's hand. "Go give it back to him and explain how you're on a holier than thou mission this week."

"You give it back to him, I'm not the one that stole it!"

They began to walk back to the cafeteria. "What, you don't want your friends seeing you talking to Chambers?" Passing by Chris' table again, Ryder tossed the quarter to him. "Sorry, Chambers. But my sister here has made me see the error of my ways. She would have returned this coin to you herself, but she didn't want to look like she knew you." He grinned at Ren. "There! That was nice of us! Let's go."

Chris looked at the quarter in his hand and smirked. "Now there's one girl in particular I woulnd't mind finding out that she got fat ten years from now."

Elizabeth looked in awe at him. "Did my ears just hear Chris Chambers say something mean about another person? Someone should mark that on the calendar."


	3. Alone

Ren dumped her books on the floor of the closet where all the jackets and shoes were, reminding herself to make sure to pick them up before her dad came home. Ignoring her growling stomach, she walked into the kitchen and poured herself a glass of water. Her mother was already in there, fixing herself a martini. "Hi, Renny, how was school?"

"Fine, thank you," she murmured, knowing that that one martini was the first of many tonight. 

"Where's your brother?"

"I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?" she asked. "Don't you walk home together anymore?"

"Not today, I left without him."

"Why?"

"Because he did something that made me mad."

"Well, that's awfully immature of you, wouldn't you say, Ren?"

"If you say so," she said, and climbed the stairs to her room. 

Ren knew fully that there were so many people out there who had it worse than she did. But she couldn't help escaping to her room every night and hating her life. She didn't usually cry when she was alone because she was never taught how to, but somehow that made it worse. Not knowing how to show her feelings made her feel like less of a person. It made her alone, like she was drowning. All these unspoken emotions were strangling her and no one knew enough to help her. 

Her family was one of the most screwed up groups of people she could think of. Her youthful looking mother was an alcoholic, and if she wasn't drunk she was even more useless. She cried a lot. Everyone knew she had thrown away her life when she got married at seventeen, especially her. Ren's father had yet to show that he cared about his family. He made Mrs. Rasmussen thirsty for the liquor she'd come to need by hitting her around. While he never used violence with his children, he knew what hurt them the most. Ryder was insecure because of how disappointed his dad made it clear he was of him. The youngest of the family at fifteen, Rindy sought the attention of boys to compensate for the attention she never received from her father, in turn lowering her self-concept because everyone thought that she was a slut. 

Lastly, Ren figured that no one gave a shit about her, and she was right. Her mother was a child herself when Ren and Ryder had been born, and she was still in that same child-like mind-set. She still put herself first. Daniel Rasmussen had never shown any interest in anything she'd ever done, so she felt like a failure to him. She wasn't smart enough or athletic enough for him, just like she wasn't pretty enough or perfect enough for her friends. 

So Ren didn't have anyone to turn to in her world at all, because she felt like no one genuinely cared about her or knew her. 

After a while, she would stop feeling sorry for herself, but a lot of her time was spent rehashing her poor-little-me's up in her room. 

Around eight, she got up, and left her room, heading in whatever direction she felt like going in. 

Chris sat on his bed, trembling a little. He was trying to wrap his wrist up as well as he could with one hand, but he was experiencing some technical difficulties. 

Usually he didn't cry when he was alone in his room after his dad had just kicked the crap out of him for no reason, but right now he couldn't help it. He wasn't sure what to do because the back of his head wouldn't stop bleeding from when his father had shattered a beer bottle over it. And he felt so bad for his little sister when his dad pushed her down in the kitchen and she had hit her head on the counter. But his mom had swept her up and was rocking her across the hall in her room, so at least she was getting some comfort. 

But there wasn't anyone here to comfort Chris. There never was. Most of the time he could get by, but there were sometimes when he'd just had the worst day ever, and all he could do was just sit there and wish there was someone there who he could beg to make it all stop. Today was one of those days. 

He was scared and lonely. Scared that maybe he was seriously hurt, and lonely because there wasn't anyone to stop him from getting hurt. 

Around eight, his bleeding stopped, so he got up and decided to go find Gordie. 


	4. in the dark

Chris passed by the Lachance house and just kept walking. All of the lights were off and he figured that no one was home. He continued walking towards Main Street, trying to think of the places where Gordie might be. 

Gordie, however, was actually just sitting at home. His parents weren't home. He was busy entertaining Elizabeth, whose bad mood at completely lifted. They were currently watching The Blob, an old horror movie in the living room with the lights off to add to the affect. 

Gordie loved movies like this, no matter how campy they were. But he loved watching them with Elizabeth even more because she got scared easily, and what with him being so manly and comforting, she always curled up on the couch next to him, scooting closer during the scary parts. 

When the end credits started rolling, she sighed. "I don't know how you find that crap enjoyable."

Gordie laughed. "I don't know how you find it unenjoyable."

"I'm never going to look at Jell-O the same again," she said. 

"Mmm…Jell-O…Do you want something to eat?" he offered. She declined. "Oh well, screw you, I'm going to go make myself a meal."

"Don't leave me in the _dark_!" she snapped. 

"What? I'm sorry, there's too much distance between the living room and the kitchen and I can't hear you. You'll have to speak up next time."

She grumbled to herself, and wished she could be brave enough to get up and turn on the lights. But she was secretly afraid of getting sucked under the couch by the monster that lived under there. 

Somewhere in the house, something creaked. She told herself that it was just the house settling. Then, when she heard the same noise again, only this time louder, she rolled up in a ball in the corner of the couch and yelled at Gordie to hurry up and come back. 

"Just a minute!" he called. 

"But I keep hearing noises!"

He didn't reply. 

"Gordie! Are you eaten?"

"No, I am not eaten," he said, coming back into the living room. "I'm eat_ing_ though."

Elizabeth sighed, but relieved when she saw his silhouette walking towards her. As he came closer, she could see him a little better and she felt somewhat more at ease. "Listen, can't you hear anything?" she asked. 

Gordie gasped dramatically. "Ellie!"

"What?"

"Did you hear that?" he whispered. 

"No," she said. "What did it sound like?"

Pausing for a second, he said, "Like screaming children and flesh being ripped off of bones."

Angrily, Elizabeth slapped his arm. "Shut up, I'm serious!"

"So was I." He shrugged. "You think I would make something like that up?"

She looked over at him with her eyebrows raised, and glared.

"Well I _didn't_!"

Sighing, she whined, "I need a light."

"What for, you don't smoke."

"I need a light so that I can see, moron."

"Why? Are your eyes failing you?"

"Stop it," she hissed. "It's pitch black and I can hardly see anything and I don't like the dark and I hate you for making me watch The Blob so can you please turn on a light?"

He replied politely, "No."

"Please?"

"I'm right here," he reminded her. "The flesh eating child molester can't get you unless I leave so it's okay. Besides, flesh eating child molesters don't like the dark either, so it won't come looking for you. Those noises you heard were probably just it trying to find the light switch."

Elizabeth was doubtful, but she curled up closer to him. 

"And it's a flesh eating child molester, remember?" he asked gently. "You're not a child."

She didn't say anything back. But she laid her head on his shoulder. Or at least she thought it was his shoulder, it was too dark to tell.

"Of course, you are pretty short…" He shrugged. "And people bigger than children are usually just target practice for them."

Elizabeth groaned. In a moment, she swung her legs off of the couch.

"Where are you going?"

"To turn on the light." There was a thump. She growled. Apparently she had ran into the coffee table.

Gordie grinned to himself and then crawled across the couch silently. He yelled, "Elizabeth! The flesh eating child molester! Behind you!" The he snatched her elbow.

Elizabeth screamed at the top of her lungs and flung herself back on to the couch, accidentally flying into Gordie. He was laughing maniacally. 

"YOU turn on the light!" she yelled at him.

Having some problems breathing while laughing, Gordie shook his head. Elizabeth tried to push him off the couch in the general direction of the light switch but she wasn't strong enough. He went to move off himself but his giggles were quite powerful and he just toppled off instead. He managed to choke out, "You're kinda cute when you're scared!"

"Shut up!"

His sides were in great pain. "Your voice--_quivers--_oh my God--" 

She growled and leapt off the couch and ran towards where she thought the light switch would be located. Instead, she slammed into the wall with a huge bang.

Gordie was laughing so hysterically that he could have been heard in some place far, far away. He crawled toward her because he was laughing too hard to stand. "Are you--hahahahaha--you----hahahahaha---okay?" He snorted. "Hahahahaha!"

She snapped, "It's not funny, I think my nose is bleeding!"

"Are you okay?" he asked again, this time not laughing so loudly, only snickering.

Letting him take her up in his arms, she nodded. 

"Here, I'll turn on the light now," he offered, feeling bad because she wouldn't have run full speed into a wall if he hadn't been taking so much pleasure out of her fright. 

"No, don't turn on the light! My nose is all bleedy!"

Gordie said, "You always run into stuff and bleed, I'm used to it. Besides, we have to stop your nose from running."

"It's not running, it's bleeding."

"Oh, my bad everyone, my bad." Gordie stretched up and flipped on the light. He got up and grabbed a Kleenex box, walked back to her and sat down next to her again. Gingerly, he held a tissue against her face.

"Ack--asshole--I can't breathe--"

"Oh, I'm _sorry,_" he said, taking away the tissue so she didn't suffocate. He laughed softly and she resentfully started to giggle. She leaned her head back and rested against him, not mad at him anymore for making her break her face.


	5. First Conversation

Leaning against the counter with his chin rested on his hand, Chris sipped at his root beer. He'd given up on trying to find Gordie, mostly because he didn't feel like walking anymore. 

The Blue Point Diner wasn't crowded at the moment; it was mostly just old people. Chris liked it this way because this way everyone wouldn't have to see him being alone. 

"Hey. This seat taken?" 

The new voice startling him out of his thoughts, Chris jumped and looked up. Standing over him, looking nervous and almost shy, was Ren Rasmussen. She was alone too, which surprised him, since he'd never seen her without her posse.

"Do you see anyone sitting there?" he asked. 

"No."

"Well then, it was a stupid question, wasn't it?"

Ren pursed her lips, wondering why she was doing this. She reminded herself that they were both here alone, so why not keep each other company? "Do you have any invisible friends sitting here or can I sit down?"

"Yes."

"Yes to the invisible friends, or yes to the sitting of me?"

He shrugged. "You decide. You act like you rule the world, so I think you can decide whether or not to sit down."

Ren blushed, but seated herself on the stool next to him. "So this is what I was missing out on by not talking to you."

Raising his eyebrows, Chris looked at her and shook his head. "That's very nice of you to assume you know exactly who I am by talking to me for twenty seconds."

"Yeah, well, it's very nice of you to treat me like this. And I'm a firm believer in first impressions, so yeah, maybe I am making a few assumptions."

"You caught me in a bad mood, alright, Ren?"

"I just wanted to keep you company."

Poking at the ice cubes in his drink with his straw, Chris muttered honestly, "I don't really want your company."

"Are you a recluse?" she asked.

Glancing at her in surprise, he repeated, "A recluse? Do you mean, am I a hermit?"

"Do you want people to stay away from you?"

"Certain people, yes."

She didn't take the hint that he was referring to her. "Because I gotta tell you, Chris, you send out this vibe that you want everyone to stay away from you. That's why you don't have a lot of friends."

Chris just looked at her. "_That's_ why I don't have a lot of friends? Oh gee thanks, Ren, I thought maybe it was because I was a leper!"

"Don't get all offended, Chris--" she tried to protest. 

"Oh, I'm not _offended._" He scoffed contemptuously. "But maybe if you have time, I'd like to clear up a few things with you. Number one, the friends I have are real friends, not like the bitches you pretend to like just so that you can be homecoming queen. Number two, _you_ decided why I don't have a lot of friends. You and your friends decided. I've never been good enough to hang out with your friends, you all made sure of that. The only thing I did wrong was be born a Chambers. You're a stuck up bitch, _that's _why I don't have a lot of friends."

Ren stared at him, a ghost of a smile on her face, just barely there. But she didn't look upset at all.

Ren's reaction surprised Chris, and he looked down, slightly embarrassed. He grumbled, "You just got told off so stop looking at me like that."

"Sorry," she said. "It's just that…Wow."

"Please don't wow at me," he said. 

"You've got more personality than all my friends put together."

"Um, yes, that's because your friends are cheerleaders and they have no brains."

"I'm a cheerleader and I have a brain," she informed him.

"Oh, yes, and you're speaking in complete sentences _too," _he said sarcastically. 

"You're difficult to talk to," she muttered. 

"Actually, I'm not. I'm just not kissing your ass like you're used to."

"Good, because I'm sick of people kissing my ass." Ren shrugged, tracing her finger along a spidery crack on the countertop. "They just kiss my ass because they think everything comes easily when you're popular. They don't know me or care about me."

"That must be hard for you," he muttered, rolling his eyes.

"Hey, I'm just trying to make conversation with you, Chris," she snapped. "I wouldn't expect my friends to care about anything that's on my mind, but I've always thought maybe you had a little more compassion than they do. I don't have anyone else to talk to, and I'd appreciate it if you didn't try and tell me that what I feel is stupid."

"You don't even know me!" he reminded her. "Why do I have to be your psychiatrist?"

"Forget it, Chris," she said. "I guess I don't blame you for being suspicious of me, but I really am just trying to be your friend."

"I'm sorry, me and you, friends? That doesn't quite compute."

"I know we're different and all, but I'm sick of how my friends treat people because I'm not like that, I don't like to hurt people--"

"Well, that's about the biggest load of shit I've ever heard and now I'm very amazed. I'm going to help save your reputation and leave before anyone sees us together. Have a nice day."

Ren's eyes followed as he rose to his feet, gave her a small wave and walked out of the diner with long strides.


	6. collision

Gordie met Chris at his locker the following morning. "Hey."

Briefly looking up and smiling, Chris said, "Hey, Gordie," and continued gathering the books he needed for his morning classes.

"What did you do last night?" he asked conversationally. 

Chris' reply was delayed because he paused to think of Ren. He still could not figure out for the life of him why she'd been trying to act like she wanted to be friends with him. On his walk home from the diner, it was all he could think of. What was in it for her? None of her friends had been around so it hadn't been a practical joke they'd made her pull so that they could laugh at his reaction when a popular girl came and sat with him. Maybe she really had been sincere. When he thought about it later, she honestly had looked pretty lonely and friendless. That made him feel bad for her, and angry with himself for leaving her alone like that. 

Deciding not to tell Gordie about Ren, Chris shrugged. "Nothing much, just went for a walk. What about you?" He also didn't want Gordie to know that he'd been out looking for him. He didn't want Gordie to think he was a pussy who couldn't deal with his own problems.

"Elizabeth came over. We watched a movie and I made her nose bleed."

"That's very kind of you, Gordie," Chris laughed. "I don't think that that's the way to win her heart though, I'm afraid."

Gordie grinned and elbowed him. "But she needed comforting and I was there for her."

__

I needed comforting too and you weren't there, Chris thought bitterly before he could stop himself. He hated thinking like that. Gordie was his best friend. It wasn't right to think badly about him. Especially not after all the times that Gordie _had_ been there for him. 

"So how much longer till she's sixteen?" he asked, trying to sound light-hearted. 

Gordie shook his head. "Forever, man. I wish her dad wasn't such a hard-ass."

"Speaking of dads," Chris said carefully. "Um, do you think I could hang out with you after school?"

Wincing, Gordie glanced at him. "Your dad's on a mean streak?"

"Yeah I guess." Chris closed his locker door, and then spun his lock shut. The two of them walked down the hall together. 

"Sure, but I promised Elizabeth I'd give her a ride home and help her with her English homework. You should see that girl's grammar. She's like, 'I are good at grammaring.'"

"I heard that," Elizabeth grumbled, catching up to them. "I'm not that bad."

"Chris is gonna hang out with us after school, okay?" Gordie checked with Elizabeth.

"Yay!" she cried. "Chris always provides entertainment."

"Actually, you know what guys," Chris said quietly. "I forgot that I have to look after my brother and sister. So I'll just maybe have to stay out of my dad's way."

"Oh," Gordie said. "You sure?"

The truth was, he didn't have to look after anyone after school. His family wouldn't notice that he wasn't home. But he felt like the third wheel when he was with Gordie and Elizabeth. He loved both of them, but it was like he was in their way all the time. 

"Yeah, I'm sure, thanks anyway--" Turning the corner, he slammed into a girl, sending her sprawling to the floor. 

Seeing that it was Caroline Jennings he'd knocked over, Chris didn't feel too bad, but he stuck out a hand to help her up anyway. "Are you okay?" he asked.

"Get a fucking seeing eye dog, Chambers," she growled, ignoring his outstretched hand and getting up on her own. 

"I'm sorry," he insisted, although he wasn't. 

"Whatever," she snapped. 

"Caroline, you ran into him too," a new voice said. Chris looked over and saw Ren. He hadn't noticed that she was with Caroline before. 

Caroline stared in awe at her. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing," she muttered. "Just accept his apology, okay?"

Raising his eyebrows, he looked at Ren pointedly. He was about to smile, but then Caroline glared at him. "Look both ways next time."

"And…" Ren said expectantly. "'I accept your apology…?'"

Caroline looked at Ren oddly and muttered, "And I accept your apology."

"Oh good!" Chris said sarcastically. "I was afraid perhaps you'd never forgive me!"

"Watch it, asshole," Caroline barked. "Come on, Ren, he's contaminating us, and we need to get your head examined."

"Yes, Master," Ren croaked in an Igor impersonation. "Right awaaay master."

As she past by, she smiled self-consciously at Chris, and he would have returned it if he hadn't been so surprised with her sticking up for him.

"Ooh," Elizabeth giggled. 

"Ooh, yourself," Chris grumbled. 

"Chris has a _girlfriend_," she sang teasingly. 

"You do?" Gordie asked. "Where was I when that happened?"

"I don't have a girlfriend," he shot back irritably. 

"Then why the googly eyes?"

"Excuse me, but I do _not_ have googly eyes."

"Well, Ren sure did," Elizabeth said. "Wow. You snagged yourself some Grade A bitch, there, Chris! Takes a real man to do that."

"I haven't snagged anyone!" he exclaimed. "Gordie, your little friend is being a pain in my ass so please remove her."

"Ren Rasmussen likes you?" Gordie demanded, finally catching onto the whole conversation. "Holy shit, man, she's like every senior's wet dream!"

"Except yours," Elizabeth reminded Gordie. 

"Right," he said. "Umm…yeah, except mine, sure. What did you _do, _Chris?"

"Nothing!"

"Do you like her back?" Elizabeth asked eagerly.

"No!"

"I think you do," she snickered. 

"No!"

"She _is_ pretty hot, though, hey?" Gordie said, nudging him knowingly. 

"No!"

"Are you going to share her?"

"No!" Chris blushed. "I mean, yes. No! I mean--fuck you!"

Gordie and Elizabeth burst out laughing. Elizabeth sighed loudly and said, "See, Gordie, I told you he's good for entertainment purposes."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Caroline declared, "Okay, that was the weirdest behavior I've ever seen you emit, Ren."

"Sorry," Ren said, shrugging. 

"Why are you smiling?" she demanded. 

"I'm not!" she laughed, but her smile just grew. 

"Yes you are, you're grinning like an idiot!"

"What the hell's gotten into you?" she asked in a scolding tone, like a parent berating their child. "Why did you stick up for him like that? Is it 'be kind to stupid creatures day' and nobody let me in on it?"

"Why shouldn't I stick up for him?" Ren asked nonchalantly. "You were being mean to him. He didn't mean to run into you."

"You've never stuck up for him _before_," Caroline reminded her. "You've never even talked to him before."

"Yes, I have," she shot back. 

"When?" she shrilled. "_Why?_"

"What does it matter? It's not like he's got leprosy." She smiled to herself, giggling. 

Stopping in her tracks, Caroline grabbed her arm tightly and spun her around. "Oh my gosh, don't even tell me you like him, Ren 

"Fine. I won't." She giggled again.


	7. The Long Way

I'm scared. 

Last period. Five minutes left in class. Chris kept watching the clock, wishing that time could go backwards just this once. He didn't want to go home. He was scared.

You would think that after a lifetime of what his dad put him through every night, Chris would get used to it. He would stop being scared. He would accept it. It wouldn't stop hurting, but he would stop being scared. 

Scribbling down that night's assignment, he closed his books with a shaky hand and stuffed it in his backpack. 

English class was one where he didn't really have any friends in it with him. So he sat in his desk quietly while everyone milled around him, talking about their plans for after school and stuff like that that Chris wish he had someone to talk to about. 

The last bell of the day rang, and his heart started to pound uncontrollably, fluttering in his chest like a frantic seagull. The dread that the end of the day always struck in him always made him panic. The panic was so bad he felt like it was a sign that he was dying or something. 

Going through the motions, he slung his backpack over his shoulder and made his way up the aisle, trying to lose himself in the crowd waiting to go out the door into the hallway. 

Someone bumped into him, and he staggered backwards, confused for a moment. 

"You seem to be running into people a lot today, hey, Chambers?" Ren said, sounding almost good-natured. 

"Sorry," he muttered. He wasn't quite feeling up to making conversation with Ren. She confused him, and he always needed to have the last word when he talked to her. 

"Why are you saying sorry to me?" she laughed. 

"I don't know. Sorry."

"Are you alright?" she asked when they got into the hall. "You seem weird."

"I seem weird?" He smiled, but it was a reserved smile. "You don't know what's normal for me, so you don't know what's weird either."

"Well, I know normal human behavior, and you're acting inhumanly."

"Ohh." He actually chuckled. "I never knew you were such an expert."

"Well, now you do." She peered over at him, and tried again. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," he said, but he sounded unconvincing and defensive. 

"I think you're lying," she teased. 

"Yes. As you know, people from my side of the tracks are all liars."

Ren blushed. "Don't start giving me the poor boy-rich girl lecture again, Chris."

"Why are you walking with me?" he asked. "People aren't blind, you know. They can see you walking with me."

"I can walk wherever I want to in these hallways," she shot back irritably. "Wanna talk about what's wrong?"

"Not with you!" he said, surprised that she was imposing herself on him like she was an old friend. 

"What's wrong with me?" she asked innocently. 

"You're Ren Rasmussen. I'm Chris Chambers. We're from two totally different planets and we can't be friends."

"Why not?"

He was getting impatient. "Because." When he got to the front doors and shoved them open, she followed like a faithful puppy. 

"That's vague."

"Why are you doing this?" he demanded, suddenly angry. "What is in it for you? Am I some kind of special experiment or something to you? Are you going to dress me up all nice so I can be pretty for prom? What the hell, Ren?"

"What, I'm not allowed to talk to you?"

"Not according to your friends, you're not."

"They're not my friends!" she cried exasperatedly. "I would like very much to see them get run over by buses and then eaten by angry geese. They're mean to everyone, they don't care about me, and they make me feel like I can never be good enough, and I don't want to be friends with them anymore."

"Doesn't work that way, sweetie."

"Hey, I rule the world, remember?" she teased, smiling up at him. 

"Why me?" he asked. "Why do I have to be your victim? And why now?"

"You're not my victim."

"Well, that's funny, because you make me feel like running."

"I know I've never talked to you or shown an interest in you, but I know what you're like. And I know that you wouldn't try to hurt me."

"I know what _you're _like too," he snapped. "And I know that you would let me get hurt."

"That's not true," she said defensively. "I've never bullied anyone like my friends do."

"You've never stuck up for anyone either. You just stand and watch it all happen. That's just as bad, because you know exactly what's happening and why it's so wrong, and you have the ability to make it stop, but you don't. You just let it go on."

Ren raked her dark hair back out of her face. "You know what, Chris, you're right. I'm one of them, but I'm not really like them. At least I know the difference between right and wrong."

"Ren," he sighed. "You're not going to convince me until I start to see it with my own eyes. Actions speak louder than words, you know."

"You're going the wrong way," she said suddenly. 

"What?"

"You live back that way," she said, not because she stalked him and followed him home to see where he lived, but because Castle Rock was a small town and everyone knew where everyone lived. 

"Oh…I'm just…taking the long way," he stammered. 

"You don't want to go home," Ren said confidently. "That's why you were looking so sick back in class because you're just scared about going home. I noticed in English that you've got a cut on the back of your head that wasn't there yesterday and your wrist is all mottled."

"I just fell--"

"Yeah, bull," she interrupted. "I know about your dad, he's been beating you up since grade school, probably longer."

"Gee, it must be easy seeing everyone else's problems up on your little pedastal, Ren," he snapped bitterly. 

"Bite me," she growled, sick of him putting her down. "I was going to say you could come home with me and hide out for awhile, but if you're going to keep talking to me like this, you can just go home to that old bastard and--"

"Your family wouldn't want me around."

"My family doesn't want _me_ around." She looked up at him. "Are you going to come with me?"


	8. insert witty chapter title here

Meanwhile, Elizabeth shrilled, "What the hell does onna-mata-topia mean?" 

"That's not how you say it," Gordie said, not looking up from the comic he was reading in between watching out his bedroom window. "Onomatopoeia. It describes a sound."

"I hate that word," she grumbled. "It should be shot. And stuff."

"Yeeeeep," he said, glancing at her and smiling. "So when do you use a semi-colon?"

"How the hell should I know? I'm not a scientist."

"Hmm. Alright."

Flinging her book down to the floor in anger, she crossed the room over to Gordie, making sure she stepped on the stupid book on her way. "Gordie," she said. "You're not being a very good teacher this afternoon."

"No?"

"Nope." She frowned pitifully. "You don't seem to care about your student."

"Sure I do," he protested, hugging her. "I'm just thinking."

"About ME?" she cried, laughing. 

"You I don't think about ever." He poked her on the nose playfully. "I'm thinking about Chris, actually."

"Why?"

He shrugged. "I feel bad because he feels left out sometimes."

"He does?"

"I think so," Gordie said carefully. "That's what I pick up on anyway. And I'm also kinda worried because his dad's on a mean streak I guess."

"Dang," Elizabeth muttered. "Is he okay?"

"I should have made him come over," Gordie said. "I feel like a really shitty friend."

"Hey, you care about him," she reminded him. "And he knows that. He can't say that about very many people."

He grinned at her. "You're like cookies."

"I raise your cholesterol?"

"No, you're sweet and you make me feel happy."

Beaming, she giggled. "Sigh!"

"Why did you just say 'sigh'?"

"Because I wanted to express my speechlessness so I said 'sigh,'"

"You could have just said nothing."

"Kiss my ass."

"I'm not allowed. Your father would string me up from a street lamp by my ankles."

"Speaking of Chris," she said. 

"No one spoke of Chris."

"Yes, well, I'm changing the subject." She smiled at the baffled expression on his face. "I think he and Ren would make an interesting couple."

"Keep dreaming," he scoffed. "He can't stand her."

"Well, I know," she said sadly. "But she seems to like him. Maybe she'd be willing to fix some of her stupid clique-y faults for him. And then if she did that, he'd be all 'She really likes me!' and then he'd be all 'Yay!' and then he'd be all 'Let's hold hands and sing tra-la-la-la!'"

"Okay, I'm not going to comment on the likeliness of Chris saying 'tra-la-la-la,' because I can't even picture it. But Ellie, she's hot. She's not a saint. She's not going to change for anyone. And not to put down my best friend, but there aren't very many people in this town who would support her changing for him."

"Yeah, that's because they're dickheads."

"Yep."

****

[AN: sorry for the shortness of this. Could I get some feedback on what you think of elizabeth and ren? Because I don't know how much I like them, and so I don't know if it's just me or if they annoy everyone, and if I need to change some things. Thanks!]


	9. Where Nobody Knows Us

****

[AN: thanks for the feedback on Ren and Elizabeth. I've decided that I do like Ren because I feel like I have to defend her lol. She'll get better, don't worry. I hope. I wrote this chapter in math class so if it's lacking, blame it on the atmosphere of my math class.]

Feeling small in an endless place, Chris walked into Ren's house. He gazed around, moth slightly agape, like he had just entered a museum. There was a clean, immaculate yet sad sense to the home, like a hospice where people just existed because they had nothing else to do.

He went to kick off his shoes but Ren shook her head at him. "Just leave them on."

"Do I have to whisper in here?" he whispered, scared to make much noise. 

She snorted. "Nobody notices me anyway, so they won't notice you either. Are you hungry?"

"I'm a growing boy." He met her eye. She looked confused. "So yes."

Smiling, Ren led him into the spacious kitchen. "What would you like?"

"Uhh…whatever you're having, I guess." Watching her as she crossed the room and put some popping corn into a pan on the stove, he leaned against the kitchen island, resting his elbows on the counter top. "So, you're scaring me, Ren."

"I am, am I?" she asked casually. "Elaborate, will you?"

"I've never been inside a house this big because no one would ever think of inviting me for fear of me leaking my less-than-thou germs all over their items of high expense. But now apparently you and I are all cozy and buddy-buddy, so I'm just curious as to who the hell performed your lobotomy."

Staring at him for a moment, she said flatly, "I'm a vampire. I want to recruit you." 

"Well THAT makes more sense than the shit you were feeding me before!" He paused. "Except for why you didn't turn to dust when sunlight touched you."

"Chris," she said. "I wasn't bullshitting before. I'm tired of the people I have to hang around. Do you think I like my reputation? Everyone assumes that because I'm popular, I must be a slutty stuck up bitch."

"I don't think you're a slut," he told her honestly. 

"But you think I'm a bitch."

"Yeah, and you're stuck up too. We've already established that, remember?"

Ren's lips tightened into a thin line, but she said nothing for awhile. 

"Hey, are you gonna cry? I didn't know that you could do that," Chris said.

"No, I'm not," she said. "It just sucks the way people think of me. I never did anything wrong."

Chris studied her face, and all he saw was sincerity. For the first time, he didn't feel like telling her to piss off or telling her that she was full of shit that he didn't feel like listening to anymore. For the first time, he felt empathy for her. Because she was like him on the opposite end of the spectrum. He hated how everyone figured they knew him because of his family and his social stature. Maybe Ren brought a lot of this on herself, but some of it she never asked for. And in a small town like Castle Rock, Chris knew how hard it was to make people forget who you are. 

"Don't you just wish you could go someplace where nobody knows you?" he asked quietly. 

Ren looked up at him, surprised that the words that came out of his mouth were sympathetic instead of biting and jaded. Her striking, caramel coloured eyes searched his, and Chris was taken back at how pleading the look on her face was. 

He nodded. "Me too."


	10. friendships

It was Math class the next day, the period before lunch when everyone's stomach was just beginning to growl vengefully. Caroline and Ren were talking, loudly, like popular people do because they like everyone to hear. 

"Are you coming out with us this weekend?" Caroline asked. "Michael Perkin's parents are out of town and he told me that they leave the liquor cabin stocked.

"Huh?" Ren gazed up. She was trying to do her math homework that she hadn't done the night before. Chris had distracted her and she forgot all about her work. He had only stayed for about an hour, but even when he had left, her homework was the last thing on her mind so it never got done. 

"Hello, have you gotten a brain transplant or something?" 

"Me?" Ren smiled and shook her head. "Nah. Um, anyway, I don't think I can go out this weekend, sorry."

"Why?"

It was on the tip of her tongue to tell Caroline it was because she couldn't stand her or any of the other people she pretended to like. But she didn't. Having everything delivered to her on a silver platter had made Ren a coward, and she knew that. She was trying though. "Because I'm, um, grounded."

"For doing what?"

"Why are you asking so many questions this morning?" Ren asked, laughing nervously. 

"Because I can." Caroline looked up and followed a girl named Beth with her eyes as she entered the room and took her seat. She snickered. "Check out Bethie's hair. I think she used a weed whacker to cut it. Oh my God, I can't even look at her."

Chris looked up at this exchange, having been eavesdropping on the entire thing even though he was supposed to be listening to his friend Rory talk about something. While he wasn't really suspicious of Ren anymore, he was still unconvinced that she would change when she was around her friends.

Ren glanced at Beth, who was sitting in her desk, looking down at her books shyly. She probably knew she'd gotten a bad hair cut, and it looked like she just wanted to be invisible. "Remember that time you got gum stuck in your hair and tried to cut it out? The hair on one half of your head was one length and then the other side was like six inches shorter. Remember that, Caroline?" She smiled at her, a pointed look on her face. 

"I remember," Caroline murmured. 

"Yeah, and Beth's hair is going to grow back just like yours did. So you could probably try leaving her alone till it does. 'Try' being the operative word."

Caroline glared at Ren in confusion. Ren grinned and shrugged. 

When Caroline looked away, Chris hurled a crumpled piece of paper at the back of Ren's head. She glanced back at him expectantly.

"That was exceptional," he laughed softly and appreciatively. 

Ren had a smile that she could win anyone over with, one that lit up the room and made you feel sunny, but she rarely used it because she rarely had a reason to. She used that smile on Chris, and it was infectious. "Thanks."

Maybe Ren wasn't what he thought she was. Maybe she was what she tried not to be.

"You are seriously creeping me out man," Gordie told Chris at lunch in the cafeteria. He peeled the sticker off of his apple and took a generous bite. 

"Me?" Chris laughed. "Why?"

"Because you like one of THEM!" he hissed, pointing to the crowded table of preps. "What is WRONG with you?"

"Nothing, I'm just being open minded."

"Open minded? Open minded! Open minded? Try crazy!"

"I don't like her," Chris muttered. "But she's not that bad. I wouldn't mind having her as a friend, that's all."

"Yeah, until her and her friends do something mean to you. You know what they're capable of."

"I would sic my dog on them if that happened."

"You don't have a dog."

"I would get a dog."

"Can I get a dog?" Elizabeth called, approaching the table. She caught her foot on the leg of someone's chair and went sprawling. Luckily she just had a bag lunch, and the brown paper bag just skidded across the floor and hit Gordie in the foot. Unluckily, however, she fell in Caroline's path. 

Looking up, Elizabeth scolded herself for not making a will. She had enough trouble with the popular girls in her own grade. She would rather be struck by lightening and then trampled by electrified wildebeests than piss off the ringleader of the popular crowd by default, Caroline Jennings. To make matters worse, Ren and Ryder Rasmussen were right behind her.

"Get the fuck out of my way, loser," she barked. 

"Hey!" Gordie yelled, jumping to his feet. 

"You have something to say, Lachance?"

"You don't have to talk to her like that," he said. 

"No, but I felt like it."

Ren stuck her hand out. 

Elizabeth gazed up at her cluelessly but grabbed Ren's hand and allowed her to hoist her to her feet. 

"Oh my GOD, are you going into sainthood?" Caroline screeched. 

"She only fell, Caroline," she muttered. 

"I don't have to put up with you acting like this," Caroline snapped. "You're trying to make me feel bad, but it's not working. I don't know what the hell your fucking problem is, but if you're trying to make people think you're better than everyone else, you're going to have to try a lot harder because you never will be. Come on, Ryder." She scoffed as they walked away. "I can't believe you have to be her brother."

Ryder laughed. "That's what I've been saying all along."

"Are you okay?" Gordie asked Elizabeth, holding her elbow protectively. "Here, I saved your lunch."

"Thanks," she said, smiling at him. "My knee got all owwed."

"Ohh, you skinned it," he muttered, looking down at her knee, which was bleeding a little.

Ren smiled softly at Elizabeth. "Come on."

"Where are we going?" Elizabeth asked, following her blindly. 

They ended up in the girls' room. Elizabeth propped her leg up on the counter while Ren rinsed the blood away with a wet paper towel. "So, uh…what's your name?" she asked. 

Watching her knee as the blood soaked into the paper towel and a tiny abrasion appeared under the mess, she replied, "Elizabeth."

Nodding silently, Ren tossed the paper towel into the garbage. "I'm really sorry about Caroline. She's such a bitch."

"I know. What I don't get is it's called the popular group, then why does everyone hate them?" Blushing, Elizabeth stammered, "I mean, no, I mean, no, I mean, I don't hate you!"

"It's okay." Ren shrugged. "I know that there's not a whole lot of people who exactly enjoy me. But you know what? If I have to become the biggest loser in the school, I'm through with those people."

"That's easier said than done I think," Elizabeth told her, poking her in the shoulder playfully, then scolding herself for touching someone of such high stature without permission. "I remember when I was little, and I didn't want to eat the play dough anymore in kindergarten, but that's what all the cool kids were doing but I didn't want to, so they all tried to beat me up."

"That's sad."

"Yeah, but I'm feisty." She giggled. "Actually, I just ran and hid behind the teacher. It sure taught them."

"So you're saying if I had someone to hide behind, I wouldn't have to worry about the cool kids anymore?"

"Hehe!" Elizabeth squeaked excitedly. "I know who _you_ want to hide behind!"

Raising her eyebrows, Ren asked, "How? I've never even talked to you before."

"No, but _I_ know everything, and I know that you like Chris."

"Chris Chambers?" Ren said, trying to sound incredulous and appalled, but it wasn't convincing. Her face reddened at an alarming rate. "Um, no? How could you say that, that's ridiculous and absurd?"

Elizabeth giggled delightedly and made up a little song, the main words being 'Ren,' 'likes,' and 'Chris.'

"Shut up, what if someone hears you?" she hissed.

"Like _who_, the toilet bowl monsters?"

"You believe in the toilet bowl monster too?" Ren cried.

"Actually, that was a joke, as in I was aiming for some appreciative laughs." Elizabeth frowned. "You believe in the toilet bowl monster?"

"No…I wanted you to laugh?"

"You're funny!" Elizabeth giggled. "That's good! Chris likes to laugh."

"I'll get the toilet bowl monster to smite you if you don't shut up," Ren warned. 

"Ooh, scary toilet--" 

Someone flushed the toilet in the far stall. Elizabeth and Ren screamed and ran away. 


	11. trust issues

Giggling, Elizabeth and Ren speed-walked down the hall back towards the cafeteria. Then they saw Chris and Gordie at the other end of the hallway, laughing together. 

"Guah," Ren squawked. 

"Guah!" Elizabeth cried, laughing. "How articulate!"

"Don't look, it's Chris."

"I'm not allowed to look at Chris?"

Sighing, Ren replied, "You can look, but just don't _look_ look."

"Oh so I shouldn't look at him in a suggestive way with my eyebrows all waggley and flirtatiously and then point at you?" she asked innocently. "Because then he might catch on that you think he's _yummy_ and you think he has kissable lips and--"

"Yes, that's what I meant!" Ren said.

"Ahh, gotcha."

"Elizzybeth!" Gordie called, seeing them. He dragged Chris over to meet them. "Are you going to live?"

Elizabeth painted on a tragic face and sighed, "Yes, but the sad news is that they cannot save my leg."

"Hahahahaha then you'll have to get a wooden leg and you'll be a pirate!" Gordie exclaimed. 

"Yep!"

"Can you get an eye patch too? Because that would be cool."

"Yep!" She grinned, and with her eyes still locked on Gordie, she said, "Hello Chris."

"Umm, hey." Chris snickered. "I'm over here."

"Yes, I know that." She leaned over and whispered to Ren, "Can I look now?"

Ren growled.

"So did you two bond?" Chris asked. 

"Yes!" Elizabeth chirped. "Mwahahahahaha."

Gordie grinned. "That was remotely evil."

"So guess what!" Elizabeth said cheerfully. "Will you walk me to my locker? Excellent. So anyway, as I was saying before I interrupted myself, guess what! Ren's decided to join our legion of the social outcasts!"

Gordie tripped up the stairs they were climbing up upon hearing this news. He gaped at Ren. "Maybe you should take a drug test."

"Yeah, right, Ren," Chris said softly. 

"What?" Ren snapped. 

"You can't just go from being one of the most enviable girls in school to being a reject." He let his hand skim over the railing and then drop to his side once the stairs ended and they reached the top level of Castle Rock High School. "No one's going to accept that."

"I guess they'll have to try," she muttered. 

"So will you."

"Hey, Ren's quite nice, right Ren?" Elizabeth said. She spun the dial on her lock, but it didn't open. Laughing, she moved over to the next locker and tried to open that lock, and was successful. "I was bleeding profusely and she stopped it and, also, I have excellent intuition."

"Then why doesn't your intuition ever guide you to the right locker?" Gordie teased. 

"It has a bad sense of direction," she said. "Anywho, I say if Ren wants to be a loser, she can be a loser with us."

"Me and Chris aren't losers," Gordie reminded her. "Only you are. You're like a loser parasite that we can't escape."

"Bite me." She smiled. "I know you never tire of my company."

Ren sighed, and they all noticed that her cheeks were pink. "I don't care, really. The bell's going to ring soon so I'm going to go to my locker. See you later."

They all watched as she descended down the stairs, her flawless black hair shimmering with every step she took. Then they started talking all at once. 

"No way," Gordie said. 

"I LIKE her," Elizabeth said defiantly. 

"She's borderline nice, and I think she's kinda fucked up in some ways to be blunt, but I just don't really think she can leave behind her clique," Chris told them. 

"Sure she can! She already did!" Elizabeth said. 

"She's a SPY!" Gordie cried. 

Chris smirked and stared at him oddly. "You don't say."

"I do say! Why the sudden interest, huh?" Gordie shook his head. "And spies are always beautiful like in James Bond."

"I am a spy!" Elizabeth said proudly. 

"You're not a spy," he told her. "You're not cool enough. And you're underage."

"So?" She reached into her locker and found a baggie filled with grapes, so she ate one. "Ew, these grapes are syrupy."

"And how long have they been in your locker for, Elizabeth?" Gordie asked. 

"The hell if I know, I don't even know how they got in here."

"Good God," he mumbled. "Anyway, back to Ren. Do you trust her, Chris?"

Chris looked at his best friend while he considered. He had wanted so badly to hate Ren for idly standing by while her friends treated everyone like shit. But there was something about her that he was starting to feel almost protective of. Glancing away, he said, "Yeah I do."

"So you're saying that we should forget about everything she's done and just accept her?"

"She never really did anything," Chris told him. "I can't think of a time when she did anything out right mean to anyone, she just didn't put a stop to anything. I want to be her friend."

Gordie still looked wary. "But she'll never change, Chris. She's so different from you, and she's just going to hurt you because she'll always be a snobby prep."

"Listen," Chris said. "If I hate her just because she's from whatever family she's from and she's got money and she's great looking and she's popular…that's exactly the same as her hating me for being a Chambers and for being dirt poor and only having two real friends in the world. But she doesn't hate me, she's trying to get to know me, and she's being sincere, so what gives me the right to not let her?"

Gordie shrugged. "I just don't want anyone to hurt you." He paused. "I didn't mean to sound so faggoty-ass. I apologize."

Elizabeth was chewing thoughtfully. "I think Chris is right. Good job, Chris, you're very smart." She held out the bag of grapes. "Grape?"


	12. breaking free

"Why thank you," Elizabeth said, slipping past Chris through the door he had propped open for her.

"Oh, you're welcome," he said, and let the door close behind him.

"Hey!" 

Grinning, Chris looked behind him and waved at Gordie, who was resentfully pulling open the door for himself. 

Elizabeth giggled. "I think you forgot to hold the door open for Gordie."

Gordie caught up to them. "Gee, thanks."

"Anytime, man," Chris laughed. 

As the three of them walked through the hallway together, not looking forward to the mundane school day ahead of them, Teddy Duchamp came up behind them, an excited bounce in his step. "Come on, guys, there's a chick fight!"

Walking further, they came to a small crowd, all yelling and cheering and laughing. Not many people were watching; word hadn't traveled very quickly apparently. 

"What's happening?" Gordie asked someone standing in front of them.

"Bitch fight," he replied simply.

"Yeah, but what happened? Who is it?"

"That Jennings girl and some other chick. They're just yelling. They haven't actually started to kick each other's asses yet."

Gordie glanced over at Chris, who was a few inches taller than he was. "Can you see, Chris?"

"Yep. It's Ren." He tried to push his way through the mini-mob. Finally, he got to the front, but just stopped, unsure of what to do.

"I'm sick of it!" Ren yelled. 

"Sick of what?" Caroline demanded. "You've got it made, Ren, and you all of a sudden decide that you're above it all?"

"No, I'm not above anything, but neither are you! You shit all over everyone, people you've never given a chance, but you expect them all to bow down and worship you!"

"You're exactly the same as me, Ren."

"Bull _shit._ I don't get my kicks out of making people cry." She set her jaw defiantly. "And I never got people to like me by fucking anything that's got legs."

Caroline shoved her hard enough to send her staggering back, the only thing stopping her from falling was the row of lockers she slammed against. 

"Don't try and crawl back to what you could have, you fucking gutter slut."

"What I could have?" Ren scoffed. "What, you mean gonorrhea and herpes, that kinda thing?"

Caroline practically lunged at her, and she probably would have taken Ren to the floor if she hadn't had the lockers up against her back. 

Chris bragged Ren by the arm, and with some effort, pulled her away from Caroline. 

They turned the corner together and went out one of the side doors into the parking lot. 

"Are you okay?" he asked. Noticing a scratch stretching across her cheek from Caroline's fingernails, he reached out to touch her face, but stopped. He crossed his arms over his chest shyly, hoping that she hadn't noticed what he'd almost done. 

"Yeah, I'm good," she muttered. "I think she bit me though. I hope my rabies shots are up to date."

"What happened?"

"I don't know, Chris," she said helplessly. "I don't fit anywhere."

"Sure you do," he told her gently. 

"No I don't!" she exclaimed. "Nobody likes me, Chris! Nobody has ever cared about me or about what happens to me…I don't know, I'm starting to think that I don't care either."

"Ren, don't think like that. It's not true at all."

"You don't care about me!" she said. She was not accusing, just more hurt.

"I do too."

Startled, Ren looked up at him sharply. "But you keep telling me to stop following--you said--you said we're too different and we'll never be friends."

"I've seen you change." Puzzlement fell upon her face, and Chris just shrugged. "And I know that what you just did, sticking up for yourself to Caroline, took a lot of guts. How could I ignore that?"

She lowered her eyes to the ground, kicking a pebble across the asphalt.

"You fit in, Ren," he promised. "You fit in with me."


	13. Raisins and Pickles

It was not a mundane day at least. 

Everyone was amazed at how naturally Ren and Chris took to each other. They were supposed to be like oil and water. They were not supposed to be acting like best friends. 

They shouldn't have been able to ignore everyone talking about them--talking worse than usual about Chris, and talking about Ren the way they talked about Chris for the first time in her life. It was strange how indifferent they were to it all. 

Gordie had developed some respectful admiration for Ren. He insisted that he just liked catfights, and admired any girl who participated in one, but he secretly respected Ren for being real for once. 

Elizabeth thought that this whole thing was the best thing since dill pickles (Elizabeth really liked pickles). She just thought that it was really nice to see Ren defend herself and it was really sweet of Chris to be taking care of her.

The tables had turned and now Ren was the one looking for someone to hold on to and be her friend. Chris knew that. She was stronger than he would have ever given her credit for, but even the bravest person needed someone to protect them. 

When Chris had pulled her away from Caroline that morning, Ren had fallen absolutely retardedly head over heels for him. She'd never felt this way about anyone before because she'd always convinced herself that she didn't believe in love. She couldn't believe in something she had no proof of. And while she understood that she didn't know Chris well enough to be able to say that she loved him, she did know that it would be very easy to. And she also knew that she would. 

They ate lunch outside that day in the parking lot so that no one would bother them. 

"What is with the apples?" Gordie raged. "Every single damn day I get a damn apple in my damn lunch! What is with this atrocity?"

"You're right, you should be eating like bacon and pies and stuff," Elizabeth said, windmilling her arms to keep her balance as she tried to walk along the short brick wall. This was an especially difficult task considering she was also attempting to eat a banana. "You need to eat fattening stuff to make you nice and beefy."

"Beefy?"

"That's what I said, I said beefy."

"Well, at least you'll be healthy. Apples are good for you," Chris said, and then looked at Ren, who was meticulously picking the raisins out of her raisin braid. "It kinda defeats the purpose of having raisin bread when you take out all the raisins."

"Ryder makes the lunches. He knows I hate raisins so he gave me raisin bread."

Nodding, he ate the shriveled up raisins that she placed on a napkin beside her. 

"What are you, a seagull?" she laughed. 

"A seagull?"

"A scavenger."

"Oh." He smiled. "I guess so."

She looked at him suddenly and sharply. "Where's your lunch?"

He glanced away and shrugged his shoulders. "I don't have one today."

"Why not?"

Elizabeth stopped walking on the wall and crouched down, making herself smaller. When she looked over at Gordie and saw him trying to act preoccupied with looking at his hands, she could tell that he was feeling just as uncomfortable as she was. 

"Well, um," Chris started, looking everywhere but at Ren. "There's not a whole lot of food to go around in my house this week. My dad's on a drinking binge right now and that's where all our money for food goes."

Chris glanced at her, and seeing her blush so deeply was endearing to him. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean--" Ren stammered, noticeably flustered.

"Hey, it's fine," he told her and then grinned. "I could afford to lose a few pounds. I got my mother's thighs."

Gordie and Elizabeth cackled, and Chris joined in on the laughing, but Ren just looked unnerved. 

"Lizzy, get off that damn wall, you're going to fall and die," Chris called. Elizabeth was giggling delightedly and violently, and she looked like she was going to topple to the ground. 

"Do you want this?" Ren asked Chris, holding out her bread to him. 

"No, that's your lunch, Ren," he said adamantly. 

"Yeah, I know, but the raisins are ruining this whole experience for me."

The two of them exchanged looks and everything was quiet for them. The look drowned out Elizabeth's frantic giggles as Gordie tickled her feet and the two teachers about thirty feet away outside having a smoke and talking. Chris understood that Ren had no idea what it was like being indigent and not being able to open your cupboard and find food waiting for you. She just wanted to help him, but they both knew that she would never admit that she was given him her lunch out of pity. 

He accepted the raisin bread with a small smirk and a quiet thank you. Then he looked up and saw Elizabeth kicking wildly trying to get Gordie to stop tickling her feet. 

"Elizabeth, stop thrashing around," he said. "You'll fall off that wall and your head will burst open like a watermelon."

"And then, if you have any, we'll eat your brains!" Gordie exclaimed. 

"Eww, no we won't!" Ren cried.

Gordie lunged at Elizabeth, tickling her sides. She screamed and fell backwards off the wall.

"And _what_ did I say?" Chris demanded. "I said 'Elizabeth you're going to fall and die,' but does she listen? No!"

"Elizabeth, did you fall and die?" Ren called. 

"Gklerble," Elizabeth groaned from the ground. 

"What a dork," Gordie muttered and kneeled down beside her. "Ellie, blink once for yes and twice for no. Is the damage serious?"

"Blink," she said. 

"Does your brain work?"

"Blink-blink."

He smiled down at her. "She's fine," he laughed, putting his fingers through her dirty blond hair. 

"Aren't you sorry you didn't listen to me?" Chris asked her. 

"Fuck you," she grumbled resentfully, turning her head into the crook of Gordie's arm. 

Chris grinned. "That's what I thought. Quick, Gordie, before she dies, make your move!"

Elizabeth glared. "I just fell off a wall. And you're making jokes?"

"It wasn't a joke," he laughed. 

"Ellie, I've got a cheese and pickle sandwich in my lunch that I'm willing to split with you," Gordie told her temptingly. 

Elizabeth hesitated. "…What kind of cheese?"

"Cheese kind."

"What colour is the cheese?"

"Cheese colour."

"What does the cheese smell like?"

"Cheese."

"What kind of _pickles_?"

He leaned forward and whispered, "_Dill._"

"Sweet Jesus!" she yelled and jumped to her feet. "Where? Where? Where?"

"Do you promise to not fall five feet and land on cement anymore?" he asked, holding half of his sandwich above his head while she leapt for it. 

"Yes! Yes! Of course! Give me the pickles, give me the pickles!"

"Good girl." He handed her the promised sandwich. 

"Mwahahahahaha!" she crowed and ran around in circles trying to find a worthy enough place to sit down and eat it. Finally, she plopped down next to Gordie and gazed lovingly at her food. "Oh blessed be the dilliness of this cheese and pickle refreshment."

Chris looked over at Ren, who was staring in amazement at Elizabeth. "What?" he chuckled. 

"I've never seen anyone with so much energy," she said slowly, awe in her voice.

"She loves food," he said.

"Excuse me, not just any food, I love PICKLES," Elizabeth said, annoyed, with her mouth crammed full of sandwich.

"Let's try keeping the pickles _in_ your mouth," Gordie snickered.

"Are you really partial to that?" she asked, pointing to his half of the sandwich. 

"You're already _done_?" he demanded. 

"Yes. Now, you can hand that sandwich over to me peacefully or we can do it the hard way. Either way, I'm eating it, so it doesn't matter to me."

"You're lucky my mom packs me a spare," he grumbled, giving her the sandwich. 

"You have more?"

"It's cheese whiz and jelly."

"EWWWWWW blasphemy! Blasphemy!" 


	14. Elizabeth's house

Ren and Chris trailed behind Gordie and Elizabeth that day after school as they all walked back to Elizabeth's house. 

After a long period of silence, Chris asked her, "How's life?"

Ren gave him a small smile. "Alright, thanks."

Up ahead, Elizabeth was singing, "I have a new friend, I have a new friend, I have a new friend…"

Gordie was doing his best to shut her up. 

"Did anyone really hassle you?" Chris asked.

Of course they had. Ren had almost cried a few times. It was the remarks that some people had made about her screwing Chris that had hurt the most. "No, nothing that I couldn't handle." She shrugged indifferently. "Did anyone bother you?"

"Well, besides the interesting rumour of me being the father of the twins you're carrying, not really." He grinned, and then abruptly moved to walk on the other side of her so that she was on the inside of the sidewalk. His mom had told him once that the guy should always walk on the outside when he was with a girl so that she didn't get hit by a car. At the time he thought it was funny, but that's because up until now there had never been a girl for him to really walk with.

"Good." Looking at Gordie and Elizabeth for awhile as they laughed hysterically together at a small dog with a bow tied up in someone's yard, Ren leaned over and whispered, "Am I the slowest person in the world or do they like each other?"

Chris laughed. "You're the slowest person in the world and yes, they like each other."

"That's cute. How old is Elizabeth?"

"Fifteen. Almost sixteen."

"So Gordie's a cradle robber?" 

"She's only a year and a half younger than us." He smiled. "But we can call him that if you want, because the image of him lingering over cradles and robbing them is kind of funny."

She giggled. "How long have they liked each other for?"

"Hell, I don't even know. Forever. Or at least since she moved here. Ever since she got stuck in a bush."

"She got stuck in a bush?" Ren asked, laughing. 

"She was trying to get her cat, and her pants got caught on a branch and tore a big hole in the back of them, so she was in there until Gordie heard her swearing and freed her." He laughed. "He still makes fun of the supposed 'granny panties' she was wearing when he wants to piss her off."

"Well, I don't know if that's a cute story or just kinda sad," Ren giggled. "She's not allowed to date or something?"

"Yeah, her dad's a total dictator. Very tyrannical." He considered for a moment. "Like Hitler. But not German."

"Ah, he just loves her and doesn't want some boy breaking her heart."

"You sounded somewhat sad saying that," he pointed out helpfully.

"Meh," she muttered. "I guess I kinda wish that my dad gave a flying crap about me."

"Well," Chris said, linking his arm playfully through hers. "At least now you've got friends that do give a crap about you."

"BABY!" Elizabeth squealed.

"Oh, God, brace yourself," Chris warned Ren. "This might get mushy."

"I missed you so much, did you miss me, aren't you just the sweetest thing in the world, yes I love you thiiiiis much!"

"Elizabeth, you're going to strangle that dog someday and it'll die and then you'll be really sad but I'll just say 'ha ha I told you so,'" Gordie said. 

"I love him!" Elizabeth snapped. "You can't keep us apart! You don't _understand_!" She spotted Chris and Ren watching her reunion with her large German shepherd/border collie mix dog. "Hello! Ren, have you met my dog?"

"No."

"Would you like to?"

"Yes." 

"Excellent! Ren, this is Nakoma, Nakoma this is Ren. I think you two will get along beautifully."

Nakoma appeared pleased to be meeting Ren. His butt was whipping back and forth as he wagged his tail enthusiastically. 

"Watch your crotch," Gordie said. "He's a known crotch-diver."

"Gordie, that was crude," Elizabeth grumbled. "I'm trying to teach him to keep his nose to himself. And he only does that with guys anyway."

"Oh my," Ren said. "Too much information."

Later, they were up in Elizabeth's room. Elizabeth, however, was not present at the time, because Gordie had sent her on a mission to find food for them to eat. 

"Gordo, what are you doing?" Chris asked. 

Gordie was searching discreetly through her desk drawers. "Her diary, man, it's gotta be around here somewhere."

"Gordie," Ren laughed scoldingly. "You don't touch a girl's diary."

"But what if it has something about ME?" Gordie demanded. "I need to know!"

"Diaries are often filled with girly information you don't need to fill your mind with."

"But--"

"Gordie, sit your ass down," she said. "If she comes in here and finds you searching for her diary, she's going to be pissed and then I won't find it enjoyable to watch you two be all cute with your repressed romantic feelings."

Chris grinned at her. "Always thinking, aren't you?"

"It can get annoying," she admitted. 

Elizabeth kicked open the door. "I brought you a kitty!"

"To eat?" Gordie cried. 

"No, you damn nimrod," she grumbled. "This is my kitty, Ren, his name is Neko. Actually, it's not, there's more to it, but I don't remember. All I remember is that it means psychotic kitty. Anyway, he is for you to play with." With a large smile on her face, she placed a small grey cat in Ren's arms and looked on them with impatience, waiting for them to bond.

"Uh, very nice--" Ren began uncertainly, but then Neko began to purr, and Ren melted. "Ooh, he loves me!"

"Yeah, I've got another cat around here somewhere named Felix," she said, flopping down on the bed next to Gordie. "But we hate each other. Actually, he hates everyone. One time he got stuck in a tree and so my brother climbed up to get him and then realized that he couldn't climb down with a cat in his hands so he yelled down to me to catch him and then he let Felix fall and then he zoomed right through my open arms to the cold hard ground and it was all very sad so Felix is traumatized and he needs therapy."

"I like Felix," Chris offered. "Felix likes me."

"Oh why don't you marry him then?" Elizabeth asked. 

"I have the magic touch," Chris told Ren secretively. "I make tame stuff that's wild."

"Then what's with your hair?" Gordie asked. 

"I'm just letting it grow out a little, bite me, Gordie."

"That reminds me. I'm hungry." He looked to Elizabeth expectantly. "Feed me?"

"Oh, I forgot about that." She looked bashful, and then went out into the hallway. She leaned over the banister and yelled, "ZEKE!"

"NEVER!" a voice from downstairs shouted back. 

"BRING ME UP ENOUGH FOOD TO FEED A SMALL ARMY OKAY?"

"WHAT'S IN IT FOR ME?"

"I WON'T HIRE ANYONE TO KILL YOU!"

Eventually, a boy about nineteen or so came into the room, and hurled a box of cereal at Elizabeth. "There you go, Sweetheart."

"Cereal? You forgot the milk and bowls and spoons."

"No, I didn't, you're just an idiot and I'm not your bitch."

Chris and Gordie were already devouring the dry cereal by the handful. 

"Hello," the boy said, suddenly noticing Ren. "I don't know you." He grinned. "AWWW, Lizzybeth, did you make a new friend?"

"Yes, I made her. Just call me Dr. Frankenstein."

"You know that always back fires." He smiled at Ren. "I'm Zeke. Elizabeth might try and convince you that I'm her brother, but don't believe her. I disowned her a long time ago."

"You ARE my brother!" Elizabeth cried. "Why doesn't anyone want to be my relative?"

"Because you're a disgrace and you eat drywall," Zeke replied. 

"I do not eat drywall!" she yelled. She turned to Ren. "I do not eat drywall."

"Well, you used to."

Ren smiled, and then looked at Zeke. "I'm Ren Rasmussen."

"You're a Rasmussen? What are you doing hanging out with my little sister? She's such a freak."

"I've decided to convert to freak as well," she laughed. "So you'll be seeing me around lots."

"Good." Zeke grinned and then left the room. 

"Ooh, my brother was hiiiiitting on you," Elizabeth sang, doing a dance. She wrinkled her nose. "Ew! That's gross! Do you want to lie down? It must be very grisly and terrifying for you."

"I'll be fine," Ren giggled. 

"Yeah, she's used to being hit on, aren't you?" Chris teased. 

"Shut up," she laughed, and smacked him with a teddy bear. 

"Barnaby! Unhand him at once!" Ren tossed the bear to Elizabeth, who held him tightly. "I have some sisters too. They also might hit on you, so maybe it would be best if you stayed away from them."

"Hey!" Gordie said. "Chloe loves _me._ I don't know about Leah though. I worry about her orientation issues."

After the cereal was gone, Ren decided that she should probably be going home. Chris thought that it was too dark for her to walk home alone, even though he didn't say so, but he did offer to walk her home. 


	15. Going Home

"Did you have fun?" Chris asked as they walked side by side. 

"I did," Ren replied with a grin. "But I think I'm going to be in deep shit."

"What for?"

"For not phoning to say I wasn't coming home after school." Ren grimaced, embarrassed, and looked up at him. "And no offense, but if my dad finds out that I was with you, there will be hell to pay."

"No offense taken, I'm used to being treated like a disease." He glanced over at her. In the moonlight, she looked so amazing that it was almost as if she was fictitious, like he should be seeing her on the silver screen instead of in person in silver light. "But I thought your dad doesn't care what you do. Why would he care who you associate yourself with?"

"He doesn't care about me, but he does care about himself," she said. "If word got around that I'm hanging around you, he'd be pretty pissed."

Starting to feel slightly insulted, Chris asked, "So…I'm going to have to be your secret friend that no one else can no about? How convenient."

A small smile touched her mouth. "I don't want to keep you secret." 

"I hate girls. You're so confusing."

"I never said that I was going to try and hide me and you being friends from everyone. I just said that I'll be in trouble when people do find out."

A leaf danced with a light breeze over Chris' shoe. He peered at her, not sure what to say. 

Nervously, she giggled. "Stop looking at me like that."

"What made you say that?" he asked. 

"Say what? 'Stop looking at me?' I don't like being stared at so--"

"No, before that."

Ren sighed deeply. "Can I tell you something without you getting mad?"

"You're a spy, aren't you?"

Laughing, she shook her head and flipped her long dark hair over her shoulder. "No, I'm not. Sorry. Um. Hmm. You're different."

"In comparison to what?"

"Everyone else I've ever met," she murmured. 

He shrugged. "Everybody's different."

"I meant different as in special. As in, I don't think I'll ever meet anyone as special as you."

Chris looked down to hide his blush. "There's a whole world outside of Castle Rock, you know. Lots of special people out there."

"Never mind," she muttered. 

"But I do mind," he teased. "What were you going to tell me?"

"Nothing. It was nothing."

"Rennifer," he taunted.

She burst out laughing. "Did you just fucking call me Rennifer?"

"Why, yes I did!" he replied. "I don't know what Ren's short for so I made something up."

"It's short for Loren." 

"We're off topic," he said. "What were you going to say?"

"Nothing! I was just spewing words!"

"That sounds colourful."

"Harumph," she grumbled.

Chris cackled. "I've never heard the word 'harumph' used in actual context before. Anyway, back to before, you're pissing me off and you're going to tell me if I have to tickle the hell out of you."

"I'm not ticklish. I'm cold-hearted and void of all emotions so you go ahead and try!"

"Well if you're not even going to protest, I'm not going to bother."

"Fine then," she said.

"Fine." They were quiet for a few seconds and then Chris whined, "Tell me!"

"No. I changed my mind and now I don't want to tell you."

"Tell me!"

"No!"

"Tell me!"

"No!"

"Fine, then, don't tell me."

"I like you!" she blurted irritably. "Dammit!"

That took Chris aback. First, he stopped walking, then he stared at her, then he averted his eyes to the ground, and then he smiled. "Wow."

Her face pomegranate red, she grumbled, "That wasn't the response I was expecting."

"You _like_ me?" he asked, just checking to make sure. 

"That's what I _said_ wasn't it?" she snapped. 

"Ooh, cranky are we?"

"Leave me alone."

"Ren," he said. "I think it's really cool you like me. Actually, I'm blushing, and I'm glad it's dark so that you can't see."

Ren waited a moment for him to tell her that he liked her back, but he never did. She tried not to sigh, but did anyway. When she looked down the road a little ways, she spotted a familiar looking car. "My dad has that make of car."

"It's a nice car," Chris commented appreciatively. He laughed. "Hey, wouldn't you laugh really hard if it was your dad out looking for you?"

"I'd probably run away, screaming," she said. "Hmm. The man driving the car looks suspiciously like my father."

"You have good eyesight," he said.

"Don't turn left, don't turn left," she murmured. They watched as the silver car turned on its left blinker and turned, driving towards them. "Ah crap!"

Chris giggled. 

"Lord, I'm never going to see sunlight again," she cried. "God DAMMIT, should I hide? Maybe you should! Quick, run!"

Chris did not run, however, because he was laughing too hard to hear her orders. He staggered onto the grass so that if he fell over it wouldn't hurt as much. He especially enjoyed how she ran ahead to meet the car instead of running in the opposite direction. 

Daniel Rasmussen rolled down the passenger window and stopped the car. "Ren?"

"Hi Daddy," she said brightly, with a large smile. 

"Where have you been?" he demanded. 

"I've been with some friends. I'm sorry for not calling home."

"Out with some friends?" he asked. "Then why are you out prowling the streets at this hour?"

"Chris was just walking me home," she protested. "I wasn't prowling. I'm not a cat burglar."

"You had your mother worried sick," he barked. "Your brother's out looking for you too. Where the hell do you get off being so selfish, Ren?"

"I'm sorry," she muttered.

"Get in the car."

Her eyes wild, she looked from her father to Chris. "Couldn't we give Chris a ride home--"

"I said get in the damn car."

Ren looked up at Chris apologetically and then obeyed. She had barely shut the car door when Daniel sped off. 

Chris watched until he couldn't see the car anymore before turning and walking in the direction of his house. 

All he could think about as he walked leisurely was how Ren liked about him. He knew it was the truth just by the way that she'd said it, but he just didn't understand why. He had never been able to understand why she had picked him over everyone else. But did he like her back? He didn't know. The only thing Chris was sure about was that he cared about her, and didn't want anything bad to ever happen to her. He just couldn't imagine holding her hand or calling her his girlfriend or thinking of her on Valentine's Day…But then he'd never held any girl's hand before, or been able to have anyone to call his girlfriend and he barely knew when Valentine's Day was. Maybe Ren would be able to show him what that would be like. And maybe he wanted her to. 

Rounding the corner on Prince Street, he ran straight into Ryder Rasmussen and two of his friends. He decided that he had seen enough of that family for one evening, so he mumbled an apology and tried to go around. 

"Why in such a hurry, Chambers?" Ryder asked with a grin. His idiot friends giggled like a chorus of hyenas. 

"I have to go home," Chris said quietly. 

"Where you coming from?"

"Elizabeth Jacob's house," he replied honestly, mentioning the fact that he'd just been with Ren the farthest thing from his mind. 

"You didn't happen to see my sister, did you?"

"Not for awhile, no." That was almost the truth. Chris wouldn't feel right lying, even to an asshole like Ryder but he would if he had to. 

Ryder grinned. "You weren't out with my sister?"

"Which one?" he stalled. 

"Real funny, smartass," Ryder said. "You were just with Ren, weren't you?"

"No," he replied flatly. 

"Why not? Something wrong with my sister?"

Chris shook his head. "Nothing's wrong with your sister."

"Is there something going on between you and Ren, Chambers?" Ryder asked. Something glinted in his eyes that made Chris nervous. 

"No."

"I think you're lying." Ryder looked back at his friends. "What do you guys think?"

Dumb and Dumber giggled. 

"That's what I thought too," Ryder said. "What do you say, Chris? Care to revise your answer? Is there something going on between you guys?"

"I said no, didn't I?" Chris snapped. 

"You lying sack of shit."

"Come on, Ryder, just let me--" Chris began to say, but a cheap knee shot to the groin shut him up, making him drop to his knees. "Fuck you," he gasped. 

One of Ryder's henchmen kicked him squarely in the ribs when he struggled to get to his feet.

"You're not so tough, are you, Chris?" Ryder smiled. 

"Not when you've got your little cheerleaders with you," he said quietly. He placed a hand over his injured side and wearily rose to his feet. "Now please get the fuck out of my way."

By the time he got home, his dad was waiting for him. Apparently Ren's mother had called over to the Chambers' house to inform them that Chris had had Ren out past her curfew. 

Chris' dad figured that by Chris hanging out with some "socialite," he was once again trying to prove that he was better than the rest of his family. He hadn't stopped with enrolling in the college courses. Now he was running around behind their backs with some rich tramp.

So Chris got beaten up twice that night. 


	16. Cookies Zeke Magic Balls Dinner Invitati...

The next time Ren talked to Elizabeth it was Saturday. Elizabeth invited her over and she ran over as fast as she could; she just needed to get away from her family. And being with Elizabeth was like a breath of fresh air. She'd never had a friend who won you over just by being herself.

"I hate you! I hope you DIE!"

"You hate me and you wish I DIED?"

"NOT REALLY, I just wish that you'd go into a coma and wake up after I'M dead!"

Ren heard this lovely conversation through an open window of the Jacobs' home, and paused with her finger over the doorbell. Hearing two girls screaming at each other was not exactly her cup of tea, but she rang the bell anyway, hoping that Elizabeth knew of a place in her house far away from the yelling. 

Elizabeth didn't open the door, however; it was Zeke that came to the door. "Ren Rasmussen," he greeted her, a smile on his face. "I hope you're here to see me."

Smiling back, she admitted, "Technically, I'm here to see Elizabeth. Is she here?"

"Yes." He opened the door wider for her and stepped out of the way so she could come in. "But she's in the middle of a life and death match with our sisters. I was refereeing it."

"Sounds serious," Ren commented. "What's this fight about?"

"There's only three cookies left."

"Aren't there three sisters though? That's enough cookies to go around."

"Yes." He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans and walked with her further into the house. "But my sisters are greedy and piggish. It's all or nothing."

Looking up at Zeke, Ren nodded. "Sounds like someone has a dysfunctional family."

"I'm perfect," Zeke protested. "It's just those other three morons that make my family look bad."

She laughed. "I believe you."

"It's the sad, sad truth." They entered the kitchen. "Elizabeth, your friend's here."

Elizabeth made a squeal of happiness and then jumped up off the floor to go see Ren. But first she smacked one of her sisters in the face with a roll of paper towel. "This fight will resume later. You leave my cookies the hell alone, you ass munchers."

The smallest of the two girls laughed, high pitched and evil. "The cookies are mine!"

Zeke grabbed her around the waist and dragged her away from the other girl. "Come on, Chloe, it's not a real fight unless Elizabeth's getting the crap kicked out of her. You and Leah have to wait until she comes back."

The two girls looked disheartened. 

While she gingerly touched a small bite mark on her forearm, Elizabeth mumbled her introductions. "Ren, the cute, little one is Chloe. She doesn't bite people. The other stupid one is Leah. She does bite."

"I only bit because you were shoving your damn arm in my damn face!" Leah shot back. "If someone was shoving something in your face, wouldn't you just naturally try to bite it off?"

Elizabeth raised her eyebrows. "Not in all cases. Depends what the object is. And who the object belongs to."

Ren snickered. "This conversation is getting PG-13ish."

"I agree," Elizabeth said. "Want to go up to my room?"

Ren nodded and followed her up the stairs. Once they were in Elizabeth's small room, she took a tentative seat at her desk while Elizabeth sprawled out on her unmade bed. 

Tossing a Magic Eight Ball up in the air and catching it, she asked, "So, how was the walk home with Chriiiiistopher?"

Ren picked up a pen and absentmindedly doodled on a scrap piece of paper. "Um, well, I kinda told him that I liked him."

She began to sing, "Ren and Chris, sitting in a tree, f-u-c-k-i-n-g!"

"That's not how that song goes, you heathen," Ren snapped. "And he doesn't like me back."

Like a dying fish, Elizabeth flopped off the bed to the ground. 

"Goodness," Ren muttered. "Are you okay?"

"No!" she cried. "What is wrong with him?"

Ren sighed. "Nothing's wrong with him."

"But you're nice, and real purdy, and sometimes you're even funny, and you just were all like 'screw it' to your scary-ass friends all for HIM!"

"It wasn't just for him that I did that," she pointed out. "It was for me too, but yeah, he's why I was _able_ to do it."

"Awwww," Elizabeth gushed. "Because he had unshakable faith in you!"

"No, he had no faith in me, and I wanted to show him that I was worth his time."

"How romantic."

Ren ran her fingers through her hair. "He's so cute!"

Elizabeth giggled tauntingly. "Hahahaha you're in loooove."

"I've never loved anyone before, so I don't know if I love _him_, but I sure do care about him a lot more than all the people I'm _supposed_ to give a shit about."

"You've had to have loved someone in your life," Elizabeth protested. 

"I can't love someone who doesn't love me back." She considered. "Unless you count Chris."

"HA!" Elizabeth chucked the Magic Eight Ball at her. "You ARE in love!"

"Whatever," she giggled. 

"Consult the wise ball."

Grinning, Ren shook up the Magic Eight Ball, asked her question, and then read what it said. "'Ask later.'"

"Oh, what does it know?" Elizabeth grumbled. "I'm very wise. And I happen to say that you are in love, so grrr to you and that damn lying ball."

Later, they went downstairs because Elizabeth was hungry as usual. There was no one in the kitchen, which was unusual, so they tiptoed in quietly. Elizabeth carefully removed the lid from the cookie jar and was about to fish out the cookies when Zeke shouted something resembling a war cry and rammed her into the stove. 

"Cheater!" he yelled. 

"It's fair game!" she cried from the floor. "You ruptured eight of my internal organs and now I'm really pissed off! Give me my COOKIES!"

Zeke shoved a cookie in his mouth. "There goes ONE cookie!"

Elizabeth shrieked and leapt to her feet, chasing him around the table. As Ren watched them run in circles, she was rather concerned that Zeke was going to choke on the cookie he was chewing, but was quite amused anyway. 

Hopping quickly on one foot, Zeke took off a sock, ran normally again, and threw it at her as hard as he could. She yelped as it hit the side of her head and bounced off.

"That's not fair! I don't have anything to take off and throw at you! I don't believe in socks!" She paused for a second and then said, "Oh yes I _do._"

Ren shouted, "Don't you take off your damn shirt, Elizabeth."

She dug in her pockets and threw pennies at her brother. 

He shielded his face. "Owwie! You're pelting the cookies! You're pelting the cookies! Ow!"

Dropping a dollar bill, she stopped to pick it up and then, seeing Zeke racing towards her, fell forward onto her face. She screamed bloody murder as he dropped down and pinned her arms to the floor. She yelled as he began to pick her up, "I have a friend I can easily hook you up with so you don't have to be a loser whose only girlfriend ever worked at a library!"

He hesitated and then smiled. "Really? Who?"

"I'll tell you if you let me go," she challenged. 

Ren said, "It's a trap! Her only other friend besides me is Gordie."

"Oh yeah," Zeke said slowly. He slung his sister over his shoulder and lugged her to the bathroom. "Mercy?"

"No, what are you gonna do, flush me?"

"I could flush the cookies."

She howled. "No! No! Jesus, no!"

Zeke dumped her in the bathtub and then quickly ran away, slamming the door behind him. He barricaded it with a chair. He dusted his hands off proudly and then looked at Ren, who was still watching in astonishment. "Cookie?"

She grinned, and accepted the peanut butter cookie from him. "Thanks. Aren't you going to let her out?"

He shrugged and then called, "Lizzy, do you want to come out of the bathroom?"

"Did you eat the cookies?"

"Yes."

"Then leave me be."

"See?" Zeke laughed. They wandered into the den and sat down on a loveseat. "So, Ren, what are you like?"

She giggled. "Um…I'm still trying to figure that out."

"Well, I know that this is a long shot, but maybe we could figure that out together, say during dinner tonight or something?"

"Jeez, Zeke, I barely know you. And there's this one guy--" she began. 

"Oh, you have a boyfriend?"

"Well, no," she said. "But you know Chris? I really like him a lot, and--"

"Chris Chambers? He's a cool guy. Why aren't you going out if you both like each other?"

"That's the problem. He doesn't like me back."

Zeke nodded empathetically. "That's the shitter. But you know what, Ren? You can't spend your time trying to get one guy to like you. Maybe he'd just be a really good friend to you and you should leave it at that. You can't love someone who doesn't love you back."

Ren looked up into Zeke's bright blue eyes. She did like how his curly dark hair flopped over his forehead carelessly, and he had honest face. She knew he was right; she shouldn't waste time trying to get Chris to like her back. He was a really good friend right now, and maybe she shouldn't mess that up by complicating things. Plus, she really liked Elizabeth, so her brother probably had some of her good qualities. 

"Okay."

"Really?" he asked, grinning widely. "You just made my day. Can I pick you up at seven?"

Feeling kind of guilty, Ren nodded. "Sounds good. Maybe we should let Elizabeth out now."

****

[AN: hahahaha don't worry, this is actually going somewhere. Oh, and I have to give my friend Veronica credit for the chapters to come because she's my muse! Hehehe I've never had a muse before:) And she gave me these ideas! I'd write the ideas right now but I'm tired and I'm going to bed.]


	17. Chris' Reason

Elizabeth pounded on Gordie's front door impatiently later that night. Finally, Mr. Lachance opened the door, a tired look in his piercing blue eyes. "Hi, Elizabeth."

"Hi!" she exclaimed, somewhat out of breath. "Kay, quick question, is Gordie home?"

"Yeah, he's up in his room."

"That's nice. Can I see him?"

"Be my guest."

Thanking him energetically, Elizabeth slipped past him, kicked her shoes off and dashed up the stairs to Gordie's bedroom. She went in without knocking. 

"Holy damn!" Gordie cried. "You scared the bejesus out of me. Don't you know how to knock?"

"I forgot in the midst of all this breaking news!" she said. "Hi, Chris, when did you get here?"

Chris grinned at her from his spot on the floor. Papers surrounded him so she assumed he was doing his homework with Gordie. "Before you did, evidently. How strange."

"My stupid brother is taking stupid Ren out for dinner as we SPEAK!" she exclaimed. 

"Didn't take him too long to move in on his prey did it?" Gordie laughed. 

"No, this is horrible!" Elizabeth wailed. "My brother is an ogre! He's a relatively nice and gentle ogre, but he's _stupid_ and he's just not Chris!"

"What's that got to do with anything?" Gordie asked. "You're weird, Ellie."

Chris replaced the lid on his pen. "Ren likes me, Gordo."

"Hahahahaha!" Gordie laughed. 

"It's not funny, you insensitive shit head!" Elizabeth barked. "She really does like him and the only reason that she's going out with Zeke tonight is because she figures Chris will never care about her like she cares about him so why bother waiting around for something that's never gonna happen and why can't you just stop being a stupid boy with your stupid boy-ness and just go throw Zeke out a window and profess your love to Ren?"

"That was one of the longest run-on sentences I've ever heard," Gordie said. "I don't remember much of what was said."

"Elizabeth," Chris said. "Ren would get hurt if she ever went out with me, you know that right? She'd never hear the end of it, and the girls at our school aren't very nice to her, and her brother's a fucking asshole…"

"But it would be like Romeo and Juliet," she whined. "Star-crossed lovers who triumph in the end--"

"They kill themselves, Elizabeth."

"They _do?_" she cried, aghast. "What a stupid story! Anyway, back to _my_ story. Who cares what people say? You're going to miss out on something good just because you're scared of what some stupid people might say?"

"It's not what they say, Lizzy," Chris said, looking at her significantly. "You wanna know something? That night I walked her home, Ren's brother and two of his goons kicked me in the balls and in the ribs. And then when I got home, my old man kicked the shit out of me for being with her. So it's not just what people _say, _alright?"

Elizabeth and Gordie exchanged small glances. "I didn't know that, Chris--" Elizabeth began to say. 

"It's okay. But I just don't want anything to happen to Ren. I don't want someone to hurt her because if they did, it would be my fault."

She lowered her head. "I know what you're saying."

"Yeah." He kept his eyes on her even though she was no longer looking at him. "So don't get your hopes up."

Shrugging, she said, "Don't you think that you could protect each other though? It's not like you'd be alone, you'd have each other."

The light in Chris' eyes changed colours for a moment. But then he just looked back at his homework and said, "She'd still get hurt."


	18. Chris' Reason Illustrated

Kicking a rock along as he walked home from Gordie's, Chris let his mind wander. It was dark and kind of cold and he was glad he had brought his jacket along. 

He tried to think of anything else, but with every step he took, his thoughts turned to Ren. 

No matter how hard he tried he knew that he wouldn't be able to tell himself not to like her. It was more than "like," he guessed. He cared about her. He wanted to look after her and make sure nothing bad ever came her way. 

Which is why he couldn't say anything to her. When she had told him that she liked him, he had wanted so bad to say it back. He had wanted her to give him his first kiss. And yeah, maybe he could be happy for once but he didn't know if causing her to get hurt was worth it. He also didn't enjoy getting the crap beaten out of him for associating with her either. 

Suddenly he saw her turn the corner, her perfect dark hair in incredible disarray. She was walking fast, her head down. 

"Ren!" he called. 

She looked up, startled. 

He jogged over to her. "Ren, you okay?"

"Yeah," she said, keeping her head lowered. 

"Liar. Did something happen?"

When she glanced up at him, he saw a flurry of tears streaming down her rosy cheeks and the sight made him nervous because he'd never seen her cry. "Well, Chris, apparently you're the only one who doesn't think I'm a slut."

"Pardon?"

"I went out with Zeke tonight," she muttered. 

"What did he do?" Chris demanded, his voice low and grating.

"Nothing. But he tried." Chris could tell she was trying to stop crying, but she was trembling like a leaf and her voice kept hitching with tears. "I mean, he apologized, but I guess he was under the popular illusion that I'll do it on the first date."

Chris gently tucked her hair behind her ear. "God, if he touched you--did he hurt you?"

She shrugged, looking away as if she wished existence would end. "His friends told him that someone like me will do just about anything. So after dinner, we were walking around Asher Park in a little grove of trees and he started to get a little--forceful, and I'm like 'what are you doin buddy?'" She stopped to scrub furtively at her eyes with the back of her hand. "Anyway, he quit it. And he was sorry. He told me about telling his friends about meeting me and everything and they told him to ask me out because girls like me just never quit. It's like I don't have any pride! Why did he think he could do that to me?"

"I think I'm going to kill him," Chris decided. 

"Don't," she said. "He just didn't understand."

"Didn't understand?" he cried. "What, he didn't understand that some girls actually have some self-respect?"

"This never would have happened before," she said quietly. "People all these assumptions set for me, but they never cared enough to watch to see if they were true. No one cared about me but at least they left me alone and didn't try to hurt me. And now I'm in the middle of all these people watching me, and trying to be myself. But they all think I'm some rich, easy snob who dropped out of a fucking Members-Only heaven, walking among them and I'm free for them to use."

"So you wish things had never changed," Chris said. 

"No, I couldn't live like that anymore!" He could barely understand what she was saying; she was sobbing so hard. "But I don't know how to live like this anymore, I just can't stop hating myself and I don't know what to do!"

"Don't ever hate yourself, Ren," he said. "Sometimes I can see the real you, and it's such a beautiful thing to see."

"Chris," she murmured. "Don't say things like that when I'm already crying."

"I'm sorry, Ren, he told her. "I hope you stop being so sad." He slipped off his jacket and laid it across her cold, shaking shoulders. 

"Thank you," she said. 

"You don't think you can be as good as you were before," Chris all of a sudden said. "You think you've lost what made you shine, but I can still see it, I can see it better now."

She laughed hoarsely and painfully, her tears slowing. "Stop that."

"No," he laughed back. "I'm going to keep saying stuff like that no matter how much it makes you cry because I'm going to make you see that you're so…high above everything now."

"Go ahead and try. I know I'll never be the girl I want to be."

"I know," he said. "But you're the only girl I know that wants me to be who I am."

Ren looked up at him curiously. Her eyes were rimmed with pink and her face was flushed and wet with lingering tears. She looked vulnerable, true and the best Chris had ever seen her. 

She told him, "That's because who you are is everything I'm trying to be."

Placing a hand on her shoulder and startling her in the process, Chris leaned over, somewhat awkwardly, and kissed her. 

When he pulled away, she began to giggle.

He laughed too. "I didn't think it was _that_ bad."

"It wasn't," she insisted. "I'm giggling because now I'm kinda giddy."

"Oh, yes, I have that affect on many women," he laughed. "So, um, are you my girlfriend?"

"If you say please," she teased. "People aren't going to like this, Chris. What if something bad happens?"

Chris shook his head. "Maybe you should kiss me again. I'm pretty sure nothing bad could happen if we were kissing."

Ren broke out into a huge smile. "Sounds logical to me."

That was Ren knew for sure that she was in love. She was scared for a second, scared that she had fallen in love and wouldn't be able to find her way back to the surface. But with Chris' hands in her hair and his sweet inexperience lingering on her lips, she really didn't care. 

[AN: I hope you liked that because I stayed up to 3:12 in the morning writing it. I also hope you didn't think it was too sappy, but I'm in sappy-mode lately hehehehehe :)]


	19. Rindy

"May I ask what you are doing?" Ren asked conversationally.

"Nothing," her younger sister Rindy said immediately. 

"Of course not, you're just lurking around my room like Frankenstein or something because you're doing nothing." Not really caring, she dumped Chris' jacket on a chair and went to her dresser to find some pajamas. She was really tired, and she couldn't wait to fall asleep so she could dream about him.

Rindy turned to her and said, "Ren, can I ask you a question?"

"I don't have any form of birth-control in my room, so you're out of luck."

Rindy's small face looked worried instead of seasoned for once. "That wasn't my question."

"Turn around," Ren said, and pulled her nightgown over her head while her sister's back faced her. "Okay, you can turn around again. What's your question?"

She sighed. "How do you say no to a guy?"

Taken back by the question, Ren stared at her sister for a moment. Rindy wasn't the type to come around asking for sisterly advice. They had never been close. In fact, Rindy wasn't close to anyone in their family. "Um, well, you say no."

"It's not that easy though," Rindy insisted. "I really want to change, Ren. I don't like how guys step all over me. I just feel gross and I thought maybe you could tell me what to do."

Ren raised her eyebrows in surprise. "Wow, Rindy. That's good to hear. You're not pregnant, are you?"

"No."

"Okay, just checking." She sat down on her bed. "You don't have a whole lot of self-esteem, do you? Otherwise you wouldn't have started saying 'yes' to these guys."

"I guess."

"Come sit down," she said, and waited until Rindy had perched herself awkwardly on the edge of her bed. "Um, well, I guess, if you start acting like you respect yourself a little more, guys aren't going to think that they can take advantage of you. For the most part guys are decent, but they're just boys, you know? If they can get what they want, they'll take it."

The smile that lit up Rindy's face was an incredible, indescribable reward to Ren. She'd just done something for her little sister. She couldn't remember the last time that had happened. "Thanks, Renny," Rindy said.

"Anytime, Rindy," she said genuinely. "You're my sister, I don't want you to get hurt. I'm glad that you're actually talking to me. It's like a friggen miracle."

"Well, I kinda admire you a little."

"Are you nuts? I can't even colour inside the lines and I still find bathroom humour funny, and you _admire_ me? What the hell for?"

"You've been acting different lately, and you're being friends with good people instead of those skanks and stuff. And I just think that that's really brave and I wish that I could get rid of my reputation like you got rid of yours."

"People still think I'm a slut, Rindy," Ren said. "But they say it to my face now."

"Yeah, but you're not. Who cares what other people think? Now you can figure out who you are and then when you do, you won't have to worry about having to hide it because you won't feel like you're not good enough for your friends." She grinned. "I think that it's really cool. And I'm glad you're my sister because now you're like Super-Ren."

She giggled. "Thanks, Rindy. You're not too bad yourself. If you start showing off your personality, guys are going to want to be around you because of who you are instead of what you're willing to do."

"I'll try. Thanks." She stood up. "I'm going to go to bed. Goodnight, Ren." Before she turned to go, she hugged her quickly and awkwardly, and then hurried from the room. 

Ren kicked back her covers and snuggled in beneath the warmth of the blankets. She had a perma-smile. She decided then that no matter what people tried to do to her, she would never go back to settling on being someone less than who she really was just so she could be accepted. She hadn't realized that her sister looked up to her, and that she had been a crappy role model. Now she'd try and help Rindy out a little. And then there was Chris. It made her dizzy to think how much she had fallen for him in such a short amount of time. She never would have known she could feel like this if things hadn't changed. She felt worthwhile for once because someone needed her, and she felt safe for once because someone was going to protect her.


	20. I told you so!

"I don't know _how_ to do the rest!" Elizabeth yelled from the kitchen. It was the following day, mid-afternoon. Chris thanked Leah for letting him in, and then went in to the brightly-lit kitchen to talk to Elizabeth and Gordie. He stood unnoticed for a moment while they argued.

"You'll never know how to do the rest if you keep skipping all the questions that require marginal thinking," Gordie scolded.

Chris smiled. Gordie used to tutor him all the time, and while he was a patient teacher, he got tight assed from time to time. And Chris didn't have half the temper or whining capability that Elizabeth had, so he could hardly imagine how annoyed Gordie would be getting with her. But of course he loved her even when she was pissing the hell out of him. 

"Did you ever notice how the number 8 looks like a headless snowman?" she giggled. "AUGGHH his head is on a rampage! Nooooooooo--" She shut up when Gordie threw an eraser at her and hit her in the eye. "ARGLEBLEURG…whimper…"

"Looks like I'm not interrupting too much," Chris said.

"Chris!" Elizabeth cried, clutching her face. "Did you see what he just did?"

"No. Sorry." He grinned. "Umm, is your brother home?"

Ren was inspecting eggplants. She hated grocery shopping, but her mom was passed out on the sofa and their cupboards could use some restocking. 

"Ren!" Caroline said from behind her, poisonously delighted to see her. She was picking up potatoes for her mother. 

Ren looked up, saw Caroline, and looked back down at the eggplants. "Hi."

"How's life?"

She shrugged. "Good, thanks."

"I haven't talked to you in forever, what's new and exciting?"

Ren asked impatiently, "What is this? Why are you making small talk with me like this?"

Pretending to look hurt, Caroline said, "Well…I thought it was normal to talk to my friend."

"You still consider yourself my friend?" she demanded. 

"Listen, Ren," Caroline said. "You're my _best_ friend. Whatever I did to piss you off, I'm sorry. Just be my friend again. 

"Do I look stupid or something?"

"No, you look lonely and confused, and if you just stop being so--stuck up and come back to where you belong--"

"Forget it. I didn't belong in your group to begin with. Now that I don't have to worry about being good enough for you, I can actually be myself."

"You can't be yourself! You've never been anyone!" she shrilled. "Are you trying to get back at me for going out with Michael Perkins? You can have him back. He's an idiot and he's lousy in the sack. He knows like one move and repetitive motions make me queasy."

"Well, as tempting as that sounds, no thank you. I'm seeing someone."

Caroline's carefully painted lips twisted into a cruel smile. "You really are doing Chambers!"

"You are such a bitch," Ren snapped. 

"Yeah, because I'm right," she said back pleasantly. "Please excuse me and my potatoes now."

Chris knocked on Zeke's bedroom door lightly. He didn't want to start anything, he just wanted to set things right.

Zeke pulled open his door. "Hey, Chris. What are you doing here? You can come in, but beware of falling objects."

He wasn't exaggerating; the room was a pigsty. 

"What can I do for you?" Zeke asked. "Ahahaha so that's what I did with the hammer."

"If you ever lay a finger on Ren again, it will be your ass, do you understand me, Zeke?"

Zeke's eyes grew in size, but he nodded solemnly. "I swear to God, Chris, last night was a complete misunderstanding. I wouldn't hurt a girl like that."

"I believe you," Chris said. "But just so you know, my opinion of you is pretty low right now. I never thought you would take out a girl for an easy lay."

"I know, it was stupid," he said. "I'm just kind of embarrassed about being a--I mean, I'm almost twenty and I've never, um…yes."

"News flash, nobody cares."

"Is Ren okay?" Zeke asked. "She really was pretty okay to talk to."

"She's alright, yeah," he replied. 

"Would she go out with me again maybe?"

"No," Chris told him. "She's with me."

Zeke grinned. "Ooh, Chambers steps up to the plate," he laughed. 

Elizabeth called Ren to come over when Gordie was in the bathroom. When he came back, he asked, "So did you figure out how fast you'd have to be going if you want to get to Destination X in the allotted amount of time?"

She giggled and thought about how cute he was when he was being smart. Then she said, "According to my calculations, you'd have to travel at a rate of negative forty-eight miles per hour. What the hell? LIES!" She flung her notebook to the floor. Loose papers fluttered across the kitchen. 

Gordie picked up her book and inspected it. "Why did you convert everything into decimals? _How_ did you convert everything into decimals? You can't just make up numbers because you feel like it."

Elizabeth's body slumped forward onto the table and she began to whimper and grumble. He couldn't make out any of the words she was saying. All he heard was, "…fruggen grr…_Stupid._"

"You're not stupid," he told her, massaging her shoulder. "School work just doesn't agree with some people. At least you can always fall back on your cuteness."

"Cute is for baby ducks and kittens playing with yarn," she muttered.

"Hmm. You don't like being called cute, hey? How about sexilicious?"

He heard a muffled snicker. "Okay."

Later on, the doorbell rang. Gordie went to answer it so Elizabeth could do her work. He was rather surprised to see Ren; he hadn't known she was coming over. "Hey Ren."

"Gordie. Imagine meeting you here at Elizabeth's place of inhabitance." She grinned. 

"Yes. Imagine that." He also smiled. "Now tell me what it is that you want before I get out my shotgun and chase you off of the Jacobs' property."

"I just thought I'd drop by to tell you about the Rasmussen Two-For-One deal. Money's tight, so our mom's putting her children's bodies up for sale."

Gordie laughed. "Well you might as well come in then."

"It depends how much you're paying."

"Wait, you said something about a Two-For-One deal? Where's Rasmussen number two?"

"I have a brother. He's a tramp."

"Oh. I don't want him. You can come in though."

Elizabeth ran to the front entrance. Ren, thank God you're here! My brain is just about to explode! It should be pretty amazing!"

"That's nice." She laughed. "Do you want some help with your homework?"

"That's what I've been trying to do," Gordie sighed. 

"I'm taking a fucking break, alright? Come on in, you can help me find something to eat."

"You like to eat, don't you?" Ren giggled, following her. "I bought an eggplant today."

"That's gross. Don't talk about vegetables around me. They make me want to yak."

"Are pickles vegetables?"

"I don't really know, but you can talk about them if you like." She bent down and looked through a corner cupboard. "Oh my _God._ Who the hell ate the cereal?"

Chris and Zeke walked down the stairs, laughing about something. 

"Zeke, did you eat my Wheaties?" Elizabeth demanded. "If you did, I'm afraid I'll have to destroy you."

Zeke, with a witty comeback to give his sister, saw Ren. She was looking amazingly poised and almost regal that day, and he was so embarrassed all of a sudden that he blushed furiously. He said, "No, I didn't eat your Wheaties, but I'll go get some more. I'll be back." He smiled minutely and left. 

"Hey, Ren," Chris said, smiling. "I thought I heard you."

"What were you and Zeke talking about?" she asked even though she already knew. 

"Uhh, politics." 

She laughed, but she was feeling pretty loved. She'd never had someone to stick up for her like that before. 

"Ooh, I think I see some wafer cookies," Elizabeth said excitedly. After she'd retrieved her cookies, she stood up and saw Chris and Ren giggling together. She exchanged looks with a completely weirded-out Gordie. "Holy crap!'

"What?" Gordie, Chris and Ren all said in unison. 

"Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, I am smart, you are stupid, I win, you suck, bahahahahaha!"

"What are you babbling about, you psychotic fruit loop?" Gordie demanded. "You're getting cookies crumbs everywhere by bouncing around like that."

She pointed at Chris and Ren. "Gordie, are you blind and uneducated? Can you not see the 'I'm in love' glances they're giving each other? And the sickening giggles? And then blushing? And the stupid smiles?"

A slow smile spread across Gordie's face. "Ohhh! Right."

"You don't get it, do you?" she asked. 

"Sure I do. Just tell me so that I know _you_ get it."

"Idiot," she giggled. "They _like_ each other. And they _acted_ upon the likingness of each other."

"Ohh! Way to go, Chris!" he said. "And yay to you too, Ren."

Elizabeth waggled her entire body in some kind of dance. "I told you so!"

"You told nothing," Chris said. 

"I did so! I was like 'little do they know but they will fall madly in love with each despite all odds.'"

"You didn't say anything like that," he laughed. 

"Oh," she giggled. "I must have said that in my head and only imagined that I said it out loud. Anyway, I was right. I told you so!"

Ren grinned. "Elizabeth, don't be smug."

"Fine," she sighed. She beamed and poked Ren in the nose. "I told you he liked you." She looked at Chris. "And what the hell is wrong with you and your stupid unhappy ending to Romeo and Juliet analogies? You liked her and you were just being silly!"

"Lizzy, it all worked out well. Let's leave it at that," Chris said.

"I told you so!" She nodded proudly. "I bet you're all thinking that I'm really smart, aren't you?"

"No, not really," the others replied.


	21. Twenty questions and first kisses

After awhile, Chris and Ren left Elizabeth's house to go God knows where. Currently, Elizabeth was making Gordie mad by being complacent.

"So," he said, trying to take her mind off of the whole Chris and Ren matter. "How did you do on your English test?"

"I told you so!"

"Are we still doing the 'I told you so' thing?"

"Apparently. I told you so."

He grumbled. "It's really annoying."

"I'm sure it is. I told you so."

"Let's talk about something else, okay?"

"Not a chance. I told you so."

Gordie sighed, and flicked her arm. "Stop that!"

"Not until you admit that I told you so!"

"You told me so, dammit!"

"Mwahahahahahaha, I so told you."

Even after all the years he'd known her, her immaturity still amazed him. He didn't usually mind, but he could only stand so much. "Guess what!" he said enthusiastically to alter her attention. 

"What?"

"No, you have to guess!"

"You can't make me."

"Please? It's part of the game."

"What game?"

"The guessing game!"

"When did we start a game?" she asked, picking at some lint on her sweater. 

"We started when I said guess what. You annoy me. Guess what?"

"Are we starting a new game?"

"No, it's the same game. Guess what?"

"What?"

"You're supposed to guess remember?"

"You are secretly in love with my brother."

"No, eww!"

"I guessed. Can you tell me now?"

"That wasn't a real guess."

"It was too. I've seen the way Zeke looks at you."

"New game!" Gordie exclaimed. 

Elizabeth groaned.

"20 questions!" He thought for a second. "Okay I got one."

"Who said I wanted to guess?"

"Me."

She shrugged. "Reasonable. Umm okay, animal, mineral or vegetable?"

"It's supposed to be person place or thing."

"No, it's animal, mineral or vegetable once you pass your sixth birthday."

"It has to be a yes or no question."

"Not the first one."

"Okay. Well…okay, none of them."

"What do you mean none of them?"

"It's not an animal, mineral or a vegetable. That's two questions already. Jeez, you suck at this."

"That wasn't two questions and how can it not be one of those three?"

"There are many things that aren't animals, minerals or vegetables."

"Like what?" she shrilled.

"Like your shirt. It may have been made from a vegetable, if you consider cotton a vegetable, which you probably do because you think marijuana's a vegetable…it's a plant. So is cotton. But anyway, it's not a vegetable now either. And it's also not a mineral or an animal. That's four."

"Four what?"

"Questions. Now it's five."

"There is no way in hell that I've asked five questions. I asked one."

"You asked, 'animal, mineral or vegetable' and 'what do you mean it's none of them' and 'how can it not be one of them' and 'like what' and 'four what' which adds up to five questions. Unless you are numberly challenged."

"What the hell are you smoking?"

"Vegetables, Elizabeth, vegetables," he said, smiling. "That's six."

"Do you want me to--" Elizabeth started angrily and stopped herself. "I'm going to hurt you if you don't play fair."

"Six and a half."

"There's no such thing as a half a question!"

"You didn't finish your question so therefore it's half a question."

"There was no question mark, and the question mark makes it a question, that's not six and a half!"

"It's still six and a half."

"I don't believe that, it should only be one."

"You cheat so badly, Elizabeth."

Elizabeth pounced at him. He didn't fall over; he barely moved. He just giggled and flipped her on to the floor. 

"I'll take off the half. But it's still six." Gordie grinned more.

She sighed. "So it's not an animal, mineral or a vegetable."

"Was that a question?" Gordie asked eagerly.

"It was a statement. Did my voice go high at the end? No. It wasn't a question."

"Seven."

"What?"

"Eight."

Elizabeth growled and realized her mistake. "Is it liquid or solid?"

"What happened to yes or no?"

"It's staying at eight, you answered my question with a question so that takes off a question for me."

"Dammit. That was sneaky."

"Is it a liquid?"

"It could be classified as a liquid."

"Could it be classified as a solid too?"

"Yes."

"Is it ice?"

"It has ice in it."

"Is it a Slurpee?"

"No."

"Can it come in different flavors?"

Gordie laughed. "Well that's pretty disgusting, but I guess so."

"It's edible then?" 

"I didn't say that it was edible."

"Well is it?"

"Um…" Gordie said uncertainly. "Not exactly. People have been known to eat it."

"Gordie, your answers suck."

"Well okay, let's just put it this way, you wouldn't die if you ate it, but it's not a recommended food source."

"How many questions have I asked?"

He giggled and she looked confused at first but then caught on and looked angry. "Yeah Elizabeth, that was a stupid question. You're now at 16."

"Shit. Umm…is it dead?"

"It can't be dead if it was never living. I told you, it's not a vegetable and it's not an animal."

"There's other living things besides animals or vegetables…Like fruit! Is it a fruit?"

Gordie just laughed again, "No it's not a fruit!"

"What is a fruitcake made of anyway?" she asked and then hit his shoulder. "That sucks! I'm so stupid!"

"One question!" he howled, laughing hysterically. 

Elizabeth glared at him. "So people have eaten it and you won't die from it, but you wouldn't recommend it."

"That was sneaky, there should have been a question mark!"

"But there wasn't because it was a statement, I was just recalling stuff out loud."

"Okay."

She thought for a few minutes. Gordie came to the conclusion that she was cute when she tried to think because she got all intense looking. Her eyes widened and she yelled, "Is it a dog from China?"

"No!" Gordie yelled back. "It has ice and it's not an animal, you dumbass!"

Elizabeth pounded her head against the floor repeatedly as Gordie ruptured his spleen laughing. When they were both done, she asked, "What is it?"

"I can't tell you that, you lost."

"You evil little bastard," she growled. "I hate that game, when I grew up and I played it, the answer was always light shade or table or something."

He just grinned. "Your turn."

"I am not playing that game with you again, asshole."

He slid off the couch so that he was sitting next to her on the floor. "You should look mad more often, it's really cute."

She growled. 

"How much longer till your birthday?"

"Eighteen weeks," she replied immediately. 

Gordie laughed. "You've started the countdown already?" 

A pink blush coloured the apples of her cheeks. "Well, I'm kinda looking forward to it since you're going to be one of my birthday presents."

"Ooh, happy birthday to me!" he giggled. 

She looked up at him. "Gordie, you do know that once I'm sixteen, my dad's going to move it up another year, right?"

"What do you mean?" he asked, confusion apparent on his face. 

"He'll decide that I'm still not mature enough to date, so he'll say I have to be seventeen until I'm old enough."

"Well, screw him, he doesn't have to know." He grinned. "Hey, how would he ever find out if I did this?" He leaned over and gently kissed her for the first time. He decided in that moment that after five years of wanting to kiss her and finally getting to, it was pretty worth it. 

Elizabeth cackled. "He wouldn't! Continue!"

So he did.


	22. Downtown Confrontation

Ren and Chris were having a playful argument as they walked purposelessly through downtown Castle Rock. 

Giggling, Ren said contemptuously, "I can't believe you think Santa Claus is a woman."

"Ren," he said impatiently. "Think about it for a minute. Since when do men ever do Christmas shopping? They're too stupid! They don't know sizes of clothes or anything vital like that. Hell, my dad doesn't even know how old me and my brothers and sisters are. It's the women that know important stuff like that, and you're just too stubborn to realize that I'm right and you're an idiot."

"He just knows everything. Santa's magic, Chris."

"And he's a woman!"

She grinned. "Do you still believe in him or something?"

"Or SOMETHING?" he scoffed. 

Poking him in the side, she sang teasingly, "Chris believes in Santa Claus…"

"That's it, I'm crossing the street, and you're not allowed to follow," he said irritably. 

"Fine," she giggled. He waited for a car to pass, and then walked across the street to the other side, parallel to her. She watched his sturdy yet lanky form as he moved with his usual nonchalant direction. 

She was still giggling when her brother and three of his friends came out of the pool hall. Ryder grinned upon seeing her. "Fancy meeting you here, Ren," he said, his voice dripping venomously with sarcasm. "Decided to take a break from doing the horizontal mambo with Chambers?"

"Go fuck some farm animals, Ryder," she spat. 

"Dude, your sister's got balls," one of his friends said, laughing moronically. 

"And you don't," she shot back. 

"I like her, can I have her?"

"Fuck you, Rick," Ryder snapped. "She's my sister. That's gross, man."

"You don't seem to have a problem with her doing the wild thing with Chambers," Rick reminded him.

"Ew, mental images!" Ryder cried, and punched Rick hard in the arm. "I SAID she's my SISTER, alright?"

"Well, I'm finished with this conversation, so how about you get out of my way?" Ren said pleasantly. She glared challengingly at her brother, who was of eye level to her. The two of them looked incredibly alike, both with dark hair and the striking caramel coloured eyes, but there was something so different about them all the same. It was something that would set you off right away and you wouldn't be able to tell what it was that was wrong. The difference was the looks in their eyes and the natures of their smiles. Ren was worldly yet benevolent, whereas Ryder had this impish cruelty about him. And when they looked at each other, it was like a collision. "Get out of my way, Ryder."

"That bruise on your arm," Ryder said, ignoring her and gesturing to the multicoloured welt on her forearm. "Did Chris get a little rough last night?"

"No," she said. The bruise was actually from Zeke when he had grabbed her arm too harshly the night before. "How about your limp nuts, Ryder? Did your boyfriend bite a little too hard?"

Ryder seized her arm and swung her backwards into the wall of the building. 

"You fucking whore, Ren, you're a fucking embarrassment," he barked. "Do I gotta beat the shit out of you to show you your place?"

"Can I have her now?" Rick asked. 

"Would you shut the fuck up, Rick?" he snapped. 

"Ren!" 

Flinching, Ren looked past her brother and saw Chris sprinting across the street, not bothering to look for cars first. "Haha, Chris is going to kick your ass," Ren said smugly, and yelped as Ryder slammed her head against the brick wall. 

"Don't you fucking touch her!" 

"Hold him," Ryder ordered to one of his neanderthals. 

"Can I beat him up?"

"I don't _care_. Yeah, go ahead."

"Man, she's your _sister_," Chris said, struggling against the guy's arms. "That's gotta mean something." He glared at the guy holding him back. "Hey, watch it, Jumbo."

"Fuck you, Chambers, don't go telling me about fucking family loyalties. Ever taken a look at _your_ family?"

"Ryder!" Ren snapped furiously. "Don't be an asshole!"

"Well, goddammit, Ren, it's bullshit! You come from a good family and you're throwing away all the respect anyone had for you by running around with this pile of shit!" Ryder yelled. "I don't get it, and you're my sister, and I'm not going to stand by and watch you do this to yourself!"

"A good family?" she shrilled. "You actually believe we come from a good family, Ryder? Our sister is a slut because she thinks she has to be. And dad. He's the reason why all of us hate ourselves and you know it! He's told you that you're nothing, and you've always believed it. You wouldn't be going around, shitting on all these people, if you thought you were worth anything. You just can't stand people being better than you so you put them down or you get someone to kick their ass for you. Our mom is a drunk, and she's _worthless._ Maybe at one point she was worth something, but not anymore. She threw away everything she was worth so that she could marry the _right_ guy. And I'm not going to do that to myself, okay? I'm trying to _be _worth something! And I don't know about you, but I sure as hell don't respect her for that, so I don't want to grow up to be like her. What do you really think a good family is?"

"I don't need anyone to kick _your_ ass for me Ren, so you better watch it," he hissed, but her spiel had hit something weak in him.

"Yeah, it takes a lot of balls to beat up your sister, " Chris said, bitingly sarcastic. "Then you can be just like your dad when he beats up your mom, you fucking prick."

"Shut up!" Ryder yelled, wildly swinging his fist and connected with Chris' jaw. Chris stumbled back, but it wasn't a strong enough blow to really faze him. "You're not gonna fight back, or what, Chambers? You fucking pussy, come on!"

Chris wasn't the type to fight back, but he also wasn't the type to back away. He had always been strong enough to take it. 

Ren grabbed hold of her brother's arm, shouting at him to just go home. Rick wrapped his bulky arms around her waist and yanked her back. 

This was when Zeke walked out of the General Store. He was armed with a box of cereal because Elizabeth was a pig. She ate all of her cereal and didn't even realize it. He walked with his head down, making sure he didn't step on any cracks in the sidewalk. Hearing yelling, he glanced up and saw a bunch of guys bullying some other people. He kept walking, and recognized Chris. 

__

Crap, what if Elizabeth's in trouble? he thought to himself. _I don't care if she's a pig; she's still my sister. I should punch someone._

Zeke yelled, "Hey, break it up!" When the guy pushing Chris around didn't even look up, he jogged up to him and punched him squarely. Zeke was pretty scrawny so it probably didn't hurt very much, but the little short guy that looked like Ren backed off a little.

"What are you gonna do about it?" he demanded. His eyes were rootless and he looked nervous. 

"Well, I just made your lip bleed," Zeke said. 

Ryder touched his mouth gingerly, and saw blood on his fingertips. "You're just one guy."

"I have a lot of friends."

"Like who?"

"I can't even name them, there's too many."

"Name one."

"I'm not taking orders from _you, _you little grasshopper," Zeke scoffed, even though he was praying that he would leave this situation with all his limbs intact. "Get the hell out of here before I open a can of whoop ass."

Chris snorted.

"You know, whatever," Ryder said disgustedly. "I really don't care. This isn't over, Chambers, you better watch your back."

"Ooh, stop scaring me before I soil myself."

Glaring at him, Ryder began to walk away, two of his goons following. He looked back and snapped, "Rick, let's go!"

Zeke whacked him with the box of cereal. "Don't touch her, you asshole."

Rick slowly released Ren, who smiled kindly at him. "I hope you enjoyed that."

When they had disappeared around the corner, Chris grinned slowly at Zeke. "Myyyy hero."

Ren giggled. "Gee, if I were ever tied to train tracks, I wouldn't call John Wayne, I'd call you."

"I'd call John Wayne," Chris countered. "He has a horse."

Zeke smiled and shrugged. "Well, I'd better go get this cereal back to my sister. She's a pig." He caught Ren's eyes, and she nodded reassuringly to let him know that everything was forgiven between them.


	23. Secret

Ren walked into her house, a little paranoid that Ryder would be waiting to kick her ass around the corner. She moved her way apprehensively into the kitchen, where her mother was looking through the cupboards. 

"Hi, Mama," she said quietly, a little surprised. Her mom hadn't made a meal for them in ages. 

Miranda Rasmussen smiled, a little weakly. Her left eye was beginning to swell. Evidently, she'd gotten in her husband's way. "Hi Renny, how was your day?"

"Alright, thanks. What are you doing?"

"Thinking I'd like to make something for supper. Have you eaten yet? I know it's kind of late."

"No," Ren replied. "No. Do you want some help?"

Her smile grew sadder. She nodded. "I think I need some."

As she got closer to her, Ren noticed that she didn't smell alcohol on her breath for once. She looked around and saw four emptied wine bottles on the counter. Ren looked up at her, and wanted nothing more than to hug her. "Oh, thank you, Mama…"

Miranda gestured wildly, a tear slipping from her welted eye. "I was just thinking…you know…what kind of a mother am I? I don't even cook for them…so I wanted to make something for you tonight…"

"Mama, I'm proud of you," Ren murmured. "Here, let me get some ice for your eye, okay?"

"Thanks, sweetheart," she said. "You know, you've been so beautiful lately."

Dumping some ice cubes into a plastic bag, Ren smiled and handed the ice to her mom. "I never had a reason to be beautiful before."

Laughing breathily through her tears, Miranda said, "Oh, you're in love." 

Ren tried not to giggle, but it didn't work. "Yeah, I guess."

"Who's the boy?"

She hesitated for a moment, but decided that her mother wouldn't react like her father would if she told the truth of who she was dating. "Chris Chambers. Do you know him?"

"I knew his mother. She was in grade twelve when I was in grade nine." She smiled. "You're dating her son?"

"Yeah." Ren shrugged. "No one's too happy about it."

"I can't imagine they would be," Miranda said truthfully. "Stigmas are hard to break."

"I know. I'm trying to break mine." She looked pleadingly at her mom. "Mama, Chris really is amazing. I don't get why everyone hates that I love him."

"Well, love's more powerful than hate, Renny. Just keep on loving him. I've never seen you shine like you do right now."

Ren squeezed her mom's hand. "Yeah, well, I never knew what you were worth before. I see now."

Later, around eleven, Ren sat cross-legged on her bed in her nightgown, leafing through an old photo album from her parents' wedding. Studying their smiles, she realized that neither of them looked really happy.

There was a knock on her door. She shoved the album under her bed--she wasn't supposed to have it in her room. Getting up, she crossed her room quickly and pulled open the door to see Ryder. "Fuck," she said, almost by way of greeting.

Ryder slipped past her into the room and shut the door behind him. "I'll say. Do you know how bad you pissed me off today, Ren?"

"Well, Ryder, it wouldn't have happened if you'd just let me pass," she shot back. 

"Well, someone's gotta teach you a lesson."

She snorted incredulously and walked back to her bed, tired of talking to him. 

"My own sister, fucking a Chambers," Ryder said, pushing her from behind. "You don't know how much just looking at you disgusts me because I can't help thinking how that low-life fuck's hands have been all over you--"

Ren whirled around, and pointed a shaking finger at him. Her voice seethed with anger. "Don't talk about him that way! And you're just jealous, Ryder!"

"What the hell does that mean?" he demanded. 

"Ryder, I know why you've never had a girlfriend--"

"Shut up, Ren," he barked. 

"--and I don't have a problem with it, I swear--"

"Shut up!"

"But it doesn't give you an excuse to be such an asshole!"

Ryder lunged at her, knocking her to the floor. When she hit the back of her head on her bedpost, she cried out and he scrambled away from her. He may have wanted to kill her a moment before, but she was still his sister. 

"Are you okay?" he asked. 

"Yeah." She rubbed her head, glaring at him viciously. "I'm sorry if the truth turns you rabid, but please don't touch me."

"I'm sorry."

They sat in silence, their backs resting against her bed. 

Not looking at him, Ren said in a quick burst, "I don't care if you're gay."

Dismissing the idea of denying her words, Ryder shrugged. 

"It's nothing to be ashamed of or anything," she told him, just wished he'd say something.

"That's easy for you to say. You're a girl; you're _allowed_ to have a boyfriend." He rested his elbows on his knees and raked his hands through his soft dark hair. "I'm in high school. I can't be gay. When you're a teenager you gotta hide it and don't tell me you don't. In a small town like this, fags are fags, not real people. And I want to be somebody, Ren. I'm someone."

"Yeah, you're my brother," she said. "You're practically the other half of me."

"How did you know?" he wondered. 

"Like I said, you're like the other half of me. I know you pretty well."

"Listen, Ren, I know I've been treating you like crap--"

She corrected, "You treat me like crap that's been rolled around in by a dog that just got pissed on by a larger, smellier dog."

"Granted," he admitted. "But you're not going to tell anyone, are you?"

"That would be awfully sweet revenge, wouldn't it?" She grinned at him. "Okay, I won't say a word, but on two conditions."

"Sure."

"You leave me and Chris alone. You hassle either one of us--if you even look at either of us wrong--word will spread so fast you'll have whiplash. Agreed?"

"Fine."

"Number two. You can't tell Dad about Chris."

Ryder shook his head. "I wasn't going to in the first place. He would kill you."

She nodded solemnly, knowing that that was true. If her father found out that she was going out with Chris, she would get the shit whaled out of her. "So we're good now, Ryder? It kinda sucks hating your twin."

"We're good, Ren." He smiled sardonically, and he put his head down quickly, but she still saw the tears form in his eyes. She didn't know why he was crying. She wouldn't ask. "Nothing like blackmail to mend the rifts between brother and sister."

Ren knew she still loved Ryder despite everything he did to people. He was insecure and his secret was eating him up. No wonder he believed their father when he told him he was a disappointment; Ryder thought there was something wrong with him. There was nothing wrong with him. Everything about him was what made him her brother, and she loved him for it. 

She also knew that if she didn't hold his secret in her hand, he would continue hurting her. And if the tables were turned, and it was her that was trying to hide something, Ryder wouldn't hesitate to make sure the whole world could laugh at her. 

However, he sat next to her, crying, and she laid his head down on her shoulder silently. They still loved each other. 


	24. Playground

"Look what has happened with just one kiss," Elizabeth sang, in a terrible falsetto way too high for her voice. "I never knew that I could be in love like this…"

"If you keep singing Dusty Springfield, I will put you in a box and send you to Peru. On a bus," Gordie growled. 

"You can't get from Oregon to Peru on a _bus_," Elizabeth said, a touch of arrogance in her voice. "Boy, you know you're unsmart _when…_"

The two of them, along with Elizabeth's dog, as well as Chris and Ren, were walking through the park, foliage tattooing shadows on their arms and faces. They hadn't told Chris and Ren that they were kinda secretly more than just friends. It wasn't like they didn't trust them. For some reason they just didn't want to tell anyone yet. 

"A _swing_," Ren observed, pointing to the swing set about fifty feet away. 

"Hey, I'll race you," Elizabeth said. 

"No, I don't race. I walk," Ren told her adamantly. 

"Fine, have fun walking while I get there before you do," she giggled, and took off, Nakoma racing along beside her, barking madly. 

"I'm going to kick your scrawny ass, you freaking midget," Ren grumbled and chased after her. 

"Hahaha, girls running," Gordie said.

Chris looked at his friend and shook his head. "You surprise me in the most shocking ways sometimes, Gordo."

They watched, amused, as Elizabeth caught her foot in a gopher hole and fell. "Run, Nakoma, rip her ankles off!"

Ren dove onto the seat of the swing, and squawked as Nakoma barked at her. "Elizabeth, get it away from me!"

Gordie held Elizabeth by the elbow as she got to her feet. "Wow, thanks, I was scared the little gopher monsters were going to gnaw my foot off." She looked up and saw Ren trying to get as far away from her dog as she could. "Nakoma, come here! Leave the stupid girl alone!"

"Hey!" Ren cried, although she was relieved that Nakoma listened and was bounding towards his owner. "I'm not stupid!"

"My condolences."

His sneakers sinking into the loose sand, Chris walked to Ren, and without any words, gently pushed her. Ren clutched the chains tightly and let herself soar through the air. She loved the feel of Chris' hands on her back.

"My mom wants to meet you," Chris said quietly. 

"Me?"

"Aren't you Ren?"

"You've told your mom about me?"

"What is this, answer a question with a question day?" he laughed. "Of course I've told my mom about you."

"I told my mom about you last night too," she told him. "I'd love to meet her."

"You have to come over tonight though, okay?" He had to reach up to push her now; she was going too high. "My dad won't be home. Is that enough notice for you?"

"Yeah, I think so," she replied. "Thanks for inviting me, Chris."

"Sure."

"Guys, we gotta go," Elizabeth called. "Nakoma just crapped on the merry-go-round."

"Oh, that's very nice, Elizabeth," Chris said sarcastically. He watched as Ren dragged her feet through the sand to stop the swing. "I sense a pattern with that dog, what with it always ruining fun and all."

"Well, I'm _sorry,_ it's not like I asked him to do it," she shot back. 

For a moment by accident, Gordie clasped his hand around hers. They both giggled nervously and shoved their hands in their pockets, blushing. Chris and Ren looked at each other and smiled. He took her hand. 

Ren giggled and, to piss Elizabeth off, began to sing, "Gordie and Elizabeth sitting in a tree, f-u-c-k-i-n-g…"

And then to piss Gordie off, Chris said, "First comes Gordie--"

"Hey!" Gordie yelled and whirled around. "I do not ejaculate prematurely, that's a LIE!"

It was always nice to twist an innocent song around into a dirty, sacrilegious monstrosity. 

[AN: sorry for the shortness and not too much important happeningness of this chapter, guys, there will be more later, I've started writing the next chapter, which is more interesting, but it's not done. So please bare with me :)]


	25. Chris's Family and the Wrestling Match

****

[AN: This chapter's super long. I know that in the book, Chris' brothers are named Emory and Sheldon, and his sister is named Deborah, but I decided that I didn't much like those names, so I changed them. I also didn't use their actual ages. I made those up. Don't tell Stephen King.]

Ren was trying so hard not to feel bad for Chris having to live in a house like this. It could barely classify as a house to be honest, and it was falling apart. She knocked tentatively on the door and waited, reminding herself not to say or do anything stupid around his family. 

A small girl about ten or eleven with dark blond hair and a sunny smile opened the door for her. "Hi. Chris is in his room. He's changed his shirt like five times already. Come on in. Oh, and he's been brushing his teeth a lot too. So if he smells like a breath mint that's why. CHRIS! SHE'S _HERE_!"

Ren smiled at her, charmed. She slipped off her sandals, and ventured further into the house. 

A door just off from the living room opened, and Chris stepped out, appearing quite nicely groomed. Ren had to conceal a sudden idiotic giggle when she realized what a hottie her boyfriend was. "Hey, Ren."

"Why'd you wear that shirt?" his sister asked. "The third one you tried on was nicer."

"Olivia, remember that dollar I gave you not to talk?" he said pleasantly. "Don't make me take it back."

"Sorry," she said, and looked up at Ren. "It was nice to meet you. But I can't help myself from saying things that embarrass him, so I'm going to go outside now. Bye!" She ran through the kitchen and out the back door.

Chris rolled his eyes. "Sorry. She talks a lot."

"I think she's cute," Ren said, grinning. "I'll take her home if you don't want her."

"Nah, I like her when she's not embarrassing me." He sighed, as if he had just remembered something painful. "I also have two younger brothers. And an older one. You won't have to worry about Eyeball, he probably won't come home, but the younger ones are…interesting. One thinks he's a zebra and the other one is just weird."

"A zebra, eh?"

"Yeah." A smile warmed up his face and he rested one of his hands on her waist. "I'm glad you came."

"Me too, I think I'm going to enjoy your family," she said. 

It turned out that Ren was right about liking the Chambers family. His mother, who was a rail-thin woman with a frightened but genuine smile, made her feel welcome and appreciated. But she was kind of afraid that one of the boys, Levi, was going to bite her. Levi's twin, Eli, was quite calm, but Chris warned her to be prepared for one of his outbursts. 

"If you touch my zebra pellets one more time, I'm going to kill you," Levi said at one point to Olivia.

"They're not pellets, they're corn, and I wasn't touching them, and I'm cute and I refuse to die," Olivia shot back. 

"What stinks?" Levi asked, and then looked at Chris. "Are those your stupid brussel sprouts?"

Chris tightened his lips impatiently. "They're good. And they don't stink, you stink. You stink horribly actually, get away from me."

"If we wanted any lip from you, we'd tell you to kiss our butts," Eli told him. 

Ren snickered. 

Chris looked over at her. "Don't encourage them."

Levi peered down at his plate, and then up at Ren. "Holy crap! My food disappeared!"

Smiling at him, she asked, "How can this be?"

"It's okay, I'll just yell till my mom brings me more food." 

He opened his mouth to start shouting, but Mrs. Chambers jabbed her fork in his direction. "If you start screaming in front of our guest, I'll make you wear that sweater grandma knitted for you every day."

Levi's bright blue eyes widened. "You wouldn't."

"I definitely would."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't buy his story," Eli said. "Shoot him."

"Apology accepted. Have a bun."

Levi waggled his fingers in greedy excitement with a mad scientist look on his face. "Don't mind if I do!"

Mrs. Chambers took her napkin off her lap and set it down on the table, finished with eating. "So, Ren, what are your plans for after high school?"

"Does anyone want to know what I'm going to do when I'm grown up?" Levi asked. 

"No," Chris said automatically.

Grinning at Chris' and Levi's exchange, Ren looked back at their mother and replied, "I'm not really too sure. I'm taking a year off for sure to be with my mom…and then after that, I don't know."

"Chris has already applied at different universities," Mrs. Chambers said. 

"Really?" Ren gave Chris a questioning look. "I never knew that."

He shrugged. "Sorry."

"Like at where?"

"Nowhere special. Can I have some more potatoes, Mama?"

Olivia took a sip of her juice, and then her entire face twisted in revolt. She hacked for a second before she regained her composure. 

Chris was smiling curiously at her. "Hmm. And are you okay, Olivia?"

"Potent orange juice," she replied. 

"It's carrot juice," Mrs. Chambers told her. 

She squawked. "WELL! Now I have to get my innards cleansed! Thank you very much!"

"Don't talk about innards at the table," Chris told her. "Is it really that impossible to go through a meal without talking about body fluids or bodily goo or other things that should be kept inside of the body?" 

"I'm sorry," she said. "It's okay anyway. I think I'm going to barf, so there's no need to cleanse my innards."

Chris and his mother both massaged their temples, groaning quietly. 

"So…this is Chris' room," Ren said slowly as she followed him into his bedroom. She looked around appreciatively.

Chris was quite glad he had remembered to put away his underclothes before she'd come over. 

"Yes. This is my room. The clean half is my side."

"There's tape down the center of the floor," she noted. 

He shrugged. "Yeah, I'm not allowed over that line. Neither is Eyeball. It's how we keep from killing each other."

"Such intelligent young men you are," she said. 

"Well, not so much Eyeball. But yes, I'm very intelligent. And very charming." He grinned. "Sit. Get comfy."

She crossed the room and sat down on the bed, and then, when the bed sank as he sat down next to her, she mumbled, "Oog. Lard ass."

"Oh, it's muscle. I bet you don't have an inch of muscle."

"Wanna bet?" she demanded. "I could kick your ass. If I was mad enough, anyway."

"Oh look!" he squealed. "A flying pig! Make a wish!"

She laughed, "Oh, shut up. I'm serious, Chambers."

He poked her shoulder. 

"Don't provoke me because then I'll have to hurt you."

He poked her in the tummy.

"Hey! None of that!"

He continued to poke her and she attempted to swat his hand away. He put his hand over her face and held her back at arm's length.

"You're cheating!" she cried, but her voice was muffled. 

"How am I cheating when there aren't any rules?"

She lunged at him as he dove at her. The collision was quite brutal.

"Okay, okay, you're stronger!" she screamed. 

"I'm not done proving my point yet!" he giggled. "You will feel my entire wrath!"

"I don't want to feel _that_!" she squeaked. "Your mom is in the next room with your younger siblings!"

Chris laughed and pinned her arms down at her sides with his knees, tickling her. She laughed so hard she began to cry. She tried to scream out for him to stop but she was having difficulties. 

Olivia suddenly walked into the room. She screeched. "Holy Moses!"

Chris flew off of Ren. Ren shoved him off the bed and pushed her hair out of her face. "No, Olivia, this isn't what it looks like!" he protested.

"Of course not, you were just wrestling," she said sarcastically. 

"No, really, it started off that way!"

"Yeah, mm-hmm, I believe you," Olivia said. "You know, they did have a Sex Ed week at my school, so don't think I don't know what you were doing!"

"Couldn't you have knocked?"

"No!"

"Give me back my dollar!"

Olivia rolled her eyes and ran out of the room, yelling, "MOM!"

"Oh crap." Chris raced after his sister. 

"Hey, don't run away from me." Ren hurried after him. 

"Mom," Olivia called, entering the kitchen, where Mrs. Chambers was doing dishes, assisted by the twins. "Chris and Ren--"

Chris arrived in the kitchen three seconds behind her. He rammed into her, making her fly into the fridge. 

"Watch the fridge, you two!" Mrs. Chambers snapped. "I wasn't listening to her anyway."

"They were wrestling on his _bed_!"

"Oh, the whole 'wrestling' thing?" Mrs. Chambers asked.

"But that's all!" Chris insisted. 

Ren offered, "Actually, he was tickling me as well. That's why I was screaming."

"And that's all!" Chris insisted. 

"Right, Chris," his mom said. "Mm-hmm. I believe you."

"Mom!" he cried. "Livvy blows things out of proportion! We were just trying to see who was stronger!"

"There are other ways of finding that out," Mrs. Chambers told him. "Thumb-wrestling, for instance."

"What's going on?" a new voice said. Chris' older brother, Eyeball came into the house. 

"Your brother was trying to become a man," Mrs. Chambers filled him in. 

"In front of all you?"

"Mom!" Chris shouted. 

"If you woulda waited a few minutes, you coulda just used my car," Eyeball offered. 

"Oh my God," Chris muttered, covering his blush with his hands. "Olivia, I'm going to murder you so gruesomely, they're going to have to use DNA samples from your hairbrush to identify your body."

"It was innocent," Ren said. 

"Don't refer to your boyfriend as an 'it!'" Olivia scolded. 

"What's happening?" Levi asked. He and Eli had been having a bubble war and had missed the conversation. "Is Chris in trouble?"

Olivia whispered something discreetly in his ear.

"Oh!" he yelled. "Gross! They were doing it like pigeons?"

"Levi!" Chris snapped. 

"They're blushing," Olivia giggled. "Look at what I have created."

Eyeball messed up Chris' hair. "It's about damn time, Christopher."

"I'm running away from home," Chris announced. "Goodbye."

"Chris," Mrs. Chambers laughed. "Come on."

Eyeball nudged him. "Yeah, don't get your panties in a knot."

"We're going for a walk. I have to work off this blush."

"Is that all you have to work off?" Eyeball teased. "Might wanna do that in private."

"Shut up," Chris snapped. "I'm walking Ren home now."

"But I never got to meet her!" 

"You've been in the house for two minutes, you could have gotten acquainted with her, but you were too busy making fun of me," Chris said. "Good day."


	26. Sleepless

11:45 PM

At the dysfunctional Jacobs house, Zeke was telling Elizabeth ghost stories, which scared the shit out of her. So, Elizabeth slept on the floor in Chloe's room. 

"You're not making this into a habit, I hope you know that," she grumbled. 

"Of course not," Elizabeth replied sleepily. "After awhile _you're_ sleeping on the floor and _I _get the bed."

11:52

Ren was curled up in bed, reading. It was ten minutes before she realized she didn't remember a word she'd read. She had been thinking about Chris. There was something beautiful about him, and she knew she loved him. But somehow, she also knew that he didn't feel as much for her as she did for him. On the walk home, she had asked why he hadn't told her about his plans for college, but he had just blown her off and changed the subject. 

Didn't he want her to be a part of his future? Tears suddenly found her eyes as she wished that he would see deeper into her and want her for who she was. Maybe then he'd love her. Or maybe he'd be glad that he was leaving her behind. 

12:17 AM

"Get off my face."

Chloe spat, "Oh, yeah, real smart, putting your face right where my feet go." She scoffed. "My sister the genius."

"Where are you going?" Elizabeth asked. "Chloe, get off of me!"

"I'm going to the bathroom, or is that against your rules?"

"My rules are simple," Elizabeth snapped. 

"Right," she laughed. "No snoring, no talking in my sleep, no killing you while you're asleep, no PLOTTING to kill you while you're asleep…"

She added, "No stepping on me when you get up to use the bathroom. Actually, no, no potty breaks for you. Go back to sleep."

"That's it," she grumbled, stealing her pillow and blanket. "Go see if Leah will take you in. No room at the inn for Elizabeth. Out, out, out."

12:32

"I can't sleeeep," Gordie groaned. He was dead tired but sleep refused to come to him. Staggering out of bed, he moved downstairs to watch TV. 

The Monkees. _That's perfect, _he thought sarcastically. The Monkees would just entertain him, not put him to sleep. [AN: I don't think the Monkees TV show actually came out till like 1966 or '67, but I don't care, I like the Monkees]

12:44

Ryder stumbled into the kitchen to get some water. He turned on the light and jumped and shouted in surprise when he saw Ren sitting at the table, eating a muffin. 

"Ryder," she hissed. "Please keep the squealing down to a minimal."

"What do you have against light?" he demanded. "You just sit in the darkness, waiting for unsuspecting victims to come along, don't you?"

"Yes, Ryder," she said tolerantly.

"God, you're scary."

Ren looked at him sweetly. "Muffin?"

"No thank you and don't look at me like that."

Shrugging, Ren took a bite. "What are you doing down here? It's almost one."

Ryder froze. "Your eyes just got a red glow in them."

"That's right, Ryder. Hurry along before I eat you too."

Shaking his head, he forgot about his water and went upstairs. 

12:46

"Please? Chloe hates me."

From the other side of the door, Leah called, "Oh, yeah. Like I really want her leftovers."

"I'm your sister!"

"You annoy me too," she said. "Wow, you've got so much going for you."

"Where else am I going to sleep? The couch downstairs squeaks."

"See if Dad loves you," she suggested. "But don't be too disappointed. 

12:54

Davy Jones, the little short guy from the Monkees, popped out of a bag of grain into the arms of a beautiful yet stupid hillbilly. [AN: I have that episode on TAPE hehehe) Gordie did a tired little dance, singing, "Davy's great, I can't sleep." He groaned and pounded his head on the coffee table to get the blood going. He turned off the TV and sauntered back to his room. 

12:55

Mr. Jacobs answered the door, looking highly scary. "What?"

"No one will let me sleep with them."

Sighing, Mr. Jacobs told Elizabeth, "Honey, it's late. It's not the time for a human sexuality course."

"Father," she whined. "I mean, your son is a jerk and I'm scared of the dark and your daughters are evil and I have nowhere to sleep."

"Thank God, I was thinking, 'what, is my daughter a troll or something?'" He ran a hand through his short hair. "I'd say you could sleep in here, but I have company. You know Mrs. Peters, the librarian?"

"SICK!" she screamed, running away.

1:02

Gordie was so bored he did homework. How that he was through with that, he was even more bored, yet still wired. He bounced on his bed for a while, hoping that this would tire him out. 

1:36

Chris lay awake, listening to Eyeball snore and his dad come home, ranting drunkenly and incoherently about something. Glass shattered. His mother cried out for a moment, but her voice was cut off. 

__

Just tell him to leave, he wanted to yell at her. _Tell him to get the hell out of your house._

But he knew she would never make it on her own. She needed a husband to make her feel of any importance. But when her husband wasn't around…that was the only time she was beautiful. And it disgusted Chris. 

1:43

Zeke woke up from an excellent dream. He checked the clock. Knowing Elizabeth was due for a pee break sometime soon, he sat up in bed and waited. Hearing the floorboards of the old house moan, he sprang out of bed and watched the hallway from the crack in his door.

Dressed in God forbidden pajamas and rubbing groggily at her eyes, Elizabeth slowly passed by. 

Zeke's timing was perfect. He pounced on her with flawless accuracy. Elizabeth's scream was blood curdling. She did a strange dance, hopping around in circles and waving her arms around. 

"You son of a bitch!" she screeched, not caring who heard. Her father was romping on the town librarian, so he wouldn't be in any position to punish her for screaming obscenities. 

Zeke was laughing hysterically. "Ooh, look at me, I'm Elizabeth and I hop around in circles like a peacock!"

Elizabeth lunged at him, her hands clasping around his throat. "First you tell me about the dead old woman who watches me sleep every night sucking the life from me with every breath I TAKE even though you KNOW I'm already scared of the dark, and then no one will let me sleep in their room so I've been wandering the halls and then you scare the bejeebus out of me and MOCK ME!"

"Sorry, you're just fun to scare because you get all pasty."

She roared at him. "I hate you! Remove yourself from my sight!"

"So your room is available?" he asked. "Great. I'm sleeping in there. My room smells like dead cheese."

2:01

Tossing a Hackey Sack up in the air and catching it, Gordie began to sing, 99 bottles of Flinstone Vitamins on the wall. He'd finished with 99 bottles of beer because he could never get passed 44 bottles on the wall without feeling intoxicated.

"Gordie!" his father yelled. "Would you knock it off, please?"

Gordie grumbled. Then he began to sing softly, "99 bottles of my foot up your ass…"

"GORDON!"

"SORRY!" He rolled his eyes. Lying quietly for a while, he swung his legs off his bed and shoved his feet into a pair of shoes, preparing to sneak out to go see Elizabeth.

2:11

Eli gently tapped on Chris and Eyeball's door. "Chris? You asleep?"

"Just about." He opened his eyes. "What do you want?"

"Mom's crying. And I'm scared of Dad when he's like this."

Chris groaned into his pillow. Eli was the quietest one of the family, and he felt things on a different, deeper level than the rest of them. He got scared and hurt easily but tried not to show it because he didn't want to look like a baby. Chris had always felt protective of him…he didn't want anyone to hurt his brother. He sighed and drew back his covers. "Come on. They'll stop fighting eventually."

A look of gratitude washed over his face. He let Chris put the blanket over him.

"You stay on that side of the bed. And don't attempt to steal my blankets."

"Your feet are cold," Eli told him.

"Don't touch me."

2:13

Ren was back in bed, but still unable to fall asleep. She felt too lonely to sleep, because she knew no one really cared if she woke up. 

2:20

Eli was already asleep, and Chris watched him as he slept, his small hands pressed under his round cheek. Gentle light from the moon streamed in through the curtains and caressed his tiny face. 

Chris wouldn't be able to sleep for awhile. He had been thinking about Ren. He had hurt her feelings that evening on the walk home, although she didn't say anything. But when he refused to talk about his college plans, she had looked down at the ground looking wounded. She thought that he didn't want her in his future. And that wasn't true. He cared about her; he thought she was beautiful and like no one else he'd ever imagined. And he didn't want her to get hurt. He supposed he did love her.

Which is why she couldn't be with him for much longer.

2:21

"AHHHHHH!!!!"

"AUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHH!!!"

"SHHHH!!!"

"HAIL MARY!!!!"

Gordie tried to run for the window but tripped over something. He had not expected to find Zeke sleeping in Elizabeth's bed. 

And Zeke had not been expecting to wake up and see Gordie sitting next to him on his sister's bed 

"What are you doing in here?" they demanded at the same time. 

"What am _I _doing in here? What are YOU doing in here?" they demanded in unison again. 

"My room smells like cheese! And Lizzy's too scared to sleep so she's wandering the halls!" Zeke cried. "Why did you sneak into my baby sister's room in the middle of the night, you sick demented pervert?!"

"I couldn't sleep and I just wanted to see her!"

Zeke gasped. "You have deflowered my innocent little sister! You sick, sick man!"

"I have not!"

Zeke clamped his hands over his ears and shouted, "I don't want to hear it! LALALALAALALALALALALA I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"

"Zeke!" Gordie hissed. "Shut up! Shhhh! You're going to wake up the neighbourhood! I haven't done anything to your sister!"

"Sure! You're just lurking around her bedroom because you're the TOOTH FAIRY!!!"

The door swung open, and Elizabeth appeared in the doorway, bathed in the hall light. "Oh damn. I thought maybe the dead old woman got you, Zeke. Who's that in bed with you? Gordie?"

  
Morning eventually came. But no one was very bright-eyed and/or bushy tailed.


	27. Born Free

"Unh," Ren mumbled, when asked what she wanted to do that day.

She, Chris, Gordie, and Elizabeth were seated around a booth in the coffee shop that Zeke worked at. All of their eyes were rimmed with red and dragged down with dark circles. They weren't moving too quickly. 

"We could play pool," Gordie suggested.

"I hate pool," Elizabeth grumbled. "We should just sleep."

Zeke came up to their table and sat next to his sister. Apparently he was on his break. "Hello. I'm going to shoot myself."

"You don't say," Elizabeth muttered, her head down on the table. 

"Yes. This chick that just started working here, her name's Suzy, has totally been all flirty with me, and then so I go to ask her out and she's like 'No, you're the scum of the earth.'" He sighed dramatically. "I'm not SCUM." When all he got for a reply were blank, bleary stares, he decided to change the subject. "So, Lizzy, what did you and Gordie do after I kindly left you alone to do as you wished in your bedroom at two in the morning?"

Slowly, Elizabeth moved her head to stare at him. "I _hate_ you."

"Why?"

Ren asked pleasantly, "Why was Gordie in your bedroom at two in the morning?"

"Ten bucks says they were having sex," Zeke said. 

Elizabeth squawked. "Zeke! Shut up!"

Chris' eyebrows raised in concern. "I didn't think you were allowed to_ date_, let alone do it with _Gordie._"

"Stop talking!" she cried. 

"Okay, see, get this," Zeke began, shifting into story-mode. "I'm sleeping in Elizabeth's bed--not because my family is incestuous of course, but because I think I have cheese molding under my bed and it smells bad--and all of a sudden, I wake up, and here's Lachance sitting next to me on the bed, looking at me. Then he screamed, and then I did, and then we yelled for awhile, and my question was, exactly how often does he do that? I mean, sneaking in through my sister's window to come and sit on her bed and watch her sleep? That's the question."

"May I kill you?" Elizabeth asked. 

"Look, I couldn't sleep!" Gordie exclaimed, blushing under the impressed stares from Ren and Chris. "I couldn't sleep and I was bored, so I decided to go bug Ellie. I didn't expect her brother to be in her room!"

"But soft, what light from yonder window breaks?" Ren giggled. "Blah blah blah, it's Gordie…um…Shakespeare terms…come to alight fair Elizabethan's…bed…with his…dagger!"

"You're such a freak," Chris laughed. 

"Um, Chris?" Gordie said, looking at him sheepishly. 

"Yeah?"

"I gotta tell you something that I should have told you a long time ago."

"You and Elizabeth are going out."

"Oh." Gordie smirked. "You know. Okay then."

"You knew?" Elizabeth cried. 

Grinning, Ren patted her hand. "Elizabeth…it couldn't have been more clear than if you had written it in neon letters eight feet tall."

"How?"

"We figured it out," Ren said, shrugging.

Gordie yelled, "I TOLD YOU SHE WAS A SPY!"

Chris laughed. "Gordie, give it a rest. You two were so clingy and googly-eyed, it was pretty hard not to notice."

Suddenly, Zeke gasped. "Hold up, go back a few sentences. Elizabeth's going out with Lachance?"

"Oy," Chris muttered, burying his head in his hands. 

Zeke just laughed. "Hahaha, wait until Dad finds out. Wait a minute, did you turn sixteen already?"

"Zeke, you will not tell him," Elizabeth snapped.

"Why not? I think that it would be funny and I'd laugh."

"I'll help you get with that Suzy girl."

"You? How?" he scoffed. "The best _you_ could do is _Gordie."_

"Hey!" Gordie and Elizabeth both cried. 

"Do you want my help or not?" Elizabeth demanded.

"It couldn't hurt."

"You gotta swear you won't tell Dad first."

"Fine, I swear to God I won't tell."

"Recite this poem to her." She cleared her throat theatrically. "'Who else could make my heart get all gooey, but you, my true love Suzy.'"

Ren, Chris, and Gordie all clapped. "This from a girl who's failing English," Chris said, impressed.

They decided to go to a movie. There was a Bridget Bardot flick playing, but Elizabeth wouldn't be able to get in, so they went to Born Free. 

"Look what I can do," Gordie taunted, holding Elizabeth's hand tightly. "Ha."

"That's great, Gordie," Chris laughed. 

Ren, who was sitting between Chris and Elizabeth, turned to her and whispered, "Why didn't you tell us?"

"Shh," Gordie hissed. "There's a lion."

"What?"

"The movie's on!"

"Sorry!" She looked back at Elizabeth, smiling. "So? Why didn't you tell us?"

She shrugged, taking a drink of her coke. "Even though we weren't going out per se, Gordie and I have always kinda had to hide what we felt for each other, right? We've always been just friends, but at the same time, we were always more. So then it officially changed, and we're not used to letting people in on it. So we didn't say anything."

Ren just grinned. "You're so cute together."

Elizabeth giggled idiotically, unable to stop for a good sixty seconds. "Yes we are." She laughed delightedly for awhile longer. "Anyway, um, how serious are you and Chris?"

Sighing, Ren stole a glance at him. He was engulfed in the movie, every once in awhile grinning at the lion on the screen. Noticing her looking at him, he did a double take and then stared at her in confusion. "Do you want a sip of my drink?" he asked.

She smiled, shook her head, and closed her hand over his. "No thanks." Leaning over to talk to Elizabeth again, she whispered, "I really love him."

Elizabeth cackled elatedly. "Holy overload on cuteness, Batman!"

"Ellie," Gordie whispered. "You're missing the movie."

"Sorry!" She grinned at Ren. "Did you tell him?"

"That I love him? Are you crazy?"

"Not really!" she cried defensively.

"Listen," she said, barely audible. "Chris _likes_ me, but he doesn't love me. I'm his girlfriend, and that's all. I have a feeling that he's going to break up with me before too long."

"Are you CRAZY?" she yelled. 

"Elizabeth!" Gordie snapped. 

"Why would he break up with you?" she demanded, back to being quite again. 

"I don't know," she sighed. "I just know that he doesn't care about me as much as I care about him."

"That's bullshit!"

"No, it's really not."

"Bullshit!"

Chris glared over at Elizabeth. "Elizabeth, I'm going to have to ask you to leave if you don't shut the hell up."

"_Sorry_, you stupid insensitive stupid…head."

"Stop, you're breaking my heart." Lacing his fingers through Ren's, he whispered in her ear, "What are you two talking about that's so important? Elizabeth seems pissed off."

Ren caught herself just looking at him again, unable to look away. He was so differently strong and resplendent, and she knew she'd found the person she would always love, if only just the memory. Anyone else she would date, she would always compare with this boy, and she knew that no one would ever be as good as him. Just looking at him made her feel like crying. "Nothing, Chris," she murmured.


	28. Elizabeth's Birthday: Part One

(I had some issues with my damn computer, so if this chapter's format is all wonky, I'm sorry. Oh, and I'm also sorry but I won't be updating as much because I'm writing another story that I'm kinda getting into. But, I'm still writing this one no matter what, and there's still lots more to it)

Some weeks later

"Guess what day it is," Elizabeth sang as she let Ren inside her house. 

"I can't imagine," she replied.

Gordie called from the living room, where he was sitting at a couch, looking proper. "Ren, just humour her."

"Hmm, is it my birthday?" Ren guessed.

"Why would I invite you over for YOUR birthday?" she scoffed. 

"Well then, it must be YOUR birthday."

Elizabeth giggled and did a dance. "You are correct! Gordie, show her what she's won while I go find some food!"

Gordie muttered, "You have won a seat on the couch. Congratulations."

"Oh boy," Ren laughed, and sat down next to him. "Hello Gordie. Come here often?"

"If you do not cut out the semen emission jokes, I might have to get mad at you, Ren," he growled.

"Okay, I'll remind myself in further encounters not to say the word 'come' around Gordie." She grinned. "So Gordie, fornicate here often?"

Gordie smacked her with a magazine. She shrieked and hit him with a pillow. 

"Stop flirting, you're both taken!" Elizabeth shouted from the kitchen.

Gordie sunk down in his seat and grumbled, "I wish Chris would get here."

"So do I. He's more fun to bug than you are. He doesn't hit or go all pre-menstrual syndrome on me."

"That's because _his_ premature ejaculations aren't _funny_ to you because it affects you directly."

The doorbell rang. Gordie and Ren sprang off the couch to answer. 

"Chris!" Ren breathed, happy to see him.

"My best friend!" Gordie cried. "Your girlfriend is a horrible human being!"

"I am not!" she snapped. "Gordie was the one saying how you…get a little too eager-beaver!"

"I don't want to know," Chris said, smiling oddly at them. "Sounds like a disgusting conversation anyway. I'm here to celebrate Elizabeth's SPECIAL day. Where the fuck is she? She throws a party and doesn't even come to the door?"

"I'm in here! I'm eating!" Elizabeth called. 

"Without us?" he called back. "That doesn't surprise me."

Later on, they were up in her room, listening to music. 

"So, how does it feel to be sweet sixteen?" Ren asked her, eating a cracker from the plate of food Elizabeth had put together. 

"Technically, I'm not sixteen as of yet," Elizabeth said sadly. "I was born at 3:34 in the afternoon, so ask me in two more minutes, as it is currently 3:32."

"You're little," Chris laughed. "I'll be nineteen in three months and you're still not even sixteen yet."

"At least I'm not an old fart," she said defensively. "I still have my youthful beauty."

"Beauty?" Chris asked, confused.

"Okay, the most important question is, are we having cake?" Ren asked. 

"Right now?" Chris glanced at her. "We've only been here for like a half hour."

"Of course right now, it's her birthday isn't it?"

"Not officially," he replied. 

"Well, I'm hungry right now."

"There's crackers."

"Crackers." She frowned. "Schmuh."

"Schmuh?"

"Yes, schmuh," she confirmed. "So, are we having cake?"

"At 3:30 in the afternoon?"

"3:_33,_" Elizabeth corrected, checking her watch. "Ooh, one more minute!" 

"I love cake," Gordie said out of nowhere. 

"Oh, so do _I," _Ren agreed. "I hope I don't have to wait much longer."

"We're having supper first," Elizabeth told them. 

"What are we having?"

"I don't know. I think like, um, spaghetti or something."

"I like spaghetti," Ren said appreciatively. "Can't go wrong with spaghetti."

"Have you ever eaten spaghetti and put cheese whiz and tomato soup in it?" Gordie asked no one in particular. "Mm, mm, _good_."

Elizabeth arched an eyebrow at him. "That's just weird, Gordie."

"Whatever, Miss Dips-Her-Pickles-In-Peanut-Butter."

"Ewww!" Ren and Chris cried. 

"Hey, have you tried it?" Elizabeth demanded. "Obviously not since you think it's gross, because it's really good!" She looked at her watch again. "Okay, okay, shut up everyone, it's time for the birthday count down!"

"Mimimimimimimimimimi," Gordie squawked to annoy her, using his hands as puppets to imitate her. 

"Shut up!" she cried. "Ten, nine, eight, seven--"

"Little monkeys," Ren sang. 

Chris snapped his head to look at her oddly. "What?"

"Seven little monkeys, sitting on a post," she continued. 

"Shhh!" Elizabeth pleaded. "Four, three--"

Gordie pounced on her. She screamed in surprise. 

"Don't do it--" Chris began to protest. 

But Gordie ignored him, kissing Elizabeth poetically despite the howls of disgust from Ren and Chris. 

When he broke away, Elizabeth blinked several times, and sputtered, "Happy birthday to ME!"

"Hahaha, see guys, that was LEGAL, because she's sixteen now," Gordie giggled. 

"Well, it _shouldn't _be legal, considering how sick you make me," Chris said, thoroughly grossed out. 


	29. Elizabeth's Birthday: Part Two

Mr. Jacobs said, "Ella, you've got spaghetti sauce all over your face."

"I know," she replied simply. 

"Saving it for later?"

"No," she said, looking at him like he was crazy. "If I wipe it off now, I'll just have more to wipe off later, so it saves me work to wait until I'm done making a mess. I eat like a dinosaur, you know."

"She's right," Leah agreed, who was eating conservatively, staying away from the spaghetti. Because, as everyone knew, Leah ate noodly things like a werewolf. And Elizabeth had warned her entire family that she would run away forever if they embarrassed her. It was bad enough that they were making her eat supper with them.

Gordie glanced over at Elizabeth's empty glass. "Do you want more juice?"

"No thanks, I don't want to have to pee all day."

Zeke said, "So guys, it must be nice to not have to be all secretive now, huh?"

Elizabeth and Gordie both paled. Shaking his head, Chris muttered, "Oh my God, Zeke."

Ren clapped. "And the award for 'Most Likely To Be Murdered By His Sister' goes to…"

"Me?" Zeke guess innocently. 

"Yes, Zeke," Chris said patiently.

"What do you mean 'secretive?'" Mr. Jacob's demanded, and glared angrily at Elizabeth. "Have you been sneaking around behind my back?"

Elizabeth was many unpromising things, but she wasn't a liar. She lowered her eyes to her half eaten supper. "Not 'sneaking,' Dad. But yeah, I've been seeing him without your permission."

"You couldn't have waited until your birthday?" he asked. "I can't stand how sex-crazed today's youth is, and I was trying to protect you from it. But I never though that my own daughter was no different than all the other goddamn hussies out there."

"Dad!" Elizabeth cried, a whine in her voice. "Couldn't you like, wait to call me names until after my friends have gone home?"

Gordie said, "Sir, you have a special daughter and everyone knows I love her. I wouldn't hurt her or do anything degrading to her. You can trust us."

"Obviously I can't trust either of you considering you can't even contain yourselves enough to wait a few months,' he snapped.

"A few months?" Elizabeth demanded. "Try a few years. And I can just tell by the look on your eyes that you're still not going to let us go out. Did you ever think that by making us wait so long that maybe we'd just do something stupid to spite you? I mean, I wouldn't do anything…uh…compromising because I love you, Dad, and I respect you…and myself…but you're going about this all wrong."

Chris nudged Ren. "Elizabeth just delivered a speech."

"I know," Ren whispered back. "I was listening."

"Did you ever think about how Mom would have handled this?"

Mr. Jacobs flinched. "Don't bring her up, Elizabeth."

"Why not?" she flared. "Do you finally feel guilty for breaking up our family? Do you finally realize that maybe I wouldn't be such a screw up to you if you hadn't chased off my mother?"

"Oh dear," Ren murmured. She didn't know anything about Elizabeth's family history, but it didn't sound like a civilized topic for dinner.

Chris nodded. "I feel uncomfortable."

"I didn't chase her off," he growled. "She left. She left _us._"

"You would screw anything in a skirt!" she shrilled. "You didn't care if she knew or if she got hurt until she finally left you with four kids to raise!"

"Elizabeth," Gordie said, putting a hand on her knee. "Don't do this now."

"Sorry," she muttered, his calming voice and touch settling her down. It wasn't often that Elizabeth lost her temper, but the subject of her mother--whom she hadn't seen for six years--kinda struck a nerve in her. And if her father tried to take Gordie away from her, she'd be pretty pissed.

Mr. Jacobs' face was gentle now. "I know your mom would have done a better job at raising you, but I'm still your father, and I'm the one that is going to take care of you and not let you get hurt."

"I know, Dad," she said softly. "But Gordie takes care of me too." 


	30. Park Bench

****

There were crickets chirping. Chris and Ren stopped to sit on a park bench on their walk back from Elizabeth's. 

Drawing Ren closer to him, Chris said, "Well at least Elizabeth won't have to pretend with her Dad anymore about Gordo."

Ren nodded mutely. 

"They really care about each other. It's gross."

She nodded again. 

"What's wrong, Ren?" He looked at her, worried and hurt at her loud silence. 

Thinking about how much Elizabeth and Gordie loved and supported each other made Ren feel even lonelier than she ever had been before. And seeing him now under the stars brought betraying tears to her eyes. He was so…everything beautiful to her, and she knew he would never ask her to be a part of it. "You can stop pretending, please," she whispered. 

"Pretending what?" he asked, honestly baffled. 

"That you care."

"What?" When she wouldn't look at him, he held her closer. "What do you mean? Care about what?"

"Me, Chris," she said quietly. 

"Ren," he said desperately. "I care! I _love_ you."

"You do not, but it's okay…" She wiped tears away. "That way when you leave, you'll get over it more easily than I will."

"That's bullshit," he told her, suddenly sounding appalled. "You can take my breath away and you can't even feel how in love with you I am?"

"I just don't get it. I never have. I love you so much I don't know how I'm ever going to stop needing you." She shook her head. "But when you're with me, I feel like you want to be somewhere else. And you wish I was someone else." She sniffled, her voice catching on her tears. "Anyone else."

"What the hell did I do to make you feel that way?" he demanded. "That's just stupid."

"I know what I feel, Chris!" I know that I can't stop loving you but I can't stop feeling empty because you don't give anything back!"

"I'm sorry, Ren, but what the fuck do you expect me to do?" He took his arm from around her shoulders, not touching her anymore. "I'm sorry that I don't buy you flowers or put a red carpet down wherever you walk. I don't know what you think love is, but I sure as hell feel it for you, and accusing me of not giving anything back to you just hurts. How are _you_ so sure that you love _me?_"

"Do you now what I gave up to be with you? I gave up my life as I knew it for you and I never looked back!"

He stared incredulously at her. "You think that you're a social martyr for being with me? Well thank you, Ren, I didn't know I was such a burden."

"Chris, that's not what I _meant_," she sighed. 

"I always knew you'd get hurt by being with me. But I never thought I would be the one to do it." He sighed miserably. "And I never thought we'd last, but then after awhile, after I started to love you, I just prayed that we'd make it. Because I didn't want to imagine myself without you."

"But we can't make it," she murmured. 

"I know that now. So we're over?"

She said nothing…she just wanted to die.

"Okay. It's okay…" He got up, tilted her chin up and kissed her forehead, lingering for a moment. He said, "Just believe me, I love you. I'll see you around. And stop crying, it'll be fine."

Ren watched as he walked away. It would not be fine. And if she did stop crying, it would be too soon. 

****

Author's Note: Ahhh yes, this chapter is the product of my piece of shit day. I DON'T GET TO GO TO DISNEYLAND and so I'm pissed off, so lucky you, you get an angsty chapter. Sorry. :(


	31. Prowess

Now that summer was close on spring's heels, the sun was growing warmer, and Chris felt the heat on his back as he walked over to Gordie's house the next day. When he got there, he discovered that Gordie and Elizabeth were playing basketball in his driveway. 

"Hey Chris," Gordie called, as always genuinely pleased to see him. 

"Hey." He crossed the driveway and Gordie bounced the ball to him. Absentmindedly passing the ball from hand to hand as he stood there, feeling like he shouldn't be there, he said, "So uh, how's life?"

"Crappy," Elizabeth said. "Gordie gouged me with his stupid girly fingernails. I _was_ bleeding unstoppably but then I stopped. And he cheats! Every time I get the ball, which isn't very often, he holds me back by the loopholes in my jeans or he tickles me, and I am strongly reconsidering what his actual allure is because right now I dislike him."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Chris said. 

"Something wrong, man?" Gordie asked. His intuition towards Chris' feelings had always been flawless. 

"Uhh…" He carelessly tossed the ball up to the net. It bounced off the backboard and missed the basket. "Me and Ren broke up last night."

Elizabeth's mouth gaped open. Gordie just looked confused. He asked, "Why?"

Retrieving the ball from a flowerbed, Chris replied, "She didn't think I cared about her. Which really isn't true." 

"Harsh," Gordie muttered.

"Yeah, she cried. But I didn't know what to say to her because every time I tried to tell her she was wrong about what she thought she wouldn't believe me." He glanced over at Elizabeth. "You trying to catch flies?"

She shut her mouth. "I am both shocked and disgusted."

"Yeah?" He sat down next to her on the newly mowed grass. "I'm not too cheerful myself."

"You're both retarded."

"_I_ am not retarded," Chris said adamantly. "Even though I don't try to buy her off like she's used to, she should know how I feel about her."

"Chris, it's not about money for her," Elizabeth said. "You know she doesn't understand what it's like to be loved."

Chris noticed that his shoelace was untied. So he tied it, taking his time, thinking about how to say what he was thinking in a way that wasn't mean. "Don't take this the wrong way. I love her, but she's a self-centered, spoiled girl who has a case of 'poor-little-me's.' When something good came along that made her happy for once, she had to sabotage it."

"Because she doesn't think she deserves to be happy!"

"When you're as miserable as Ren is, you're used to being miserable, and it's hard to get out of it," he told her. "Gordie, stop listening because I think I might get mushy." Gordie smirked at him and shrugged indifferently. "I fell in love with Ren because she showed me the side of her that wasn't miserable, and I'm not sure if you've ever seen that side of her, but it's amazing how beautiful it is. And I was under the illusion that I might even be able to save her, because with the way she was going, her unhappiness was going to kill her. But after awhile, I fell in love with the lonely parts of her too. I mean, I love her completely--everything about her--and to say that she doesn't think I even care about her is just ignorant."

"Maybe she was looking for some reassurance," Gordie suggested. "Did you ever tell her you loved her? She might have just wanted to hear you say the words."

"I don't think that was it," Chris said. "Love could bite her on the ass and she wouldn't know it."

"Hmm…two guys discussing love." Elizabeth shivered. "This seems strange."

"What do you think?" Gordie asked her. "You like to babble."

"I do not babble, I speculate," she grumbled. "Okay, to summarize the situation: Ren has always been sad and lonely, and she claims that her family doesn't give a shit about her. And obviously her old friends didn't give a shit about her either. So it's probably safe to assume that she hasn't got the slightest clue about how to accept love. And then, ta-fucking-da, Chris comes into the picture, yaaaay Chris--" Elizabeth took a break from her summarization so that she could clap for Chris. "And he treats her like the last piece of toilet paper--"

"Okay, what?" Gordie demanded. "Toilet paper?"

"Must I explain everything to you?" she sighed. "The last piece of toilet paper. You love it, you treasure it, you would kill for it, and you would never let anyone else have it."

"Those were some awfully loving words you chose to describe toilet paper," Chris pointed out. "Continue."

"Thank you. All right, as I was saying, Chris treats Ren like how she isn't used to being treated. She falls in love with him, he falls in love with her, and it's all hugs and sunshine until SHE FUCKS IT UP."

"Hahahahaha thank you, thank you," Chris said. "I am not at fault this time."

"Yeah, but guess who never told her that he loved her?" Elizabeth snapped. "Guess who never gave her any reassurance that he loved her, just left her to assume that either he did or he didn't? That would be _you_, Christopher."

"I've never had a girlfriend, alright?" Chris became defensive. "I'm not experienced in the whole 'oh baby oh baby I love you' thing. So sue me, the first girl I ever dated coincidentally happens to be the first girl I ever loved and I didn't know what to do. I was trying to condense a thousand feelings into one touch, and I just hoped that she'd get the message."

She sighed. "Why can't you say stuff like _that_ to her? _Any _girl would be yours forever if you were to be all sweet like that."

"Except you," Gordie told her.

"Yeah, sure." she replied. "Except me. Whatever."

"Well I'm sorry, I'm not good at being smooth under pressure!" Chris cried. "I say stupid stuff like 'nice shoes' and 'your eyes look like chipmunk fur.'"

"Chipmunk fur?"

"Yeah. But I said that to a girl when we were six, not Ren, thank God," he laughed.

"Do you want her back?" 

He didn't hesitate. "Of course I do. I'd have to be a complete moron to pass up a chance with her." The confident tone in his voice faltered. "But she's gotta grow up first."

"Ohhhhh you ruined it, you ruined it!" Elizabeth cried, flopping backwards onto the grass. "You were so Casanova and then you ruined it!"

"What? It's true!" he protested. "She has to grow up and see that the world doesn't revolve around her, and that not everybody's out to get her."

"Okay, how about you say all that nice stuff to her and magically neglect to say the 'grow up' part?" She smiled up at him from the ground when he looked back at her. "It would work! Oh, and tell her that you have incomprehensible sexual prowess because every girl likes that. Unless she's a nun of course."

"Or a Catholic sixteen-year-old named Elizabeth," Gordie added.

"Hey, that's me you're describing!" she snapped.

"Exactly! I have incomprehensible sexual prowess, yet you seem to be able to deflect all my efforts!" Gordie dropped to his knees and tickled her. Over her squeals of laughter, he told Chris, "Or, you could forget everything Ellie just said and wait for Ren to crawl back to you, begging for forgiveness."

Chris laughed. He didn't know what he was going to do, but it probably wouldn't involve any sexual prowess, unless the situation was drastic. 


	32. Issues

A week before graduation, Ren walked into math class and took her regular seat. 

Noticing the lack of acknowledgement between her and Chris, Caroline turned around in her seat to face Ren. "Trouble in paradise?"

Ren's glare was silently poisonous. "Leave me alone."

"Aww, don't tell me he doesn't love you anymore."

Pretending to do last night's homework, Chris listened to the girls' conversation. He would like to see if Ren would return to her old friends. 

"We broke up," Ren muttered. "Happy?"

"Oh, no! I am deeply saddened."

"Why do you have to be such a bitch?"

"Because of the perks," she replied cheerfully.

"You call those perky?"

Sneering at her, Caroline said, "Aren't you just the firecracker." She smiled suddenly. "So you're going to eat lunch with me and everyone else?"

"You've got to be kidding me."

"Well now that you're not obligated to eat with _him_ anymore, why wouldn't you eat with me?" The look on her face was pointedly tender. "You're still my very best friend."

Opening her books to show her disinterest in the conversation, Ren muttered, "I'm sorry to hear that."

"What do you mean by that?" she demanded. 

"What I mean is, it's going to be a very one-sided friendship because I quite honestly despise you very much, and I wouldn't be disheartened if, in the near future, you are taking a bath and a magical wind blows something electrical into the water and you die. In fact, I hope that happens. So no, I will not be joining you at lunch today."

"You'd rather be alone?" she asked doubtfully. 

"I was always alone when I was with you anyway."

"Were there any questions from last night's homework?" the teacher, Mr. Benfield asked, ready to start the day's lesson.

Caroline glared over at Ren and snapped quietly but heatedly, "Slut."

"What was that, Miss Jennings?" Mr. Benfield demanded. "I hope you didn't just call me a slut."

"No, of course not, I only reserve such a term for special people like Ren here."

"Is there a problem, girls?"

"No," Ren muttered.

"And she's a liar too! Gee, what a winner you are, Ren. I'm starting to see what Chambers saw in you, considering how much you two have in common."

"Fuck you," Ren barked without thinking. 

"I'm going to have to ask you to leave the room, Miss Rasmussen," Mr. Benfield said. 

Quickly gathering her books, she said, "Gladly, thank you."

Sliding into a chair at the farthest table possible in the cafeteria, Ren emptied the contents of her lunch on the table but discovered she didn't have an appetite. 

She didn't know why she had let her life get so fucked. Chris was indifferent towards her, and she had no friends to talk to or cry with or anything. She didn't even have Elizabeth because she was with Gordie and Chris. 

She'd actually broken her own heart. There was nothing else in the world she wanted more than to have it all end. 

The being alone was too much for her to endure now. She'd had people that wanted to be around her for a short time, and now that she had single-handedly ruined her relationships with Elizabeth, Gordie and especially Chris, the loneliness was worse because now she had something real to miss and wish for. 

For once, though, she told herself to think of something in her life that was good. She was so used to focusing on her self-pity that she never stopped to think of what she had that was worthwhile. Tears filled her eyes as moments passed and she could think of nothing. 

"Hey, this table looks nice. Mind if I join you?"

Looking up, Ren quickly swiped a hand over her face to wipe away a tear. She smiled upon seeing her brother. "Sit, Ryder."

"You're quite the talk of the lunchroom," he marveled, his mouth full of peanut butter and jelly sandwich. 

"I can imagine," she muttered flatly. 

"Yeah, I violently wanted to beat the snot out of Caroline for the stuff she was saying. No one but me gets to call my sister a--"

"Ryder," she laughed. "I SAID I can IMAGINE, you don't have to repeat it back to me. What are you, a parrot?"

"I do like bright colours," he said contemplatively. "If I had to be a bird, I think I would like to be a parrot. Because then I could be flamboyant and nice looking and still swear at people. They also have big beaks so I could bite them too."

Giggling, she said, "I don't see how we're related."

"I heard about Chris," he said suddenly. "And I just wanted to ask--"

She interrupted, "I'm not gonna tell anyone you're gay just because you don't have blackmail on me anymore."

"No. I was gonna ask if you were okay."

Ren looked softly at her twin and wondered how someone as sweet as him could find it inside himself to be such a jerk to people. Ryder had a sensitive conscience and it was weird to think that he could be who he was and still have the ability to be a prick. 

"I'm fine, Ryder." She smiled without happiness. "Thanks."

"You should still be friends with him," he told her. "He makes you happy and you're cool when you're happy."

Taking a drink from his milk, she said, "And you should be yourself more often because you're pretty fuckin great when it's just you."

He sighed, a smile on his face. Letting her lay her head down on his shoulder, he said, "I'm glad you're my seester."

"Seester? Are you Mexican now?"

"Yes, a Mexican parrot."

"I'm glad you're here right now, Ryder," she told him, on the verge of tears again. "I need someone."

"You're not okay, are you?" he asked knowingly. 

She didn't even have the energy to shake her head. But by her silence, Ryder knew hat his sister was not okay.

"You're not thinking of doing anything stupid, right, Ren?" Concern masked the fear in his voice. 

"I don't know."

"You'd kill me if you hurt yourself."

"I won't." She turned her face into his arm as tears began to flow in torrents. "I promise."

"Good, because I kinda love you and I'd be pissed at you if you decided to stop being around."

Sniffling, she murmured, "Don't tell anyone about this, okay?"

"Ren," he said firmly. "This is serious. I mean, right now you promise you won't hurt yourself, but…Fuck, you're suicidal, Ren. You've gotta talk to someone. It's not like putting a hole in the wall with a tricycle."

She snickered. "That was funny. And that was you that did it anyway. I was the one that helped you cover the hole with the dresser."

"Oh yeah…" He laughed. "That's not the point. You should talk to Mom, maybe. She might be able to get help for you."

"I don't want help, Ryder. I'll be okay."

"Right. You've got no friends, you've broken up with the guy you were like mentally nuts over, you think you're totally alone--"

"I know the story, dammit."

"But you missed something somewhere," he said, desperately wanting to reach her. "You are getting too overwhelmed in everything bad in your life to see the good that's worth living for."


	33. Grad '65

Castle Rock High's principal, Mr. Love, reached up, smirking with suppressed admiration and pride, and switched Chris' tassel to the other side of his cap. Chris grinned at the aging man and quietly thanked him before he crossed the stage. 

He was a high school graduate. It surprised him just as much as it surprised everyone else in the audience and in his class. Chris Chambers, kid brother to Eyeball Chambers, was amounting to something, and he couldn't help but look smugly at the faces that had doubted him. 

When the grad ceremonies were over and everyone had thrown their caps up in the air, the class of '65 mingled around in the parking lot of the school. Some girls were actually crying nostalgic tears. Chris was so happy to be one leap closer to being free of Castle Rock's hellhole that crying was the farthest thing from his mind. He weaved his way through the crowd of milling people to Gordie. Elizabeth was standing with him with her hand holding onto the crook of his arm. 

"Chris," Gordie called when he saw him. "How does it feel?"

"Oh, it's alright." He smiled broadly. "Hi Elizabeth."

She smiled at him, and brushed back her hair with the back of her hand. "You look like a priest."

"Thanks," he said. "Who gave you permission to be here?"

"Gordie! He invited me."

Gordie shrugged. "Yeah, I kinda like her so I asked her to come."

Mr. and Mrs. Lachance approached them. Shaking his hand, Mr. Lachance said, "Congratulations, son."

Smiling politely and awkwardly and looking at his feet as he often did around his parents, Gordie murmured, "Thanks, Dad."

"We're real proud of you, sweetie," his mom told him.

Chris studied their faces. He couldn't tell if they really were proud of him or if they felt obligated to say the words. He knew that Gordie's mom cared about him in a sort of distant, wounded way, but was unable to really mother him because her love of everything had been shattered along with Denny's life years before. Whereas Mr. Lachance just didn't really care and he never had. Denny had been the one that he had felt proud of as he graduated. Gordie wasn't important like Denny had been. Gordie wasn't gifted like Denny was; wasn't worth as much. So as he stood and watched the obvious strain between the broken family, Chris felt uncomfortable and put off, and he could tell by looking at her easily read face that Elizabeth felt the same. 

"We were thinking we might take you out for supper, would you like that sweetie?" his mom asked him. 

Mr. Lachance looked at his wife. "Dorothy, don't talk to the kid like he's eight. Son, we're taking you out for dinner, say goodbye to your friends and let's head off alright?"

"Alright." He glanced at Chris and Elizabeth and shrugged. "I'll see you around. Bye Chris." He leaned over and furtively kissed the top of Elizabeth's head. 

"Oh, invite Elizabeth along, sweetie, she's such a nice girl," his mom said. 

"What about--" Gordie began, stealing a look at Chris, but his father cut him off. 

"Chris has got his own parents to take him out for dinner. Let's go."

"Sorry man." Gordie appeared embarrassed and disappointed in his father. "See you tomorrow, okay?"

"You bet," Chris replied. 

Elizabeth hung back for a moment, unsure of what to say to Chris. "Um…go talk to Ren, alright? She's over there, and she looks miserable."

"Elizabeth, she's not gonna want to talk to me--"

"You don't have to get _married_, just go _talk_ to her!"

"Elizabeth, if you're coming, come on," Mr. Lachance called. 

"I'm coming," she called, but first gave Chris a quick hug before she hurried after the Lachance family. 

Looking up at the sky and sighing, Chris turned on his heels, and, with some courage, walked over to the girl he still loved.

She was sitting in a plastic chair, looking through their yearbook. She had set her cap down on the ground at her feet, letting her flawless raven hair cascade onto her shoulders. It seemed to Chris that she was looking a lot thinner these days, but nevertheless, she was still perfect to him.

"Is this seat taken?" he asked, standing above her. 

It was her caramel-coloured eyes that truly took his breath away when she looked up at him. They were so unlike anything else, so shy and so brilliant that he had to look away, scared that she would see through him. "Um, hi, no…sit," she stammered, a blush rising to her forehead. 

"So…" Chris sighed, totally at a loss for words. "What are you looking at?"

With a sad laugh, she replied, "No one signed my yearbook."

A wave of pure pity washed over him. He realized then how lonely she must feel. Not one person in their graduating class had asked to sign her yearbook, so she was sitting alone looking at the blank pages where her peers should have written stuff like _have a great life_ and _see you in ten at the reunion_. There was nothing there for her. 

"You got a pen?" he asked.

Before she could say anything to him, she caught herself looking at him in awe. He wasn't very big. He was tall, but he was lanky. But there was something so worldly and encompassing about him, and as she sat next to him, she felt small. His face was innocently beautiful, and something sunk her stomach as she realized that she was going to keep on falling in love with him more every day no matter how far apart they were. 

"A pen?" she asked at last. She dug through her purse and retrieved one. "Here."

"Thanks." He took her book from her lap and opened to a fresh page. As he wrote, he asked, "So are we going to keep in touch?"

She smiled. "Do you want to?"

He gazed up at her playfully skeptical. "What do you think, numb nuts?"

Ren laughed. "Okay. We will."

"Are your parents here?" he asked her. He was looking down at the page, but hadn't written anything except for _hi Ren._

"Yeah," she replied and gestured to the refreshment table. "My dad's talking to Mr. Hendricks and my mom's with Ryder. My sister's around somewhere too. Did your parents make it?"

"My mom came for the ceremony, but she left right after."

"I'm sorry," she told him.

"For what?"

"Never mind," she muttered. 

"You don't have any reason to be sorry."

"I have several reasons," she said. "But never mind."

"Okay. I won't."

Ren tried again. "I really miss you, you know, Chris."

Chris nodded, still looking down at the book. "I miss you too Ren."

"I don't want you to leave."

"I have to leave, Renny, there's nothing here for me in Castle Rock. When I go, no one's going to know me or who my family is, and they won't know that they have to hate me just because I grew up poor and my dad's a drunk. They won't even know my _name_. And I want that. All my life I've wanted that." He murmured, as if trying to convince himself, "I'm going to be someone."

"You already are someone," she insisted fervently. 

"Just because I'm leaving though…it doesn't mean you and me have to stop being friends," he promised. 

"There's going to be a lot of new people in Portland," Ren said. "You're not going to care about some girl with mood swings you knew back in high school."

"I'll always care, and you don't have _mood swings,_" he sighed impatiently. "You're just an incredibly sad girl, Ren. And I'll always be ready to help if you need someone."

Staring at him, every wish and hope for him raced in a jumbled mess through her mind. "Chris--I love you--"

He stood, handing back her yearbook. "I should go. See you later, Ren."

Willing herself not to cry, she sat there dazed with the book in her hands. She ran her fingertips over the cover, and then opened it to the only page with writing. 

__

Hi Ren was scribbled out. All that was left was _I love you._


	34. the boring chapter

"This song sucks," Ryder commented. _Where the Boys Are_ by Connie Francis played out of the transistor radio. 

"Yeah, this song sucks," Ren agreed.

"I hate it. It sucks."

Now that it was summer, conversations such as this ensued, products of complete boredom. The heat didn't help because it made everyone sluggish and lethargic. At the moment, Ren and Ryder were eating mostly melted ice cream in a corner booth at Blue Point Diner, surrounded by old people, not really having anything to say to each other and not really looking at each other. They were just together because there was no one else to pass the time with. 

"Hey," a familiar voice called, making the two of them fall out of their daydreams. 

Ren turned around to see Chris, and her heart palpitated. "Chris--hi," she said, hoping she didn't sound too eager.

"How are you doing?" He glanced nervously at Ryder, keeping his distance. He was still wary around him, even though Ren had promised him that he was cool now. 

"I'm fine. I'm sweating like a pig, but I'm all right, thanks. Do you want to sit down?"

"Sure," he said, and she scooted over so he could sit next to her. "Your ice cream looks like Cream of Lump."

Smiling reservedly, Ren nodded. "Ice cream doesn't handle high temperatures very well. Umm…so what are you doing here alone?"

Chris' shrug wasn't as indifferent as he'd intended it to be. "I just wanted to go for a walk. I had to get away from the house for awhile."

That was when Ren noticed the welt across the back of his neck. She lowered her eyes uncomfortably. It killed her to know that anyone would want to hurt Chris. He was gentle and he was a peacekeeper. He would never hurt someone, so it pissed her off to think that his own father would beat the crap out of him and not even care about the sort of person he was battering. If only that bastard knew who Chris was…If only _anyone_ knew who Chris really was, he wouldn't have had to endure the continual abuse that had scarred every bit of him.

Knowing Ren knew, a blush flowered over his cheeks, and he tried to change the subject. "I'm leaving in two days."

Suddenly Ren was immersed in a tidal wave of dizziness. She knew he was going to leave, but why did it have to be now? She already missed him and he was sitting right next to her; she couldn't comprehend how bad the desolation was going to be when he was in a different city. "Oh?" she managed to say.

"Yeah. University of Portland. I'm leaving early because I want to get settled."

Either that or he just wanted to break free of any ties to Castle Rock that he was burdened with. 

"What are you gonna study?" Ryder asked. He wouldn't be furthering the minimal education he had barely obtained. He would stay in Castle Rock and work for their father.

"I'm going into Pre-Law," Chris replied quietly. Evidently, he didn't enjoy Ryder talking to him. 

"You wanna be a judge or something?"

"No, not a judge," Chris said, not offering anymore information than he had to. He turned back to Ren. "Would you mind if I left my dorm number with you?"

"Chris…" Her voice faltered. She wanted to tell him that it was stupid to want to keep up a relationship with an ex-girlfriend when he was going to meet a lot of hot sorority girls. But she still wanted him, and so she just nodded soundlessly. 

Pulling a stub of a pencil from his pocket, he grabbed an unused napkin and began to scrawl down his room number and whatnot for her.

Laughing, she asked, "You carry a pencil around with you in your pocket?"

Folding the napkin in half, he put it in her hand. "Hmm…no, not really. I saw it on the sidewalk on the way here."

"FATE," Ryder said.

"Ryder, shush," Ren laughed. "Your hopeless romantic point of view is not wanted."

"Uh, well, I'm gonna head off, see if Gordie's around." 

"Okay," she murmured, wishing he'd invite her along.

In an awkward rush, he leaned over and kissed her cheek. "See you, Ren."

When Chris had walked out of the Blue Point Diner, the place where they had spoken for the first time not even a year earlier, Ryder smacked her across the head. "What is _wrong_ with you, you damn idiot?"

"I'm a damn idiot," she muttered.

Only a damn idiot could get to know Chris Chambers and just watch him walk away.

****

[author's note: hehehe I just re-read this, and I'm like holy crap this is boring so I'm sorry you had to sit through this chapter!]


	35. ladybug evil

While the phone rang, Ren jumped up on the kitchen counter, waiting for an answer. She clicked her fingernails on the countertop impatiently.

"Hello?"

"Hi," Ren answered. "Is Elizabeth home?"

"Nope, this is the refrigerator speaking."

"Hi Elizabeth," she laughed. "This is Ren."

"GUAH!" Elizabeth cried. "REN! I was kinda wondering who was phoning because I have no friends and no one would phone me and stuff so I was like 'who the hell?' and then it was YOU and oh my goodness, I haven't talked to you in forever, how are you?"

Giggling at her excitement, Ren replied, "I'm good, thank you."

"That's nice. Why are you phoning?"

It was very un-Elizabeth-like to cut to the chase like that. "I'm bored," she said honestly. "Do you want to come over?"

"Yes!" she cried. "Don't go anywhere! Give me like five minutes!"

Coaxing a ladybug onto her finger, Ren sat on the front porch on the rocking chair and waited for Elizabeth to show up.

Finally, she spotted her turning the corner and heading towards her house. She must have spent a lot of time outside this summer because her normally dark blond hair had natural sun streaks in it and her usually porcelain-pale skin was tanned a golden brown. 

"Hi!" she said cheerfully, making her way up the front walk. "How's it go--WOK!" She fell up the porch stairs. "Son of a bitch…Hi!"

"Graceful, Elizabeth," Ren said. 

"Oh, thank you. Keep watching, I'll probably run into a wall at some point." She grinned. "How is your day?"

"I'm bonding with a bug." She held out the ladybug, which had crawled onto the palm of her hand. 

Elizabeth squealed in fright. 

"Yes, Elizabeth, ladybugs are the epitome of evil."

"Bugs are tricky ones. They fly. Get it the hell away from me or I'll squash it."

"Sorry. Didn't know you were so racist towards ladybugs," Ren said. "Do you want to go inside or stay out here?"

"Is your brother home?"

"Yep."

"Outside is fine."

"What, are you scare of Ryder or something?" she asked, smirking. "You don't have to be. He's harmless."

"I prefer not to take chances." She sat on the railing by Ren and crossed her legs in front of her. "How's everything, Ren?"

"Good." Ren didn't want to talk about herself. She was tired of people asking her how she was doing. "Has Gordie left for college?"

"Yeah," she sighed. "I'm going to visit him the weekend after next."

"So the long distance relationship thing is going to work?"

Looking at Ren, almost coldly, she said in a monotonous voice, "We'll make it work. It's possible for a relationship to survive trying times, you know."

"Not that _I'd _know, you mean," Ren assumed. 

"I guess so." The look in Elizabeth's bright blue eyes was surprisingly condescending for her age, not to mention for her carefree personality. "You shouldn't have broken up with Chris, Ren. It was stupid and thoughtless of you."

Ren stared at her. 

Under Ren's glare, Elizabeth faltered and she glanced down at her hands. She murmured, "I just thought someone should tell you that." Suddenly, she looked up, her eyes wide. "Don't kill me."

"I wouldn't do that. Then I'd really have zero friends."

"Oh, shut up with the 'poor-pitiful-me' shit," she snapped irritably. "I'm sick of it. You let your own stupid insecurities break an incredible guy's heart, and you're just sitting here outside your stupidly big house pissing and moaning about how no one likes you. Should I get out a piece of paper and write down all the great things about you so that you can just shut up? People love you, you fucking idiot, and no matter how hard you try to push them away, they're always _going _to love you."

"I don't push people away!" Ren barked back, her fury biting in her voice.

"You do so! Why did you break up with Chris?"

"Because he didn't love me."

"Bullshit!" Elizabeth yelled, standing to make herself taller than Ren. "You broke up with him because for once you were almost _happy_ and you just can't have that happen because then you couldn't feel sorry for yourself anymore."

"Shut up, Elizabeth."

"Chris loved you to death, _Ren_," she said heatedly. "He claims that you just don't know how to accept love so you wouldn't know if someone loved you because you've never experienced it. But you knew, didn't you? Every girl knows when she falls in love for the first time, and every girl knows what it's liked to have a guy really love her back for the first time. I could tell you that I love Gordie thiiiiis much, but oh gee, I just don't think he loves me back. But I _know_ that he does, even when he says nothing, I know when he's thinking that he loves me. So you pushed Chris away. I'm not sure if it was so you could go on being a miserable biotch for the rest of your life, or so that other people could feel sorry for you and tell you how wrong you were. Or maybe you just wanted Chris to tell you how fucking much you mean to him and how damn bad you were going to hurt him if you let him go. I don't know. But you didn't break up with him just because you didn't feel loved enough. How could you not feel loved when you're around Chris? Hell, I even feel loved when I'm with him. So what was it, Ren? What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"You know as well as I do that I didn't deserve someone like him," Ren seethed. 

"I'm not going to argue with that, Ren. I love you, you're one of my best friends, but with the way you act maybe you don't deserve everything he wanted to give you, but you still mean everything to him."

"I don't need a fucking lecture from a sixteen-year-old, okay Elizabeth?"

"Ooh, and you're all mature, I forgot," Elizabeth marveled sarcastically. 

"I know how stupid I am!" Ren suddenly flared. "I broke up with him because I am so not ready to have someone see who I really am. Especially someone like Chris, because I couldn't stand to let him know me completely in case he didn't like it and then I'd just get hurt…But I'm a fucking retard and I end up hurting myself and him all at the same time. I have no idea what is wrong with me. I'm just so incredibly fucked up, Elizabeth, you have no idea." 

"Chris knew who you really were, Ren," she told her. "He watched you so closely and you didn't even know it. You were so busy worrying about doing something wrong in front of him that you missed the incredible way he would just look at you sometimes. He knows about how insecure you can be and how sad and impossible you are. But he loves _every single_ part of you. He's seen you at your worst and he still loves you, Ren. How often do you get a guy like that?"

"It must be easy to see everyone's problems from up there on your pedastal."

"Fuck you."

"Don't talk about how sad and impossible I am then. You don't know anything about me."

"Fuck, will you ever wake up? You're not tough as nails like you think you are. You're not some grand enigma that no one can figure out. Why do you think you get hurt so easily?" she demanded. "You're so easy to read that everyone knows exactly what will hurt you the most."

"Whatever, Elizabeth."

"No, don't put up that barrier! How do you ever expect to get close to anyone when you act like this?" Elizabeth sighed. "You're a beautiful person, Ren, and you're not hard to love. But you _are _sad and impossible, and that's hard to get around."

Looking up at her, all of her anger spent, Ren nodded. Everything she had said was true. The good and bad, it was all true. It pissed her off to think that a high-school junior could see everything about her when she herself couldn't. A small smile appeared on her face. "You use wild hand gestures when you get mad. I thought you were going to take my eye out."

Elizabeth grinned. It wasn't easy to get her upset, but it wasn't too great a feat to make her smile again. "I'm sorry for yelling at you. It's that ladybug and its damn evilness."

"Oh, that damn ladybug evil."

"Friends?"

Ren nodded. "If I ever try to push _you_ away, chase after me, alright? I don't think I could get a better friend."


	36. Childproof

Waking up from an inadvertent nap by her parents' arguing, Ren rolled over groggily and saw that it was nighttime already. She must have been sleeping for a long time. Now that it was fall time, days seemed to be getting heavier with passivity and detachment. Not being able to go back to school to see all of her friends was something she had never experienced, and she hated having nothing to do. Sometimes she and Elizabeth found time to do something together, but it wasn't often that Elizabeth wasn't occupied with school or her unwanted job working for the school librarian, a job she had acquired through multiple late charges. However, Ren spent a lot of time with her mom; talking to her, baking with her, stuff they'd never done when Ren was younger. There was a crap load of years for the mother and daughter to make up for, but Ren didn't mind. She had discovered that her mother was never worthless, and now she was loving getting to know her finally. 

She hadn't spoken to Chris in almost two months. She kind of figured he had a girlfriend already, considering the facts that he wasn't lacking in the looks department and his charisma was enchanting. Sometime she would get around to phoning him, or maybe even drop by for the Thanksgiving weekend. But that was in November, a long time away. [AN: November is when the American Thanksgiving is, right?] And there was this nagging voice in her mind telling her that she would never call him, she would either just wait for him or let him fade completely from her life. 

The fighting downstairs that had woken her up was worse than usual. When her parents fought, it didn't normally take very long because all that would happen was her dad would make her mom cry, possibly give her a reason to wear dark sunglasses to hide her face for a couple of days, and then he'd go sulk in the TV room. But right now they were shouting at each other, and every once in awhile, Ren would hear the sound of something breaking.

She debated going downstairs to see what was going on, but she decided against it. The truth was, she was terrified of her father turning his anger on her. She had always expected that someday he would hurt one of them instead of their mom for once. So, she ventured out into the hallway and no further than that. Unsure of where she wanted to be, she went into Ryder's room. 

"Stop boogering on me, Rindy," he was telling their younger sister, who was crying on his shoulder. "I am not a tissue."

"What are they fighting about?" Ren asked, and both of her siblings finally noticed that she was in the room. "I was sleeping. They woke me up."

"Mom found out about Dad cheating on her," he replied.

"Dad's cheating on her?"

"What doesn't Dad do to her?" Ryder snapped, "Rindy, would you stop crying already? Stop being a baby."

"Ryder!" Ren chided, and went over to her sister, putting her arms around her. "It's okay, they'll stop fighting, they always do."

"If you walk out that door, don't you ever fuckin come back."

"That sounds very inviting, Daniel," their mother snapped. 

"Sit back down, you dumb bitch! You are not leaving this house!"

"Mom's leaving?" Rindy asked quietly.

"She'd so better not be," Ren murmured. She would be lost without her mother. There would be nothing for her to come home to if her mom wasn't there.

"Why should I stay here, Daniel? You don't care about me, you never have!"

"You can't just leave me with those kids, Miranda."

"I'm going to stay with my sister in Cottage Grove. If they need me, they know the number. Goodbye, Dan."

Ren disentangled her arms from Rindy's and ran from the room to see her mother with a lone suitcase and her hand perched on the doorknob. "Mom?"

"What about me, Miranda?" 

"Go to hell."

Daniel grabbed his wife around the throat by one hand and shoved her into an end table, shattering the vase sitting on top. From her place on the stairs, Ren could hear the glass crunch under her mother's hands as she struggled to get up. Ren dashed down the stairs to help her, but her father backhanded before she could get near her, sending her sprawling across the floor. 

"You stay out of this, Ren. Get the hell upstairs," Daniel barked.

"You stay the hell away from her then!" Ren snapped. "Just let her go!"

Miranda was on her feet, blood starting to seep down her wrist from the wounds made by the shards of glass. She grabbed her suitcase and ran for the door.

"Mom?" Ren called. "I want to come with you--"

"Sorry baby," Miranda said, and without another word or glance, her mother was gone. 

Staring dumbfounded at the door, Ren murmured, "Mama…?"

Daniel was also staring at the door. "That fucking slut."

"Daddy," Ren said. 

Daniel turned back to her. "What."

"I don't want to be here with you."

"Then leave, I don't give a shit. You know that." He stormed off into his study and slammed the door. 

That was it. That was when Ren's world turned empty and void. She had been right all along, no one wanted her. No one cared. Her mom didn't want to save her. She had left her. Her dad didn't care if she lived or died. Her life was shit. Nothing anyone could have said to her right then could have changed her mind, unless it came from one certain person. And that person was in Portland. And he was probably busy trying to forget about her. 

Crying, she went into the bathroom and fumbled through the medicine cabinet. Finally, she found a bottle of Advil. She struggled to open the lid, but it was childproof, and her mind was jumbling and incoherent. All she could think of was how she was going to get to sleep now, and she wouldn't be woken up again. Figuring out a childproof lid wasn't quite in her thinking capacity at the moment. After trying to use her teeth to pry off the lid, she flung it against the wall, and, sobbing, sat on the edge of the bathtub, her hands in her hair and her elbows on her knees. She couldn't even kill herself right.

"Ren, where are you?" Ryder called cautiously. "Ren? Where's Mom?"

She didn't call out to him so he could find her. She didn't care. 

But he found her anyway. She didn't look up, but she knew it was him. 

"Hey," he whispered gently. "Mom left, didn't she? Are you okay?"

"Nope. Piss off, okay, Ryder? Just close the door and leave me alone."

"I know how much you love Mom, but this isn't the end of the world, and you have enough problems, Ren," Ryder snapped, striding across the bathroom and picking up the bottle of Advil. The lid had popped off and there were capsules littering the floor. "Don't add to them. This isn't the answer, you know that."

"I'm sorry," she growled sarcastically, snatching the bottle away from him. "Obviously we have a different answer key, because it's the only thing I'm coming up with."

"I've already told you how badly I'd die if anything happened to you!"

"Oh, go cry to your boyfriend."

The look in his eyes was terribly hurt. But he shook his head and the dark disappointment clouding his eyes disappeared. He took the Advil from her again. "I'm going to ignore that. You touch these again, and I'm going to drive you to the hospital."

"I'm a big girl. I can deal with this myself."

"No you can't," he barked. "Exactly how many of those did you take?"

"I didn't take any," she told him abruptly. "I couldn't get the fucking thing open."

"How many _would _you have taken?"

"Enough," she replied.

"What do you mean, 'enough?'"

She snarled, "Think about it."

Ryder cursed under his breath. "You would do that, wouldn't you? You start feeling bad and you'd hurt yourself."

She snatched the pills from him again. "Fuck off."

"Come on, Ren, stop scaring me! You know I can help you!"

"You can't!"

"Give them to me," he said in a low voice, ignoring her.

"No! You can't help me, Elizabeth can't help me, and I just want this to fucking _stop_! This is what can help me!"

"Give them to me," he said again, this time slower.

"Ryder, please, you have to realize--"

"Maybe you are just weak." He stared at her angrily, his eyes narrowing. "Maybe you're just not strong enough to handle anything." He regretted it as soon as it came out of his mouth.

"Yeah, that's right, Ryder," she said. 

"I'm sorry," he said hastily. "I didn't mean to say that. I know that you feel alone. Like no one cares about you. It's not true, but you just can't seem to understand that, I know. I know that your mind is a little…off-kilter lately. But honestly, is it so bad that you want to leave me too? And Elizabeth? And Chris?"

"I don't want to," she immediately told him weakly. "But nothing's going to get better. I'm a fuck up, Ryder. I just can't stop fucking up everything."

"You're too scared to breathe to fuck up, Ren," he whispered. 

"I don't know what else to do." Her voice was barely audible and flooded with tears.

Sticking out his hand, Ryder said flatly, "Just give the pills to me. That's a start."

"I told you, no."

"Just--" He reached out and grabbed it, but she hung on. For someone so weak, she certainly was strong. "Ren! Fucking let go!"

"Don't pretend you care!" she cried. "Don't pretend! I'm so tired of people saying they care but never showing it! You haven't done anything for me yet!"

"I've loved you!" he yelled. "Isn't that enough?"

"I love you too, Ryder, but I can't do this anymore!"

"Can't do what anymore?" he shouted. "Feel sorry for yourself?"

She let go and slapped him.

"Go to Portland," Ryder told her, unfazed by the pink mark her hand had left on his face. "The person that's there is what you should be living for."

Her entire body giving way, she nodded, sobbing, and collapsed into her brother's arms. 


	37. Tripping

Jimmy Gilmer's Sugar Shack was stuck in Gordie's head and he drummed his fingers to the beat of it while he waited for Elizabeth to pick up her end of the phone. 

"No more cookies!"

Blinking in confusion, Gordie sputtered, "Elizabeth?"

"Gordie?"

"Are you okay?"

"Yes," she replied. "I just thought you were…someone else. Hi, how's it going?"

"Pretty decently, except I've got this huge research paper due in two days and I have done little research. Minimal research, in fact."

"No research?" she guessed. 

"Stop knowing me so well," he laughed. "What about you? How are you doing?"

"I might go to jail."

"Hurry up, Lachance, I gotta phone my mom!" Tom Jackson ordered. 

"I am TALKING to my GIRLFRIEND," Gordie told him irritably. "Go find your own phone booth."

Tom flipped him off, smiled good-naturedly and left him alone. 

"Sorry,' Gordie said into the phone. "Why are you going to jail?"

"I'm going to strangle Ms. Cody. And then she will die. And I will laugh." Elizabeth sighed. "I have librarians. All they do is shush me. And who cares if her stupid books aren't in alphabetical order? It's a hell of a lot easier on me just to stick the books wherever there's room on the shelf."

"So the library job isn't going too well, I take it?"

"No," she muttered. "Who knew refusing to pay late charges could send you to purgatory?"

"Castle Rock in general is purgatory."

"Good point!"

Gordie put his hands through his dark hair. He was feeling homesick for her. Just hearing her small yet lively voice was enough to make him want to drive the four hours home to see her. He was beginning to forget what she felt like in his arms. "I miss you, Ellie."

She was quiet for a moment. All he could hear was her soft breathing. At last, she grumbled, "College sucks. Actually, you suck for making me want to cry every time I think about you."

"I'll see you in like six weeks."

"That's six weeks of a musty library and nobody my own age who wants to be my friend and no you."

"I'm sorry," he told her. "Hey, you could drop out of school and come live with me in my dorm. You'd have to live in the closet though because we're not allowed to have the opposite sex in our bedrooms. It's not like everyone's not off doing it on like park benches and bathroom counters and stuff."

"Except for you."

"Of course not. I'd much rather wait till you got here to do it in the bathroom. Girls' room or boys'?"

"Gordie," she giggled. "My brother's in the room."

"Tell him I said hi then."

"I'm not talking to him. He pushed me down the stairs."

"And I missed it?" he demanded.

"You're supposed to ask if I'm okay."

"I can't, I'm visualizing your fall."

"Jerk," she laughed. 

"Ah, you know I love you."

"I love you too," she said, and then Gordie heard her muffled voice snap, "Shut up, Zeke!"

"Is your brother joining in on our special moment?" he asked, looking at the Rec room clock. He had about five minutes left until his ten minutes were up. 

She giggled happily. "Not anymore. I threw flour at him."

"I'm awfully glad I don't have a sister."

"Um, now that Zeke's washing flour out of his eyes in the bathroom, I want to tell you something."

"Ellie, there's people everywhere here. Phone sex is inappropriate. I'm flattered though."

"I would not have sex with anyone through a PHONE, thank you very much," she snapped. "I wanted to tell you something about Ren."

"Ren?" he asked. "She's still kicking around?"

"Well, she tried to kill herself."

"What?"

"Her brother phoned me. That in itself was weird. I was all oh my God why is Ryder Rasmussen phoning me because he kinda scares me you know and stuff. But he said their mom left and she wouldn't take Ren with her, I guess. Her and her mom were pretty close. So yeah, she tried to down a bunch of painkillers."

"God," Gordie breathed. "She didn't though, did she?"

"Couldn't get the lid off."

"That would be funny under other circumstances."

Elizabeth continued, "Anyway, Ryder said he talked to her and told her to go to Portland."

"Portland?" he wondered and then realized. "Oh. Chris."

"Yep."

"Is he really going to be able to do anything for her?" he asked. "I mean, someone who has suicidal ideas, let alone someone who tries to act upon them, isn't going to make a full recovery by going to see a guy she's got a crush on."

"Gordie, she just needs someone to love her. And she wants and needs him more than anything." She lowered her voice. "And don't tell me that when Denny died you didn't think about dying."

"Ellie, I never would have tried to kill myself. Ren's sickly, you know that."

"But you wished it had been you."

"I didn't wish anything," he told her. "But…it just should have been me. That's what I thought back then anyway."

"And who was the one person who could change your mind? Who made you realize that you're around for a reason? Chris is as much Ren's best friend as he is yours, Gordie."

"Please do not psycho-analyze everything," he told her, laughing. "Yes, we allllll know you're a smart little cookie monster, you don't have to keep proving it."

"MONSTER?" she demanded. "Are _you_ addressing _I_?"

"Five, four, three, two and ONE, get off the fuckin phone Lachance."

Tom had returned. He'd been keeping track of time. Gordie waved him away. "Elizabeth, I gotta go."

"RARG!" she roared. "You ALWAYS have to go."

"I know. But you don't want Tom to beat the crap out of me, do you?"

"No, you'd snap like a twig."

"Exactly, but shut up, I'm not that skinny."

"Yes you are," she giggled. "I love you, Gordie."

"I know, I love you too."

"You sick poor excuse for a man," Tom muttered when Gordie hung up the phone. 

Sarah, a girl in his English Lit class, smiled. "I think it's cute. It's nice to see a guy who's not afraid to show he fell in love."

"Elizabeth tripped me," Gordie said with a smile. "It's not my fault I fell."


	38. In Your Eyes

Ren squeezed her eyes shut, wishing she knew where she was. Her eyes were tired and swollen from crying. 

Ryder had offered to drive her to Portland, but then they discovered that their mom had taken the car. So they walked to the bus station and he made sure she got on a bus and gave her some money. He was scared to leave her alone, but she assured him she didn't want to hurt herself anymore, and she wasn't lying. That feeling had passed. 

Currently she was sitting in a booth at a crusty old diner, hunched over and feeling impossibly small and vulnerable. She wasn't used to big cities like this.

"Can I get you something?"

Slowly shifting her gaze up, she saw a plump waitress standing above her. "Huh?" she murmured. "Oh. Can you bring me a cup of coffee please?"

She had never been so damn scared in all her life. Could she go back to Castle Rock? No, there was nothing there…everyone there either hated her or thought she was nuts because she'd tried to off herself. But what was she doing here? She was a fool to think she had a future waiting for her. The only thing that gave her any comfort was Chris. She tried not to think that he'd moved on to a new girl. She should have called. 

Memories of him flowed passed her closed eyes. They were so alive she could almost feel his open palm pressed against her back, could almost taste him and smell him. She could almost see his blue eyes, and the way that they always looked so playful but serious. God, she loved that boy. She blinked rapidly to stop the tears from coming again. 

Why had she let him go? None of this would have happened if she had just believed him when he promised he loved her. Why did she have to love hurting herself so much?

"Here you go, Miss. Anything else?" The waitress set a cup of coffee on the table in front of her.

"You wouldn't happen to have a cigarette on you, would you?" she asked abruptly. Ren had never smoked in all her life, but she was craving one right then. 

"This is a non-smoking section, honey."

"Okay. Can I get a cigarette and a table in the smoking section?"

"Augh, it's the wolfman!"

"Huh?" Chris said, passing by Grace Reynolds on his way to his seat in his Poly Sci class. 

"Oh, it's you. Hi Chris." She flashed him an innocently coy smile. 

"Okay, so I have to shave, leave me alone," he laughed. 

Grace was awfully cute. Her smile could light up an entire room, and the best part about her was that she didn't seem to know how pretty she was. Chris had been trying to work up the courage to ask her out, but hadn't yet. He still missed Ren. He was still waiting for her to call. 

He knew she never would. 

Today. Today he would ask Grace out. He hoped. 

After seventy minutes of their prof's droning, Chris picked up his books, rehearsing what he was going to say in his mind. 

"Hey, Chris?"

Startled, he looked up and saw Grace standing in front of him nervously. "Hi, Grace."

"You don't have to say yes, but um, do you want to go out for a cup of coffee with me tonight?"

He would have said yes until his gaze met her chocolate brown eyes and he realized how badly he wished they were like Ren's…beautiful, like caramel. He would never be able to look into Grace's eyes without wishing it was Ren looking back at him.

"Oh, um…" He coughed into his hand. "Um, I'm really sorry Grace, but I have a girlfriend."

"It's okay. Sorry." She looked down at the floor, disappointed. 

"Thanks though. I have to go. See you around, alright?" He walked briskly from the room and angrily berated himself. _You do _not_ have a girlfriend, you asshole, she's _gone.

He couldn't keep on waiting for Ren like this. 


	39. Jamie

Jamie O'Dell was Chris' roommate. He had bright red hair and bright green eyes so he looked like a leprechaun. For the most part, Chris couldn't complain about who his roommate was, except for the fact that Jamie constantly ate all of their food and he was a horny little leprechaun.

"Man, so she goes off like a fuckin Roman candle, and she was like oh _God, _oh _God_--"

"So there were fireworks?" Chris asked innocently and distractedly. He was trying to come up with an idea for supper.

"Not REAL fireworks, Chambers, I'm just trying to explain what it was like."

"I don't want to know what it was like," Chris said in an easy-going tone. He jumped onto the counter to check for hidden food in the highest cupboard. 

"Anyway, as I was saying, Hannah and me, we're goin at it like fuckin rabbits, man--"

"Jamie," Chris said. "Did you forget about how I don't care about your sex life and don't particularly take please out of our discussions about your sex life?"

"Well, excuse me, I thought you'd care."

"_Nobody_ cares, Jamie," he laughed. "Goddammit, did you eat all my spaghetti?"

"That was _your _spaghetti?"

"Was it YOUR spaghetti?"

"Well, I didn't pay for it, I know that."

"Then, gee, could it have been MY spaghetti?"

"There is a high possibility." Jamie gave him a look. "Fuck, Chris, you're extra bitchy today."

"Did you just call me 'bitchy?'"

"Why, yes I did." He dropped his voice to a stage whisper. "Do you have feminine problems I'm unaware of?"

"No, but I have a girl problem that involves an actual girl."

Jamie sat down on the counter. "I _told_ you that you're not getting laid enough."

"That's not the problem," Chris told him, smiling. 

"Okay. Pretend I'm your sex therapist. Are you addicted to sex? Does your girlfriend make you uncomfortable with her bondage fetishes?"

"It has nothing to do with sex." Chris raised an eyebrow at him. "Is that all you think about?"

"Isn't it all _you_ think about?" Jamie grinned mischievously. "Anyway. Sorry. What's on your mind, buddy?"

Chris sighed. "Back home, I had a girlfriend that broke up with me before we graduated because she didn't feel like I felt the same way she did. But I really did love her--still do."

"This is a disgusting story, Chris," Jamie interrupted. "But go on."

"Thank you for your approval, Jamie. Anyway, my best friend Gordie from Castle Rock called today when you were showering, and he told me that Ren tried to kill herself. And she took off some place but he said he couldn't tell me where."

"Fuck," Jamie muttered. "So she was pretty messed up, eh?"

"No," Chris replied immediately and then stopped to reconsider. She wasn't here; he didn't need to protect her anymore. But he couldn't help it. "She's just sad. And she thinks that no one cared about her. I walked away from her and let her believe that I didn't think she was the greatest chick I'd ever met."

"She sounds nuts to me."

"The thing is," Chris said slowly. "Ren gave up everything to be with me."

"How noble."

Chris shook his head. "You should see her, man."

"Hot?"

"Like you wouldn't _believe._" 

"Exact measurements? Come on, inquiring minds need to know."

Chris just grinned. "You wish, Jamie."

"Legs up to her neck?"

"You'll never know."

"You're killin me man," Jamie whined. "Hey, can you freeze beer?"

"Nope. It turns moldy."

"You know this from experience?"

"No, I just know," he said, somewhat defensively. "I don't drink."

"Damn. I made ice cubes the other day and I was hoping I could make some beer cubes today. Hey, what about pickle juice? Does _it_ freeze?"

"Uhh…I wouldn't know." He grumbled and closed the cupboard door. "I need to eat."

"You also need to shave. The rugged look works on people such as myself, but on you, not so much."

"Go get us something to eat."

"I made ice cubes, remember?"

"That's nice. I refuse to eat ice for supper." He gave him an endearing look. "We need to eat."

"Fine. I'll go get Chinese or something. I might have to stop at Hannah's on the way to the restaurant, so you might have to deal with hunger pains for about three to four hours." 

"More like three to four minutes," Chris shot back.

Jamie winced. "Ouch." He grabbed his jacket, disappeared into a bedroom, and came back out with some crumpled bills in his hand. "I just borrowed some cash from your money stash that you don't know I know about."

"Goddammit, Jamie, now I have to find a new hiding place."

"Go right ahead." He grinned. "I like looking for it." Someone knocked on the door and his eyes lit up. "Hahahaha could that be Hannah? Oh baby."

"Oh God," Chris muttered. 

Jamie threw open their door. "HELLO," he said. "I hope you're here to see me."

"Um, no, I'm sorry to disappoint you…" a soft voice said from the entrance. "I'm here to see Chris. Is this his room?"

"You're in luck. Go on in, he's lurking in the kitchen." Jamie gave her a smile and brushed past her.

"Chris?" 

****

[Author's Note: I'm sorry for the crudeness of Jamie hahaha…I find boys with raging hormones waaaaay too funny for my own good…]


	40. Lost and Found

"Oh my God!" Chris said, recognizing the wary voice. He ran from the kitchen to the sound. 

The moment their eyes met, they both began to cry. 

"Ren?" he whispered.

"I'm so sorry!" Ren cried. He hugged her so strongly that they stumbled a few steps so that Ren's legs were backed up against the unfolded hideaway bed in the living room. "I'm so sorry…"

"Don't be," he told her. He held her back from him and moved her flyaway hair out of her face with a gentle hand. "What are you doing here?"

"I had to see you," she replied tearfully. "Nothing has ever meant anything to me like you do. I couldn't live and be so empty anymore, Chris, I didn't know what to do!"

"It's okay," he murmured. Softly, he kissed her cheek, their tears mixing. "Gordie told me what happened--what you tried to do." When she didn't reply, he said matter-of-factly, "It was my fault, wasn't it?"

"It was never your fault," she assured him. "Nothing was ever your fault. When I broke up with you, it wasn't your fault, when I wouldn't be around you, it wasn't your fault, you were never to blame for anything, you got that?"

"But _suicide_, Ren?" Chris said. "That's not something you just decide to try for the hell of it."

"I've got something that makes me sad, Chris," she told him. "I've tried to make it stop, but I can't on my own."

Ren wondered if the feeling of Chris' open hand on her back was just her vivid memory of him again, but he kissed her and she knew that he was really there with her. 

"You're not going to ever be alone, okay?" He rested his forehead against hers and held her face in his hands. "Because I love you. Don't tell yourself any different, because it's the one thing that I have never been more serious about."

Her slight body shuddering with tears, she murmured, "I got so _lost,_ Chris."

Chris' eyes were moist with tears, but the look he gave her was powerful. "But you found me."

His lips found hers, her hands found the back pockets of his jeans, and they found themselves forgetting about everything, except for the fact that they loved each other and everything was going to be okay now.

They laid down on the bed.

****

[Author's Note: Um, yes, so that's the end. It wasn't depressing for once:) Anyway, I'm working on a new one already which I'll get around to posting eventually, and just so you know, I'm changing my pen name at some point. I hope you liked! :D]


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